Do You Go To The Funeral?

PICNICRN, BSN, RN · Dec 27, 2008

I have gone to a few in my carreer, mostly of kids that I have been primary of. I feel like if I had a good connection and relationship with the family and they want me there, then I try to attend.

You're right though, some are still angry or would see staff as a reminder of painful memories. I'm with you, I think it all depends on the situation.

prmenrs, RN · Dec 27, 2008

I can only remember going to 2; one was a primary, Artie. We could only find an English speaking priest (family only spoke Spanish) In the middle of the graveside service, a Volkswagon beatle roared up, out came ~ 6 more nurses and docs from the unit, complete w/yellow isolation gowns. It looked like a clown car trick. If they were trying to make a quiet entrance, they failed.

The other one, a co-worker sort of talked me into. I brought a nice clothes from home, the co-worker picked me up. They played the LONGEST version of "Ribbon in the Sky" I have ever heard--trying to prolong the service until the Mom's partner could get there from work. Have never been able to listen to that song since. On the way back to work, I was walking across the lawn @ the hospital, and the slip I was wearing tried to fall off me! The elastic was shot I guess.

I'm thinking I should stay away from these things?

kangarooyou · Dec 28, 2008

I went to a memorial of one of my primary preemies...Lilly was her name. It was soooo beautiful, in the backyard of her parents home. I was the only NICU nurse there, and they made me feel so special...they had a chair set up in the family area...and on the table where they had her pictures, and her little mementos was the little card that I had placed on Lilly's bed..."as all princesses do...please, nurses make sure that you keep lip gloss on my dry lips" (tear) it was so sweet....lots of flowers, and bubbles....I cried and cried during the memorial.

I was glad that I went even though it was really hard, but seeing just how much it meant to Lilly's family, and how much they regarded me....so touching and something I will never forget.

I think that we should go when we are personally invited...yes it is hard....but....

2curlygirls · Dec 28, 2008

I've not gone. One, I especially regret not going to. I was very pregnant @ the time and it was fairly far away. I should've gone anyway. That little girl had been my primary before she went home. She came back for a reanastamosis (sp?) and basically bled out. I'd been very close with her family.

Fortunately, my new unit has less critical patients so much fewer deaths.

texas2007, BSN, RN · Dec 28, 2008

I've never been. It seems that we are rarely even notified of funerals/memorials unless the family personally invites specific nurses. I would probably only go if I had cared for the child often as a primary or something.

patrick1rn, MSN, RN, NP · Dec 28, 2008

Dont take your work home with you ..

Save what little emotions you have left for your family

Again, dont take your work home with you

Is work going to pay you to attend the funeral ?

BabyLady, BSN, RN · Dec 28, 2008

Dont take your work home with you ..
Save what little emotions you have left for your family
Again, dont take your work home with you
Is work going to pay you to attend the funeral ?

I think it's a compassionate, caring nurse that would attend a funeral of a patient. It may mean more to the family that you can ever imagine...by showing up you are showing that family that you cared about the well being of that patient above just coming in to punch a clock.

Some of the most profound impacts we can have on other people's lives take so little time, and so little effort.

mauigal · Dec 28, 2008

No work does not pay us for going to furnerals and I would not want the to. If they did then it would be a job requirement and I have enought of those.

ChristineN, BSN, RN · Dec 28, 2008

Dont take your work home with you ..
Save what little emotions you have left for your family
Again, dont take your work home with you
Is work going to pay you to attend the funeral ?

Sometimes nurses need closure too. And for some of us, the funeral helps bring that closure.

Imafloat, BSN, RN · Dec 28, 2008

I have gone and consider it an honor when the parents invite us, they are telling us that we are a part of their child's network of important people and they want us to be there.

One of the differences in neonatal critical care nursing and other nursing is that sometimes the babies live out their whole short lives in our units. I feel like it is completing the circle to attend these services, and letting the parents know that their baby did impact us, they were more than just another patient.

EricJRN, MSN, RN · Dec 28, 2008

I've been to one, for a family that we knew over the course of seven months. For me, I guess I'm able to gain closure without attending services - and I'm always afraid that I'll seem a little out of place. No matter how much it may personally affect me to lose a baby, I know that my pain is only a drop in the bucket compared to what the family must feel.

There's something to be said for limiting how much work shows up in our lives outside of the hospital. I won't say that we should never attend funerals, or that we should never call on an off day to check on that kid who just isn't doing well, or that we shouldn't buy that CPS kid just one little cute outfit. I just try to stay aware that inappropriate attachment or blurring of the work-home line can impact us and our own families more than we realize sometimes.