Does anyone else feel this way?

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I'm currently a nursing student and while my passion is to help people feel better I find myself going in with mixed feeling towards certain patients. The patients I am referring to have sicknesses caused by smoking and drinking. While I will do everything in my power to help them get better or be as comfortable as possible I find myself not feeling sorry for them. I feel like they got what was coming to them and that they knew the risks involved in using these substances and so only have themselves to blame. Does anyone else feel this way?

I know some may answer that the same should apply to obese and diabetic patients and I believe it doesn't. You need to eat to live, yes moderation is the key but many things can contribute to obesity and you can't not eat; however, you don't have to smoke and you don't have to drink and so it is solely the choice of the person using these substances.

My point exactly! Being judged does stings a bit now doesn't it? In the same way that you don't like being judged remind yourself, once you're a nurse, that others feel the same and you will do just fine!

I've had patients say things along the lines of this to me:

Thank you to the nurses, who instead of judging me for my past actions are taking care of me properly, despite of what I've done to myself.

Becoming a nurse has been the most humbling experience of my life.

You are right, I'll be honest and say that I didn't think of it that way.

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I think the fact that the OP was honest and forthright says a lot. At least she is honest about how she feels and willing to own it. It is what it is. If her attitude impairs her ability to give her patients good care, then it is a problem. I think if she were not honest with herself about her prejudices (and we ALL HAVE THEM) she would be more likely to give sub-par care. As so many have said, professionalism is the difference: Recognize that you may feel that way, but don't let that stop you from giving the 3-pack a day smoker with lung cancer the best care possible.

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I do feel this way sometimes but mostly with the overweight people. Im trying to work on that though.

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Specializes in FNP.

I'm w/ orange tree.

Do I judge people's choices? Of course, I'm human. Does it impact the way I feel about them? Absolutely, I'm human. Does it detract from the care I provide them? No, I'm a professional.

I don't think it is necessary to empathize with every person who crosses your path to be good nurse, but trying will make your nursing hours less unpleasant.

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The reason I started this thread is to see if other people struggle with the same or similar feelings. I did not post it to state what I think and argue that I'm right no matter what, if I felt that way I wouldn't bother posting it. The idea was to admit to a feeling that I have and either get advice on how to get over it or just know that other people may feel the same but do not allow it to affect their work. Some of the posts here really helped me and i appreciate you taking the time to answer the thread.

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I think judging is part of being human. But in nursing letting your judgments interfere with patient care would be shameful. I am not saying the OP did this, I am just making a statement.

You never know why someone, for example, has an STD. Maybe they were gang raped when they were 15 while walking home from school. Judgments are part of being human but a person just needs to remember that they only see part of the story as to why someone is in a particular position.

Again I am not saying the OP or anyone on this thread is guilty of anything, just making a generalized statement.

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Specializes in LTC.

I appreciate that the OP is honest with herself and feelings. Nurses are HUMAN. I don't care what anyone says but everyone has prejudices against certain behaviors however as nurses and respectable people we don't act on them. I personally don't have any ill feelings to a drug addict, smoker, or obese person. I give all my patients compassion and competent care. However, I do have respect for people like the OP that have some type of feeling about it and is honest.

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No, I never feel this way. I think you should think very carefully about this issue. I have heard other nurses say things like this and I remove myself from the disscussion. I don't even assume an elderly person is " a nice old lady, or cute", I have no clue what kind of life anyone lives. I just treat them with dignity and respect and I feel sad for all sick people.

The choices people make are sometimes a direct result of things that have happened in their lives, the way humans deal with stress, and the way patients deal with other diseases. I don't judge someone at all, not even the slightest. I do not look at an obese person as disgusting, I have no right, I have done things in my life that are abusive to my body. I almost never drank, but even I, have had one too many drinks once or twice when I was 20, hit a fast food resturaunt when I have an extra 10 lbs to loose, I can even think of a few sexual partners could have been a risk to my health that I could have done without.

I would hope someone would put aside their judgment and feel sad for my suffering. I am the patient you do not feel sorry for...I am a smoker. I struggle with stress. I take care of sick people in my job, I am the mother of an autistic child, and at night I go outside for about 5-7 cigarrettes after my son is asleep. Should I probably go to a therapist to deal with the stress, yes!! For whatever reason, I don't. I would rather enjoy a cancer stick, it relaxes me. The thought of spending 150 dollars a week on a therapist, finding the time to go and the fear of what I would be like off smoking scares me. I am just not ready. So if you wanna judge me for being a smoker and destroying my body go ahead. But also remember that I took care of many other people, cared for a severely disabled child WONDERFULLY, cooked dinner every night, payed my bills, loved my extended family all my life and could use a bit of compassion. Why don't you next time just say "I am a nurse, my job requires me to not judge patients, and to respect their wishes, I will try to educate them to the best of my ability and refer them to the services they may need."

