Doctors Say the Darnedest Things

LovethyRNs · May 9, 2017

"How do you insert a UAC/UVC?"

janhope111 · May 9, 2017

'How do I eat this taco salad? What do I do?"

LovethyRNs · May 9, 2017

"You couldn't possibly know how to palpate for an enlarged liver! Nursing school isn't medical school."

awasha1118 · May 9, 2017

So I was in a room assisting with a patient in labor. The patient had been in labor for over 10hrs at the point when we did her next check and turn. The OB doc on call that night said " Ok well your at 8cm we should be having some action in the next hour or so. I won't go too far." As he was cleaned up and left the room I assisted the patient to her other side where she said..."Ahh my water just broke." Few seconds she said she had to push!!

We both looked at each other and started laughing because the doc on call literally just left the room. I called him back to the room immediately and he looked at the patient and said "Really! I left the room for not even 1 min and you go and try to have this baby without me." The woman was laughing so hard that we had to tell her to stop because the baby was crowning already and we didn't have everything setup! Later the doc tells the patient that was his first delivery of a baby with laughter.

Kerl22erl22 · May 9, 2017

Who has the longest fingers?

Gijenn51 · May 9, 2017

Best order ever. Heparin 5000 units submit lady parts. Ouch!

RNSK8r · May 9, 2017

A Neonatologist I work with is always telling the parents."The Nurses are my eyes and ears and I trust them!"

brat514 · May 9, 2017

Another nurse and I were inserting a Foley into a patient. Doc came in the room as we were doing it. He said. "oh, you have the one-eyed monster out!"

a1shif · May 9, 2017

"He didn't die, he just gave up being his wife's unpaid laborer since he retired."

Melissaso · May 9, 2017

Took care of a GSW victim in our ICU for several rotations of 6 on 8 off. He had a GSW at point blank range to his pons. He survived the injury and we (the nurses) weren't sure he would ever truly live but we were relentless in our fight for his life. We told his family the best thing they could do was to pray, knowing only a miracle could make him live again. Every shift someone would work with him. You could hear us trying to get him to follow commands every night.

I returned from my 8 off and of course took my patient back and got the surprise of a lifetime...he was following simple commands! I was warned the neurosurgeon didn't believe it and had even stated we were "stimulating him too much"! Of course I busted out laughing at that and when he rounded and asked about the patient I promptly told him he should go check for himself since we clearly did not understand how to perform a neuro check. My favorite quote ever was, "He is not following commands"! He was storming, stomping down the hallway after checking in him and realizing how very wrong he was.

P.S. The patient actually walked back into the unit one day to say thank you.

Condonlc · May 9, 2017

My doctor loves to tell me jokes when I am getting overwhelmed. His last joke was this: What happened when the man tries to search for information about impotence on he internet? The answer: Nothing came up. He gets me to laugh at his jokes and it changes my mood instantly.

Srg3232 · May 9, 2017

During a code in our ICU the more muscled up guys tend to go straight for compression of course. So our unit pretty boy is going to town with his "awesome " compressions which were not very effective then in walks the critical care MD & says "it's not all about power. You need to master the technique." The look on pretty boys face was more then I could handle so I busted out "that's what she said" and had to leave the room I was laughing so hard. We still remind him technique is important in all areas of life!!