Does anyone else feel this way?

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I'm currently a nursing student and while my passion is to help people feel better I find myself going in with mixed feeling towards certain patients. The patients I am referring to have sicknesses caused by smoking and drinking. While I will do everything in my power to help them get better or be as comfortable as possible I find myself not feeling sorry for them. I feel like they got what was coming to them and that they knew the risks involved in using these substances and so only have themselves to blame. Does anyone else feel this way?

I know some may answer that the same should apply to obese and diabetic patients and I believe it doesn't. You need to eat to live, yes moderation is the key but many things can contribute to obesity and you can't not eat; however, you don't have to smoke and you don't have to drink and so it is solely the choice of the person using these substances.

While you make a valid point with the speeder and the STD I cannot know if this person always speeds or always has unprotected sex it can be a mistake and so I'd give them the benefit of the doubt. However you do not get lung cancer from one cigarette nor do you get cirrhosis of the liver from one drink so I know this person abused these substances. Again I would never let my feelings get in the way of treating these patients and I would give them the same respect I would anyone else. I am just referring to my personal internal view of the matter.

Actually there are some people who have never smoked a day in their life and get lung cancer and there are causes of cirrhosis of the liver other than alcohol abuse. Your assupmtions are a little self righteous.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

I do feel bad for those patients. They lost self control and end up in that kind of situation. like someone said ealier post, any addiction is hard to stop.

We can't turn the clock backward, you can't change a person either.

so I Just focus on treat what it is, not why it happen.

this helps me keep my sanity.

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That is not true. You can get lung cancer without ever smoking and you can get cirrhosis as a nondrinker. You knew that, right?

Apparently we were thinking the same thing at the same time!

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Please point out to me where I SAID I would treat them differently. You seem fixated on the notion that feelings and actions cannot be separated. As for rethinking my proffesion, guess what, what you think will not change my choice to be a nurse. You can think I'm a bad person for being honest about my feelings but I know myself better than you know me. I guess we will just have to agree to disagree.

oh, i forgot - youre the only one who can judge others based on a diagnosis like all those people who must've been heavy smokers if they got lung cancer. :lol2:

i can't change your mind. i can only hope at the very least that you never come into contact with anyone i know.

i do know this for sure - karma is alive and well and it's a craaazy thing.

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Specializes in Hospice.

Folks, feelings are like weather ... they happen and they are what they are. It's inappropriate, IMHO, to demand that a nurse have a prescribed set of "feelings" before s/he can be considered a good nurse.

Attempting to deny emotions that exist or command emotions to appear because they're "the right ones" is a prescription for serious mental health issues.

Perhaps, rather than piling on the OP for having an emotional response that isn't all happy dolphin music, we could share ideas, such as positivern's post #25, for providing good care in spite of less than posititive emotional reactions.

As I said above, it's the difference between the amateur and the pro.

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The difference between an amateur and a professional is that your feelings are irrelevant. It's not your job to feel sorry for anyone. It's your job to provide safe, competent nursing care and to behave with the same basic human respect you would expect for yourself, regardless of diagnosis or life history.

It's an ideal we often fail to reach ... but it remains the gold standard, IMHO.

It's hard to deal with patients who push our buttons, for whatever reason. But deal we must.

Thank you!

To the OP when you become a nurse just do your job and keep your personal feelings out of it. Unless you were present for everyday of that patient's life then you have no clue about the circumstances that lead them to be in the state they are currently in. I've made some poor decisions in my life and if only by the grace of God or good luck I didn't have to deal with the consequences of my actions. Some of my friends were not so lucky and are now dealing with the fall-out of choices made when we were younger and a lot stupider. When you know better you do better and some people don’t get it until it’s too late.

Try to remind yourself that even the “lowly” addict is a human being and most likely got caught up in drugs when they were too young and dumb to know better. Another issue is that many addicts are suffering from undiagnosed mental illnesses and self-medicate with illicit drugs the same way the 500lb non-compliant diabetic "whiner" self-medicated their mental illness with food. The end result is the same, self-destruction; everything else boils down to what agent is causing the destruction. Some people destroy themselves with illicit substances, some with food, some with ineffective health maintenance (you know the folks who skip going to the doc until they end up in the E.R. with a massive heart attack from 90% blocked arteries).

Why are some folks more deserving of your compassion then others? Is it because YOU feel that overeating and neglecting your health is better than using drugs? Who gave you the right to judge anyway? Also, do you think that most patients give two nickels about what YOU think? Not! They will feel your contempt despite your best efforts to hide it but really at the end of the day they want you to do your job and mind your own business.

Judge not lest you be judged because life really is a roller coaster ride and sometimes, even despite some of our best efforts, we fall by the way-side.

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Thank you to the posters who instead of judging me for my feelings are telling me that I can do my job properly in spite of what I feel internally.

Yes, I know I shouldn't feel that way, no, I don't think I'm perfect and I don't have any right to judge anyone, but I'm only human and I have feelings and I have emotions, if you want to judge my character based on them go ahead at least I know I'm being honest with myself and not conforming to what people think I should feel.

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wow onaclearday

Your outlook on patients as cash cows for the hospital is really fantastic. I'm going into nursing to help people, not make money for hospitals. I would rather noone ever get sick and me having to learn a new trade than to think of people getting sick as a means of making money.

People don't get sick just so money can be made. Sick people become a group of people that need to aquire a service - healthcare. Nothing wrong with wanting to pursue any profession for any reason. But, I think you need to completely understand. Don't be mystified. I hope you are going to sit and think this out some more. Matter of fact as I re-read your original post, it is pretty "fantastic".

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Specializes in Endoscopy, Med-Surg.

I work on a unit that deals with a lot of patients that have lung cancer and are smokers. But what I have found is that when I go and meet that patient and get to know them, the last thing on my mind is that they were a smoker, or did it to themselves. It is probably easier to imagine judging someone based on diagnosis and bad habits, but once you are taking care of the person and finding out about their life and loved ones you will probably be able to look beyond that.

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newnurse66

Thank you for telling me that, it gives me hope that when i'm in a similar situation I can try and do the same. I understand you probably dont feel the same as I do but what I mean is maybe once I get to know the patient I can see the person and not the smoker.

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My point exactly! Being judged does stings a bit now doesn't it? In the same way that you don't like being judged remind yourself, once you're a nurse, that others feel the same and you will do just fine!

Thank you to the posters who instead of judging me for my feelings are telling me that I can do my job properly in spite of what I feel internally.

Yes, I know I shouldn't feel that way, no, I don't think I'm perfect and I don't have any right to judge anyone, but I'm only human and I have feelings and I have emotions, if you want to judge my character based on them go ahead at least I know I'm being honest with myself and not conforming to what people think I should feel.

I've had patients say things along the lines of this to me:

Thank you to the nurses, who instead of judging me for my past actions are taking care of me properly, despite of what I've done to myself.

Becoming a nurse has been the most humbling experience of my life.

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Specializes in Gyn/STD clinic tech.

i disagree with your statement.

let's face it, people make poor decisions. the teen on the skateboard who decides to try and skate down a handrail, then dislocates his shoulder and breaks his femur. his poor choice caused this, but i do not feel in any way that he "got what was coming to him".

i feel same way regarding std's, unplanned pregnancy, mountain climbers who need rescuing, and anyone else who requires medical care-even if from their own actions.

it's not my place to make a judgment call that they "got what was coming".

you have to sometimes check your 'coat' of feelings regarding the ignorance of some people, and go in and do your best.

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