Doctors Say the Darnedest Things

Nurses General Nursing

Published

We've all heard weird, wild and even ludicrous things slip out of a doctor's mouth! Provide your quote for this National Nurses Week contest and you'll be entered to win a $250 amazon.com gift card!

Winner will be announced May 16, 2017

UPDATE May 19, 2017:

The winner of the 2017 National Nurses Week Doctors Say The Darnedest Things giveaway is user Racer15 who said:

I had a pt brought by EMS for altered mental status. ER doc is talking to the pt asking her what meds she takes. Starts listing them off and then says "and something to help with my memory, umm, it's called, umm..". Doc looks at her and says "well it's obviously not working", turns around and walks out

2017 National Nurses Week - 7 Days of Giveaways

About the Sponsor: <span class='notreplace sponsored'><a href='http://aspireclicks.com/RasmussenAllNursesfsb' title='Visit Rasmussen University' data-ipstooltip target='_blank' style=Rasmussen(2).jpg" data-imageproxy-source="https://staticimg.allnurses.com/custom/logo/rasmussen(2).jpg"> The Rasmussen College School of Nursing offers career-focused degree options that can help launch or advance your nursing profession. With a curriculum that is continuously evaluated and updated to include the most advanced patient-care procedures, you'll have both the insight and skills you need to improve the health and well-being of your patients. Follow Rasmussen College Nursing Articles & Blog for educational, engaging and entertaining industry-related content.

My doctor loves to tell me jokes when I am getting overwhelmed. His last joke was this: What happened when the man tries to search for information about impotence on he internet? The answer: Nothing came up. He gets me to laugh at his jokes and it changes my mood instantly.

During a code in our ICU the more muscled up guys tend to go straight for compression of course. So our unit pretty boy is going to town with his "awesome " compressions which were not very effective then in walks the critical care MD & says "it's not all about power. You need to master the technique." The look on pretty boys face was more then I could handle so I busted out "that's what she said" and had to leave the room I was laughing so hard. We still remind him technique is important in all areas of life!!

I worked on a surgical floor and one our orthopedic doctors had a farm so on the weekends he would work on his farm. Well one weekend he was on call and came into the hospital to see a new patient who need surgery. The doctor had apparently been working outside and was covered in dirt and looked like he hadn't showered in days! So he proceeds to tell the patient that he's the AC guy coming to fix it in his room. After that the patient didn't believe that the doctor was his real doctor so one of us nurses had to confirm that he was indeed the doctor - a really good one at that! Lol

That's not "sh$t" in your sons ear, its earwax.

"my nurse will take care of it"

Patient: how long will this vasectomy take?

Dr: it shouldn't take long, your testicles haven't sucked up into your stomach yet, so I should be able to find the tubes quickly. You seem pretty calm.

Surgery residents comes out of a patients room who has no kidneys on PD nightly... how did they do over night? Did they pee?

I tell him no and he looks at me like I'm crazy! He doesn't have kidneys!

Said to a patient on suicide precautions: "sure you can have a pass to be able to go with your family outside by yourself"

After a week of neverending petty baseless complaints against every nurse in the unit from a patient's daughter, the surgeon stomped into the room and said, "Starting at this very moment right here right now, you will stop this foolishness. You will not mess with my nurses again. If you do, you'd better have your mom's bags packed first!" And for emphasis he hugged me on the way out!

"Dr. I'm sorry but the pharmacy says that medication doesn't come in that miligram." Dr says "oh I know that. You wrote it down wrong. It's doxycycline not tetracycline!" (Even though it was a prewritten script from dr to nurse.) "Oh ok sir, thank you, I will let them know" -geez!

Put the order I wrote up to the phone maybe i can read what it says.

An OB MD who did a c-section on a patient who went septic. He transferred her to my telemetry unit and ordered antibiotics. 30 min later he calls me into the room in front of the patient and asked why I didn't give the antibiotics. I replied that the patient just got to the unit and pharmacy had to verify and mix the antibiotics. In front of the patient and family he screamed, "it's your fault she has an infection!!" I wrote him up for that. He's the one that caused it. Not me.

+ Add a Comment