Well, after almost 10 years of varying degrees of hell for me and the people who love me, I may well have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Years of depression may have been not properly treated. Years of general practictioners handing me the whatever $400 pill sample the pharm reps give that week with a handful of obnoxious pens and cutesy badge holders. Years of being told, "Take this, it'll get better (or go away), get counseling, see you in 3 months." Years of not being referred to a specialist. Years of asking for very specific guidance only to be met with a blank look and pat on the shoulder and the reminder that "As a nurse, you know how this works. Check the yellow pages, call your insurance company."
After I tried to kill myself last summer, was that not a CLUE that something was out of control, namely me?
If you had a patient with new-onset IDDM, would you give them a script for insulin and needles, then say "Here you go!! Read the pamplets, don't eat sugar, and I'll see you in 3 months!! Take care, buh-BYE!!"
Am I mad? Damn skippy.:angryfire
OK, my question is this...how many nurses have a diagnosis of mental illness? Not just "the blues" or a normal grief reaction or pulling a mean drunk one weekend ; I mean something that will affect you from now until you die, and requires vigilance and management to remain functional not just as a nurse, but a person?
I have always wondered...are we attracted to a certain field because of who we already are, or does the vocation make the monster? There really does seem to be some troubled people in nursing. Is mental illness more likely in healthcare workers? (Wonder why, a real head-scratcher there:uhoh21: )
Catlady- Why is it untreated ? My Dad suffers from depression, and while the meds do not make him "happy", they allow him to function, and be rational. Off the meds he is delusional, almost paranoid, and literally doesn't eat.
It's the money, honey. Heck, I'm still finishing up the $100+ antibiotic I was prescribed for the tooth I had pulled the other day. Which I also paid out of pocket.
I'm not delusional or paranoid, and I'd sure like not to eat.
thank you for being so brave to talk about this subject! i too wonder if there is a connection between nursing and mental illness statistics? have you or anyone you ever known been discriminated against for not disclosing to employers?
i am afraid that i am in need of help sometimes myself.
i have had panic attacks at times where i was comfortably reading a pleasurable book.many days i have slept for nearly 24 hours instead of studying. i get so uncontrollably tired that i can't do anything until i get all the sleep my body craves. i know this sounds contradictory, but i am not a procrastinator. i don't want to be this way. I've got goals and sleeping my life away is not one of them!! i so rather do things in a timely fashion but i can not help how my body reacts to things that could be stressful. i managed to keep my grades above a 3.0. I am so interested in learning everything i can about nursing and i love love love my classes. however, battling my body's reactions to stress and anxiety is like fighting a very energy draining time consuming war. i just want to get up and study when time allots, not when my body feels like its a good time to study. i feel like it is a miracle that i am doing as well as i am scholastically. at times the only time i can study is between 1 am and 4 am. don't ask why. if i miss this boat then i am just out of luck for that day. i find myself being ridiculously angry about small things and i totally aware of it but i can not put the brakes on my potty mouth or my rotten mood.
i feel like i wear the biggest mask sometimes. i have made a perfect score on tests, but i can't organize a sock drawer. my car and my house is a mess. not because i am a slob. my mother didn't raise me to be that way. i was not always this way. i want to change back to being the productive person i have been in the past.
can anyone relate remotely?
i have only seen a med. doc who checked me out physically. i dint want to be a hypochondriac but i know what i go through just can't b normal. i am afraid to take medicines that may help me for they may make me sleepy and also i don't want to have to lie to my employer so i want be discriminated against.
It's the money, honey. Heck, I'm still finishing up the $100+ antibiotic I was prescribed for the tooth I had pulled the other day. Which I also paid out of pocket.
I'm not delusional or paranoid, and I'd sure like not to eat.
Catlady, I know health care can be expensive especially if you don't have health insurance. If you don't have health insurance or have a high deductible I would suggest finding out if there is a free health clinic near by. The catch is whether you might make too much to qualify according to their guidelines but you won't know until you ask. I work at one as a clinic manager and we see a lot of different people. Unfortunately we have a large call for mental health counseling but only have two doctors and one occassional psychotherapist. Good luck.
I am a 15 year psych RN with a long history of depression that is actually cyclethymia (high functioning bipolar) with meds on and off since adolecsence. Several years ago I was started on a mood stablizer with great results. I do go through some lower functioning cycles and have a lot of sleep disturbance, but I work nights too, so that does not help a lot! I had to be hospitalized once for a few days after a very traumatic event ( different hospital, of course).
As far as I am concerned, nurses are people too, and we get HTN or DM just like everyone else. Nurses tend to self medicate (not illegal!) but with getting a script here and there, samples from docs etc, but IMHO, the only difference between staff and patients is that the staff has keys!
