Death of a student

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Lost a 13 year old student last night. No indications of any behaviors, problems, etc. Very hard to process, and even harder to be there for his fellow classmates, who think they comprehend everything. To see big 8th grade boys sniffling and holding it together, only to fall apart and turn back into broken little boys at the sight of their mother's is a heartbreak I wish I could unsee. This was the worst day of my nursing career. Probably ever. Tomorrow, everyone will know and details will be out.... advice?

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Specializes in Ambulatory Care-Family Medicine.

Not a school nurse but have been in those teenagers shoes. They are about to bury a friend at too young of an age. They will question everything for a while. Just be there for them and answer their questions as honestly as you can without judgement. They will ask why many many times. The thing that helped me most was being told that all of the sadness, hatred, and confusion I was feeling was normal.

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I'm so, so sorry. It's the most horrible thing. I have no advice, except just to be there for the kids, and be there for yourself as well.

Come here and vent if you need to.

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I am so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult this will be. I would say just be a safe place for the kids and let them know they can come to you.

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Specializes in kids.

I'm so sorry....{{Gentle Hugs}}. I have been where you are and it hurts.

In our school we:

give the kids a day to openly grieve

be where they need to be (with their friends)

lots of supervision

encourage parents to not dismiss them unless they will be supervised

On the second day

We give them some latitude in being together but with directed supervision

refer them to guidance

discourage large groups where they can wind each other up

By the third day,, we try to get back to a regular routine because they NEED it!!!

We do not sensationalize/memorialize in a manner that gives the deceased child more "glory"

We acknowledge their grief and encourage their parents involvement

We try to identify kids who are at risk for copycat

You will be a touch point for kids (and staff) who have no connection to the child or situation, yet it will make old stuff bubble up in some kids who have previously been traumatized with a death.

There will be kids who fall apart just because they are emotionally unstable to start with.

As for you, talk it out with someone you trust. Get a massage. Go for a walk. Take care of yourself as you will be taking care of everyone else.

Again,

My sympathy and support to you and your school family.

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Specializes in Pediatrics Retired.

1st thing to do is beg God to comfort those kids. Hold them close and understand they are so innocent they can't comprehend such a tragedy. Don't tell them what they should think. Assist in their grieving process in a manner, within reason, they choose. Facilitate and encourage them to attend the funeral and encourage their parents to be by their side. My #2 son, who is a senior this year, had a close friend and classmate that committed suicide when they were in 6th grade....devastating for all who knew him and those who didn't; it ripped the hearts of the entire community since this boys parents were well known in the community; honor roll student, star athlete---why? why? The kids still visit his grave every year on his birthday and honor him at each school celebration. Their basketball team wore matching headbands with his number monogrammed on them. The headband still occupies a bedpost on my son's bed. I know this is wordy but I hope it could be helpful in helping these kids move forward in coping with such a heartbreaking loss...with God's grace.

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we have a crisis team for this reason, admin, counselors, guidance, school nurse in place and always ready to go, but sometimes just an open door and open arms for hugs is the only thing that can get through the day, so sorry about the loss

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Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.

Not a school nurse but there is a trained (as in licensed psychologists, LCSW, LPC, and a psychiatrist or two) that work with SAC & guidance team for crisis intervention on the county level. Trained professionals are available 24/7 on call. A large enough event they will call in the PESS screeners (psychiatric emergency screening services) who are cross trained in crisis assessment and intervention.

Watch for signs of copy cat behaviors

Be alert for those who need an ear

Encourage admin to return to normal scheduling by day 3 if possible

Work with admin to discourage sensationalization and hypermemorualization of this crisis situation. If the child felt alone, and many teens do, this can trigger a domino effect causing other despondent or lonely teens to feel they are only noticed when they die. Unfortunately I have seen this happen. Moderately popular child, signs of depression and suicidal ideation were laughed off/ignored as in "this kid has it good they can't be serious threats". Child has one successful attempt. Huge memorialization, lots of ceremony celebrating the life of the deceased triggered attempts in other vulnerable teens reinforcing the "better off dead" mentality.

Post suicide hotlines.

Have an open door.

Perhaps make a team for the national light up the night walk for suicide prevention to create awareness that death is final and there are options.

Take any ideation seriously and keep direct supervision, alerting parents and the crisis team.

Don't tell kids how to feel. Some may be sad. Some may be confused. Some may be angry. None are wrong. Some may need professional assistance to work through feelings and thoughts and there is nothing wrong with needing/getting help.

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Very sorry .. Prayers and hugs

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

Wow....I

m so sorry....((HUGS)) Be there for them.

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How did he die?

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