Doctors Say the Darnedest Things

Marisa, RN

"oh ****!" When she was checking me while pregnant and my water broke and splashed her.

To a patient who had sat on a shoe polish lid and had come in for removal. Wear your dammed clothes from now when you polish your shoes.

We had an attention seeking person in the ER that would only "seize" when someone walked by or entered the bay. The doctor wasn't curious about the situation so he walked into the bay and the person started seizing and flailing. With a foley in hand the doctor said "if you don't stop that right now I'm going to put this catheter in you!". The patient stopped "seizing" sat right up in bed and didn't seize again for the rest of their ER visit.

Pt going to cta of chest .needs 20g or better iv access , has 18g ac. Dr says "oh the pt has an 18g ? Well they need a 20g or better so can you get a 22g ? "..... it was very hard to keep a straight face while explaining how iv gauges are sized ..... 😂😂😂😂😂

In the operating room,surgeon says give me what I need,not what I ask for.

"They don't make 10-750 Norco?" Uh no...

"Even if Mother Theresa walks through the doors, you do a urine hcg"

Edited May 4, 2017 by jendoucet3469

I once had a surgeon say to me after removing a child's ball from a patients rectum "I've seen everything from A to Z, apples to zucchini's"

When asked to describe an ortho resident, the attending said "Typical ortho beefcake, enjoys check boxes and neckties."

"His brain really is fried."

I think it's hot when a nurse says post ictal

"I only know this because a guy I was sleeping with, he used to snore so loud, it scared the **** out of me!" in reference to a breathing concern..to a family!

Edited May 8, 2017 by traumaRUs