Dad just doesn't understand...

Katie5 · May 6, 2011

He may be living thru you, wishing he had made other choices when he was your age. I recommend you continue with your goals. Who knows what the future may bring? You may decide to do any or all of the things he talks about. I believe he will be proud of you when he realizes you are proud of you. Meanwhile, smile and make an amendment to his comments, like "well, one step at a time, nursing has many options".

Or he may not. I sincerely believe that most of the time, parents genuinely want the best for their kids. Their manners of expression may be rustic and rub the wrong way. Remember though their upbringing, thus not all parents are free of manner in being so loving (even though we try to make them;) become more expressive.)

Hear your dad out, hear him out with no intent to reply. Hear his paradigm and then make an informed choice.

"The essence of empathic listening is not that you agree with someone, it's that you fully, deeply understand that person, emotionally as well as intellectually"- Stephen Covey

dancerpro · May 6, 2011

It sounds like your father really cares about you and has high expectations. At the same time, you sound very ready and decided on nursing school. He will see in due time that nursing school is perfect for someone like you: passionate, caring, smart, and hard working. He will learn in time to not only accept your choices in life, but support you and will be so very proud that you will be an RN (and a good one at that). :)

Fiona59 · May 6, 2011

I work with a nurse who's father said the the same thing to him. But factor in this man already has a degree in a very specialized field and could have made it into med school.

He told me he sat his Dad down and explained a few things. He had our union contract out and pointed out wages, benefits, OT rates, paid sick leave, vacation entitlements. Then he pointed out the cost of med school, set up and running an office, paying for private extended health plans, etc.

His father is now very proud of the family nurse.

kabooski · May 6, 2011

Your very young, if your dad is willing to support you while going to med school, why not consider it?

It does take a much higher educational brain power. Compare the stack of books of nursing vs MD

Their is a shortage of Doctors not Nurses. Remember these are strangers giving you advice and your Dad is family

mustlovepoodles, RN · May 6, 2011

Hello AN brothers and sisters!
I'm just having a little trouble getting my Dad to see things from my point of view....here's the story:
I'm 20 y/o, a pre-nursing student, and have worked as a CNA in my hospital for 2 years. I love my job and truly enjoy taking care of people (especially cute old people, you guys know the type), but I think my Dad still can't understand why I would chose nursing over medicine. He doesn't out and out say this to me, but implies it in talking about the benefits of being an MD, mainly the monetary benefits.
I'm not so much lacking confidence in my decision to go into nursing, but more of disappointing my Dad. He really cannot fathom why I would not choose medicine so I can make more money.
When we have visited some family in the past and discussed my career choice, he almost immediately told them that I'm going to be an NP, which is not necessarily true. I may become a NP later on in my career, but right now I'm looking forward to becoming an RN and proud of that! In fact, I'm darn proud of being a CNA!
I don't think I'm necessarily looking for advice or opinions, but I just needed some way to let all this out! Thanks for listening, everyone!

I was in your shoes when I was an 18yr old college student. I came home and announced that I was changing my major from biology to nursing. My father was furious; My mother, stunned. My father launched a tirade that you would have to hear to believe. Mostly it was along the lines of "You'll never have anything, you've always been nothing, and you'll be nothing til the day you die." He was mad because i didn't become a civil engineer. Seriously.

Well, I have to tell you the REST OF THE STORY...Fast forward about 28 years...Dad is dying of lung cancer, he's in very bad shape. I swoop in and get him to the intensive care. Then I nurse him for the next 28 days while he slowly drowns in his own fluids. His body is failing, but his mind is intense. In that time, Dad apologized to me. Several times. He cried about it, remembering how horrible he was to me, how he never helped me accomplish anything, but only stood on the sidelines waiting for me to fail. And he cried some more. At the end of his life, Dad was grabbing any nurse who would listen to him and told them his story. He bragged to everyone within earshot that "My daughter-the-nurse is here!" And then he'd go on to tell them how awful he had been and how sorry he was. One of his CNAs had 5 girls at home. Dad literally BEGGED this man to send his daughters to nursing school!

