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Doctors Say the Darnedest Things

Nurses   (82,460 Views 459 Comments)

11 Likes; 7 Followers; 77 Articles; 49,753 Visitors; 117 Posts

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229 Visitors; 1 Post

I was a new nurse and had a obese patient that was in respiratory distress and needed to be turned due to a plummeting O2 sat, the doctor looked at me and said " are you going to need help turning him?" to which I replied "yes." The doctor said, "well I can help you, but I have no idea what I am doing... they don't teach us how to move people in school." I was like... umm what???

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269 Visitors; 6 Posts

"That patient isn't a DNR? Well, bless her poor old soul. Someone should do that."

To which I replied. ..."yes, they should and I think it should be YOU...;)."

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204 Visitors; 1 Post

I had an elderly female patient who was speaking with a resident and informed him that she was supposed to be in Branson enjoying the fun but instead ended up in the hospital having surgery. The resident, without hesitation, replied, "Would you like me to dress as a pool boy? I can serve beverages." I almost fell out laughing & had to leave the room.

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191 Visitors; 1 Post

While planning my graduation party... the doctor overheard us and said "Foget Jell-O shots, empty out flushes and fill them up with the jello! Then you have a "real" shot!"

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Eagle2110 works as a Registered Nurse Case Manager.

5,180 Visitors; 106 Posts

Had a male patient who would be very anxious about the physician touching his wound. One day he asked for more lidocaine before the physician even got started. So the physician says " Lidocaine is for pu**ies, are you a pu**y?"

The patient never asked again.

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Creamsoda works as a RN ICU.

11,935 Visitors; 717 Posts

While reviewing my hospitalists progress note one day it seemed as if it was a usual unremarkable note on a stable patient, until I reached the last sentence. The doctor had written "It also seems as if the patients heart has exploded". He left it like that and I was at a loss for words. I went back through the patients documentation that day and realized that when the vital signs had been logged that shift, the person entering them had mistyped the heart rate and logged it as 937 instead of 93 as was on my rounding sheets. Love doctors with a sense of humor.

Definitely my favorite one!

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JadedCPN has 13 years experience as a BSN, RN and works as a Pediatric RN.

197 Likes; 1 Follower; 6,471 Visitors; 549 Posts

This was a quote on an actual medication order entered into the electronic medical record. He ordered Senna PRN. For the PRN reason, he took the time to type "poop." Under additional instructions, he typed "they really need to poop."

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JadedCPN has 13 years experience as a BSN, RN and works as a Pediatric RN.

197 Likes; 1 Follower; 6,471 Visitors; 549 Posts

Ok one more came to mind! Apparently they all revolve around stool lol.

One ortho doctor wrote in his progress note "pt states he is drooling without difficulty. Today took two toilet flushes."

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403 Visitors; 6 Posts

Me: Dr I've given the patient Tylenol as ordered and an hour later temp is still 102.9. It's too soon for Motrin

Dr.: Is your patient covered?

Me: Well he did have a blanket on and socks but I took them off and he now just has a sheet on.

Dr: (laughing hysterically, which is funny because he is elderly and serious all of the time) No!! Is your patient covered by antibiotics!!

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jaycam has 2 years experience and works as a Psychiatric Nurse.

4 Articles; 13,625 Visitors; 459 Posts

The provider I work on introduced themselves to me by saying "The people upstairs hate me, but that's okay because it means I am doing my job right. " Still love them to death most days. I go away on vacation and the next time they see me "Why did you leave us?"

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Ruby Vee has 40 years experience as a BSN.

923 Likes; 11 Followers; 64 Articles; 168,829 Visitors; 13,721 Posts

I was covering for lunch when the almost brand-new intern (it was the end of July) came in to see one of my colleague's patients. I was in the middle of pushing IV Lasix on one of my patients, so I didn't get to the bedside as quickly as the intern liked. As he was famous for doing in such situations, he turned to me and said "she needs a shampoo STAT." I told him sorry, but I was covering four ICU patients and I couldn't give a STAT shampoo -- it would have to wait until my colleague got back from lunch.

"I ordered a STAT shampoo," he said. "And I want it done RIGHT NOW!" He actually wrote the order for a STAT shampoo.

I reiterated that there's no such thing as a STAT shampoo, and even if there was it would have to wait until my colleague returned.

"If you don't do the shampoo right NOW, I'm going to call a code," he said. And did.

The entire code team descended on the MICU, including the guy's resident and Fellow. The last I saw of him, he was being escorted off the unit by his superiors and I could hear one of them telling him, "I didn't know (insert name of Medical School) let complete idiots graduate . . . "

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