Doctors Say the Darnedest Things Nurses Week Contest

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As a nurse, you've certainly heard doctors say some rather confounding things. As part of our 2019 celebration of National Nurses Week, we want you to share some of those things that come from the mouths of doctors which leave you shaking your head. Whether it's funny or infuriating, we want to hear it. You could win $250 courtesy of Jacksonville University just for sharing! Winners will be announced May 13, 2019.

About Jacksonville University

Since 1934, Jacksonville University has helped its graduates achieve lifelong success as learners, leaders, achievers and public servants. JU’s Brooks JU_260x60-Gif_Order-Form_KF-0518.jpg.7a37f9117bfab7d2467fc5e9f13835d5.jpgRehabilitation College of Healthcare Sciences and Keigwin School of Nursing prepare students to be leaders and innovators in the healthcare industry. CCNE-accredited and a member of American Association of Colleges of Nursing, Jacksonville University offers degree programs including: RN to BSN, RN to MSN*, MSN*, MSN/MBA and post graduate certificate options (*3 specializations available). Learn more about Jacksonville University.

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Specializes in NICU.

The day after I gave a patient a Harris flush to help her pass gas,the doctor stopped by to see her and said to her "we have just had funeral services for that nurse that got blown away by your gas" !

Still makes me laugh to this day.

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Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.

"I have a project for you. We're going to start the patient on leech therapy." ?

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

"You can't admit someone for just being weird." -Dr. G, psychiatrist

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatrics, Wound Care.

Asked a doc why we had a DNR/DNI actively dying patient on telemetry. "Well, we can get an accurate time of death"....

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Surgeon was placing an elderly woman's leg in a Hana traction boot before surgery and noticed the periwick catheter.

Surgeon: "What the hell is that? I've never had a patient so bold as to bring their vibrator with them to surgery."

Me: "This is our external female catheter that uses a wall suction. I heard it is quite...stimulating."

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"I actually don't know how to do that, I just write an order and a nurse does it"

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"You should have gone to school to become a doctor instead of a nurse and you wouldn't have to wipe s&%t."

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Look Mrs.Derrick,

No your Husbands Pacemaker doesn’t come with a Remote Control

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Specializes in AGACNP.

Just received a new ICU admission and was getting patient settled in bed. Had patient turned on side getting rid of extra linen. Doctor came in to see patient and wanted to do rectal exam. Since patient was already in position he said “you have to strike while the iron is hot!”.

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Specializes in AGACNP.

“What do you think? Should I tap that?” Realized he was referring to a pleural effusion on a chest x-ray.

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Specializes in Medsurg.

The nephrologist told the mother of a patient "if your son stayed off heroine he wouldnt be here now would he?" I almost fainted

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