Death of a student

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Lost a 13 year old student last night. No indications of any behaviors, problems, etc. Very hard to process, and even harder to be there for his fellow classmates, who think they comprehend everything. To see big 8th grade boys sniffling and holding it together, only to fall apart and turn back into broken little boys at the sight of their mother's is a heartbreak I wish I could unsee. This was the worst day of my nursing career. Probably ever. Tomorrow, everyone will know and details will be out.... advice?

Specializes in Geriatrics, Dialysis.

I'm so sorry this happened. Any chance of getting a grief counselor involved? It may help.

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Specializes in Pedi.

I sense that this was a suicide. For those left behind, suicide is the hardest thing to process because there will ALWAYS be "what if?" questions. In my professional life, I haven't had to deal with the death of a child by suicide (the kids I work with die frequently but of cancer) but I did have that experience with a classmate when I was in high school. Death of a child by cancer is horrible but there isn't that life long nagging of "what if I'd only called him or told him I loved him that day?"/the idea that the outcome would have been different if you had.

My high school had 3 student deaths in under 3 1/2 years. 2 car accidents, 1 suicide. What I remember is that the suicide was treated very differently by the teachers/admin. The first car accident took the life of a very popular student. For the rest of that year, the basketball team wore black bands on their uniforms in her honor. They wore them all the way to the state finals. When her class graduated, there was an entire page in the yearbook dedicated to her. 2 years later, we had a suicide. The requisite announcement that a classmate had died was made by the principal on Monday morning. My first class that morning was a class that we had been in together. The teacher said something about it for about 2 seconds before she went on with the class. It was never mentioned again after that but her empty seat was a presence for the rest of the year. As they had done with the first case, students wrote memories on this student's locker to express their grief. In the first (car accident) case, these had been left in place for the rest of the school year. They were painted over within 2 weeks in the case of the suicide. There was no full page dedication in the yearbook when her class graduated the following year and she was not honored at any school sponsored events. I see JusyBeachy's point about not sensationalizing suicides to protect vulnerable students who may be at risk but, as a teenager who'd lost a friend, it just felt like the lives of the popular students were more important even in death. I remember that her close friends wanted to have everyone wear her favorite color to school one day to remember her and it was the biggest fight with the administration to get them to make an announcement about it. The third death was of a student who'd recently graduated. He was hit by a drunk driver. He had been popular in the band and theater when he was in high school and, therefore, upcoming musicals or concerts were dedicated to him.

Grief counselors were available in all cases- I think they were on campus for the first 2 days and during that time, students were free to miss class to go speak to them at any time. OP, does your school have the option to bring in professionals from the community for such a thing?

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Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

Not a school nurse, but in psych, we do deal with death quite a bit.

Some advice for YOU: remember to take care of yourself and let yourself process and grieve. You may not have been this kid's family or BFF forever, but that doesn't mean you weren't affected.

And don't be afraid to show others that you do feel the loss and emphathy for the other kids and families. You don't need to be in hysterics...at the same time, don't feel like you have to keep that "stiff upper lip" and not show any emotion.

I'm sorry.

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Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.

I see nothing wrong with a memorial in a yearbook or teammates or friends doing something (wearing a color or moment of silence) for a lost student whether suicide, homicide, car crash, drunk driving...

I think guilt makes some of the survivors go overboard. Like the roadside memorials at dangerous curves maintained for years. Remember the life don't sensationalize the death.

If my child died from a cancer I'd much rather he be remembered for his smile and sportsmanship than the "kid who died from cancer". Same if it was Bob who committed suicide or Beth who was killed by a drunk driver. Remember my friend Bob instead. Remember & savor the good times & memories along the way not the tragic ending (regardless of the cause) is really my point.

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Specializes in LTC.

take care of your self and give out hugs and tissues liberally to all.....it will be a rough week and will be thinking of you.

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Thank you for all your comments. They really have been a huge help. I have been forcing myself to take me time that turns off the sadness for a while. Got my nails done and out for a date with the fiancé now.

A fellow student is being blamed for this unconfirmed suicide. She was overhead telling me along with other friends that her last words to him were "I hate you and wish you weren't here." She feels his death was her fault. A couple days later she states these comments were made a year ago, but still were said. Her friends have turned against her, the rumors are vicious and easily heard. She has been pointed out by many students as "that's the girl."

Admin and parents were notified. She's been talking to counselors, which she admits aren't helping. I gave her my work cell to call if she needed someone, especially going into a 3 day weekend which she will no doubt spend on Facebook. Because that's *******' healthy.

My heart breaks for this little girl.

Thank you all again

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Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.

How horrible. Confiding in friends s d have them all turn against her. I would ensure she has a referral to the crisis team.

Good for you to take care of yourself.

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Specializes in kids.

Ohhhh kids can be so mean.....I'm glad you are taking care of yourself. This WILL pass, painfully, but it will. They will regroup and hopefully the collateral damage will not be too bad.

Hang in there

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All very good posts with information pertaining to the subject.

We lost an 11 year old student last year on a Friday. On Monday, we had a day of grief as well with the crisis intervention team on campus to talk with the students. One on one or in a group.

We also followed up with that campus on a regular basis.

We added some resources to our crisis management folder that dealt with grieving and children.

So sorry for your loss.

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Specializes in school nursing, ortho, trauma.

Wow, heavy stuff all around. My heart breaks for the deceased student's family and the girl now taking the blame. I am sorry for your loss. I am hoping your school and the community will find strength and peace.

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missjodi, wondering how you are holding up..

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Specializes in School.

Listen, wipe tears, and let them know it's okay to cry and be angry or sad. I have been through 2 deaths of active students and 1 of a student who had just graduated a year earlier. Each one was in vehicle accidents. Sometimes they need to know what they are feeling is natural. In one case one leader of the football team just need time to cry. He was trying to stay so strong for others that he was not taking care of himself or grieving.

Prayers headed your way. God knows where you are and how to take care of your needs.

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