I feel sad for all sick people, olympians, runners, virgins, HIV+ people, smokers, hookers, STD+ patients, alcoholics, crack smokers, severly obese people, everyone.

:yeah:Amen, very well said!

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Exactly what has happened in this thread is what, unfortunatly, drives me crazy about this site. The OP was NOT saying she treats the pts differently, in fact she stated "I will do everything in my power to help them get better or be as comfortable as possible." She was also NOT looking to get bashed. She was asking if anyone else feels this way and possibly for some actual guidance from experienced nurses who may have experienced these same feelings.

To the OP, I feel bad for what you have had to experience due to wanting to talk about your feelings. You DO NOT have to "feel sorry" for every patient that you care for. What you have to do is provide the best nursing care you possibly can. The good thing is that you, unlike others that have attacked you, realize and can state your feelings. You do not claim to be the perfect person that others on here apparently, delusionally, think they are.

Of course I have the occasion to "judge" patients and/or their family members. Just as I have done outside of work. I am human and am not perfect. Therefore, when I find myself doing this (whether at work or in my personal life) I try to remind myself of the fact that I am not perfect, and I have made bad choices at times in my life. I also remind myself that I do not know their whole history and what they have possibly been through that has led them down a particular path in life.

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Specializes in Oncology/Hematology, Infusion, clinical.

To the OP," Thank you to the posters who instead of judging me"

I suggest that every time you encounter a patient that makes you feel the way you stated in your post, that you stop and think "Thank you to the posters who instead of judging me". Remind yourself how you felt when you were judged in this situation. Then, consider the patient's current situation, and care for them in a way that when they say to " Thank you, (your name) who instead of judging me"...you believe it.

I mean this sincerely. I had so many things I wanted to post out of frustration, disappointment and anger regarding many aspects of your post. While I feel no less about them, I cannot possibly post anything, nicely or maliciously, that would be productive, and you may feel very differently once you've been nursing a while.

However, I'd like for you to consider your rationale for feelings for the types of people you mentioned: they knew it was dangerous, they knew the potential consequences of their actions, they continued such actions, they are now suffering. I will end this post with some of the people who fit this category:

Steve Irwin

Skydivers

Extreme Sports Athletes

Constuction workers

Coal minors

Blue Angel Pilots

Addicts

The morbidly Obese

Stunt Drivers

Divers

Soldiers

Firemen

The part of the population working high stress jobs, nocturnal shifts, to the point of physical/mental exhaustion, deprive their families of any quality interaction...

Whether for money, enjoyment, satisfying addiction, helping others, to cope with stress, to have fun, to prove themselves, because they don't any other way of life...they all knew the possible outcomes they made their decisions. This is no different from drug abusers, smokers, hookers, alcoholics...if that is true, and I believe it to be, can you honestly tell me that any of these people "got what was coming to them", or justify picking and choosing which ones did and didnt.

We are all people, and for all the people one disapproves of, there is AT least one person that they care about, and probably cares about them. That is why you should feel no less empathy for them than you do for whom you approve.

Sorry for the length, I mean it in no way other than to encourage you to consider the way you feel about someone based on much more than the ONE thing they do in which you disapprove. I expect that in each person, the good things will outweigh one bad decision.

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Specializes in Developmental Disabilites,.

Everybody judges others. It is just that some people can not admit it to themselves.

In nursing you try your best not to let that judgment interfere with your care. Sometimes you are successful, sometimes you are not. It is an art form that needs practice.

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Specializes in CNA.

I think the reason why people have been judging the OP about her post is, at least from my perspective, her statement about trying to care for them the same as any other patient. If you have a pre-conceived notion about someone, then you DO treat them differently. Whether you mean to or not, you do. You are less patient with them, you may move a little slower to answer their call-light, you may not take their pain as seriously as someone who you perceive as "worthy" of your care, you may make fun of their situation ("they got what they deserve"). The reason they are sick and in need of care should have nothing to do with how you care for them but if you let your own prejudices get in the way it WILL. That's why I said learn to be more empathetic. You dont have to have sympathy, you dont have to feel sorry for them, but you do have to understand they have a disease and need adequate, compassionate care as much as anyone else.

It just ticks me off when people get so self-righteous when it comes to smokers. 99% of us smokers wish we would have never started. We KNOW what its doing to us, but for whatever reason we cant seem to just put them down and walk away. Addiction is not fun and neither are the repercussions, we dont need a self righteous nurse saying "I told you so".

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