Don't write your dad off yet. I know that as a parent I only want my kids to succeed. Sometimes my idea of what their success would be is very different from what THEY want. I have learned to keep my mouth shut and support whatever it is that's important to them. Maybe your dad just needs some time to get his brain hooked up to his mouth. Stick to your guns and do what's best for YOU.

anotherone, BSN, RN · May 7, 2011

First off, I've only been employed as an RN for a little over 2 months, but I KNOW, that a GOOD CNA can Make or Break your shift - so THANK YOU because you sound like you are a GREAT CNA!
I've always heard that the biggest difference between nurses and doctors is that doctors treat the disease - Nurses treat and CARE for the WHOLE person - not just a disease process.
...

ugh this always annoyed me. the doctors where i work care for the WHOLE person..... so much so that if they aren't sure about something they consult another doctor(or is that turfing off another disease?)

rn/writer, RN · May 7, 2011

ugh this always annoyed me. the doctors where i work care for the WHOLE person..... so much so that if they aren't sure about something they consult another doctor(or is that turfing off another disease?)

"Turfing" is dumping an unwanted patient on another service primarily to get rid of them. For example, an ER doc could send an unruly patient up to a cardiac floor because they have a non-threatening arrythmia, and there are no open beds on the psych unit (where the patient really belongs).

Consulting other docs when unsure how to treat a co-existing problem is a good thing done for the patient's benefit. Turfing is a bad thing done for the doctor's benefit.

GRUNGE · May 7, 2011

THERE THERE

Katie5 · May 7, 2011

Originally Posted by Grumpygs
I've always heard
that the biggest difference between nurses and doctors is that
doctors treat the disease -
Nurses treat and CARE for the WHOLE person - not just a disease process.

ugh this always annoyed me. the doctors where i work care for the WHOLE person..... so much so that if they aren't sure about something they consult another doctor(or is that turfing off another disease?)

Rumours- that how it starts. Someone 'hears" an idea and runs with it, irrespective of how true or untrue it it.

The previous OP stated she heard- you work with- make the call.

allnurses Guide · May 7, 2011

. . .Well, I have to tell you the REST OF THE STORY...Fast forward about 28 years...Dad is dying of lung cancer, he's in very bad shape. I swoop in and get him to the intensive care. Then I nurse him for the next 28 days while he slowly drowns in his own fluids. His body is failing, but his mind is intense. In that time, Dad apologized to me. Several times. He cried about it, remembering how horrible he was to me, how he never helped me accomplish anything, but only stood on the sidelines waiting for me to fail. And he cried some more. At the end of his life, Dad was grabbing any nurse who would listen to him and told them his story. He bragged to everyone within earshot that "My daughter-the-nurse is here!" And then he'd go on to tell them how awful he had been and how sorry he was. One of his CNAs had 5 girls at home. Dad literally BEGGED this man to send his daughters to nursing school!

What a gift to both of you. You were able to reconcile the hurts of the past, and spend hours together until the end.

Your story reminds me of a couple of amazing speeches on the theme of being true to yourself even if you aren't sure exactly how it will all tie up. So on the off-chance some readers were raised on a remote island somewhere and have never heard of Randy Pausch or Steve Jobs - I'm posting these for informational use: both can change your outlook in a profound way.

The Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams -Randy Pausch @Carnegie Mellon

Steve Jobs 2005 Stanford Commencement Address.

Steve EMT-B · May 7, 2011

I hear the same thing about becoming an RN... my issue is my back, I have had 2 surgeries and everyone wants to know why I still insist on nursing...#1 I enjoy helping people #2 it is a very broad field... I am currently going for my assosiates then either nurse anesthestitist or practioner... Difference between NP and PA... PA has to take boards every six years... once you get NP thats it... My belief on medicine.... Doctors depend on nurses to tell them what is best for the patient and they know it... :lol2:

negative · May 7, 2011

Hey, Well.

Just strive on, i believe one day he will understands your mindset instead of his.

all parents thing the other way from their child as always they want them for their own good?!

Strive on, proud on what you are now and future.

life is too short to be bother by things,

though in this case is your dad, but i do believe he will understand in due time.

well, hope to see you as a RN in years time. NURSES ROCKS!

haha!