ICUnurse1997

All I did was tell him it wasn’t time for another dose of dilaudid. Well there goes our patient satisfaction scores.

Janet: “Jim, what did you do this time to upset the patient? “ Jim: “All I said was that he can’t have family bring in fast food every meal since he is admitted with hypertensive emergency.”

“Oh no sweetie, did they have you work in the COVID-19 unit again?”

“I agree the pox party was fun and all, but I’d rather go to a shingles bar next time.”

“Is anybody else getting a bad feeling that we may have misdiagnosed this rash as a Penicillin allergy?”

“For tonight’s pox party, we will start off by playing connect the dots.”

“Look, Jim, it’s your turn to take the psych patient. I’m still having nightmares from Freddy Kruger look alike from last week.”

Cardiologist cardioverted an elderly women who had atrial fibrillation. After cardioversion she was bradycardic, hypotensive, and diaphorectic. Cardiologist said to paramedic student, “She was doing better when she was in a fib so we should put her back into a fib.” Paramedic student: “How do we do that?” cardiologist: “Well, we shocked her with 200 joules so maybe we should shock her with a negative 200 joules.” paramedic student: “Wow, we haven’t learned that in class yet!”

Cardiologist walked into patient’s room and said, “well, you’ve had a heart attack!” He then realized he went into the wrong room.

If I don’t get something for pain I’m leaving. I don’t care if I have to sign a paper, I’m going to leave!! (nurse secretly has AMA papers ready to sign for the past hour)

“What do you think? Should I tap that?” Realized he was referring to a pleural effusion on a chest x-ray.

Just received a new ICU admission and was getting patient settled in bed. Had patient turned on side getting rid of extra linen. Doctor came in to see patient and wanted to do rectal exam. Since patient was already in position he said “you have to strike while the iron is hot!”.

I told you already, when mother puts her call light on you are to drop everything you are doing and respond immediately!!

I pity the fool who doesn’t come fluff my pillow and bring me a warm blanket.

For the last time,Bob, I’m not going in there to start your patient’s IV. You’ve been off orientation for a month now and using a lame excuse about being afraid of your patient won’t work with me.