I don't share my personal stuff with patients, but I think that my experiences give me greater empathy for my patients, and a better understanding of the disease process and meds. I have chronic pain as well, and am able to encourage patients with this problem to be their own advocate in a system that is very difficult to navigate for anyone. I think I have become a better nurse from all of this, but that is not to say that I am any better or worse than anyone else.
Mental illness is a fact of life, with increased numbers of diagnosis every day.
Without publically "coming out of the closet" so to speak, we as nurses can do a lot to "destigmatize" (that is probably not a word, but you get the drift) mental illness by our own attitudes towards our patients and ourselves.
So, find a good MD, take good care of yourself, take your meds, have a few good friends or a therapist you can touch base with when you need to, and find your "warning signals": things that happen when you get destablized, for example high stress situations or other disease diagnosis.
No one really knows that I too suffer from this. I have never been suicidal but have been in the deep dark place (you all can relate to the place I am talking about). I was there the other night. I was all worried about my mother getting older and I cried the entire night. People would have thought I was crazy. I keep the radio on all night and it all started when I heard a song. Not even a particularly sad song, it just resignated with me. I take a script for this, but sometimes it does not help. I am a student and I know I just have to get through this. My doctor says it is hormonal though I have had it most of my life.
Yes, I have major depression, currently treated with medication. I have seen my friendly shrink. I do have episodes where it gets worse.
We talk about it freely among ourselves at work, and almost everyone who works my shift on my unit takes something, either antidepressants or antianxiety meds.
Does work make us crazy, or are us crazies (just a figure of speech, please don't get all upset with me) drawn to the job? Don't know. Six of one, half a dozen of the other?
Major Depression since childhood. Nervous breakdown as teen missed one year of junior high, no treatment other than talk therapy was available to teens back in the dark ages. (1970)
Managed to cope for the next 25 years, then Major Depression hit again, nervous breakdown repeat, unable to work for almost a year
PRAISE GOD for medicine!!! Past 10 years monthly visit to Shrink, 100mg Zoloft BID, feeling great!
Up until 10 years I just knew I was seriously compromised somehow. How wonderful to know it's merely an issue of brain chemistry, not my fault. I have never felt so normal in all my life. I don't regret what I've been through. If telling someone, helping someone else escape mental illness then I have shared the gift given to me............. Proper Treatment. I believe true mental illness requires a psychiatrist and medication not merely a prescription from a PCP.
my dad has bi-polar disorder. he wasn't diagnosed until he suffered a severe car accident 12 yrs ago. he has used drugs/alcohol for most of his adult life, and now i think it is because he was trying to self medicate. now he is on a regimine of perscription drugs but he still drinks. his dr's have tried many combinations of drugs on him, but nothing seems to be a magic bullet. he functions, but he uses alcohol is he feels his drugs "aren't working". in pharm. class we learned that people w/ bi-polar sometimes have problems sticking to the perscription regimine, because when they are manic they are feeling so good that they might feel no need to take the meds right then. that is my dad, he doesn't always use his meds as perscribed and i think that makes it hard to stabilize his mood. it is so hard to see the pain that he goes thru but i love him so much! i am so proud of his courage though; it takes a lot for a person to live with this. i commend your courage and bravery to work through this. i can't imagine that is it easy so God bless you, and thank you for allowing me to celebrate my dad.
Major Depression since childhood. Nervous breakdown as teen missed one year of junior high, no treatment other than talk therapy was available to teens back in the dark ages. (1970)
Managed to cope for the next 25 years, then Major Depression hit again, nervous breakdown repeat, unable to work for almost a year
PRAISE GOD for medicine!!! Past 10 years monthly visit to Shrink, 100mg Zoloft BID, feeling great!
Word to that. I can't tell you how many times over the years I pleaded with doctors to prescribe medication, only to have them look at me like I was some drug-seeking lowlife. Unlike you, however, I have found no benefit in talk therapy, and doctors love to push that.
I too suffer from a major depressive disorder with paranoid features. I have had it sonce before high school and am 37 now. I have I spent alot of time thinking about suicide, and have had family members and friends commit suicide. I've been "in treatment" for about 5 years of so, seeing a pshychiatrist monthly for most of that time. Had Major episode last year and I started cutting myself and couldn't cope with work or day to day activities. Had to spend 5 days inpatient. My DON (several) have always been aware of my mental condition and that I take antipshcotics and antidepressants and were very supportive during my hospitalization and treatment. Most of the staff know that I have "isuues" and when I'm in an off mood figure I missed a dose of my meds.
I have been known to do this...long ago...( and not so long)
catlady, BSN, RN
678 Posts
It's the money, honey. Heck, I'm still finishing up the $100+ antibiotic I was prescribed for the tooth I had pulled the other day. Which I also paid out of pocket.
I'm not delusional or paranoid, and I'd sure like not to eat.