Dad just doesn't understand...

[kool-aide, RN]

Hello AN brothers and sisters!

I'm just having a little trouble getting my Dad to see things from my point of view....here's the story:

I'm 20 y/o, a pre-nursing student, and have worked as a CNA in my hospital for 2 years. I love my job and truly enjoy taking care of people (especially cute old people, you guys know the type), but I think my Dad still can't understand why I would chose nursing over medicine. He doesn't out and out say this to me, but implies it in talking about the benefits of being an MD, mainly the monetary benefits.

I'm not so much lacking confidence in my decision to go into nursing, but more of disappointing my Dad. He really cannot fathom why I would not choose medicine so I can make more money.

When we have visited some family in the past and discussed my career choice, he almost immediately told them that I'm going to be an NP, which is not necessarily true. I may become a NP later on in my career, but right now I'm looking forward to becoming an RN and proud of that! In fact, I'm darn proud of being a CNA!

I don't think I'm necessarily looking for advice or opinions, but I just needed some way to let all this out! Thanks for listening, everyone!

[rn/writer, RN]

Might be a good thing to sit down with your dad and ask him why he wants you to become a doc. Is it the financial success? The prestige? Really get him talking and show him you're listening to whatever he has to say. Don't respond immediately except to thank him for sharing his thoughts.

Give yourself some time to mull over what he's told you. Then evaluate each aspect he brought up. Gather some information about earnings vs. student loans, office overhead, Liability Insurance and all the other costs involved. Compare stress levels and the amount of family time and personal freedom that docs and nurses have.

Set aside a time for the two of you to talk again. Let him know you have done some research, and tell him what you have found.

Point out some obvious advantages each group has. Docs have more autonomy. Nurses have more freedom to change specialty area, geographical location, and employers.

He may not listen to what you have to tell him, but, if nothing else, you will be ready for anyone else who comes along and tries to change your mind. And you'll know in your heart what you really want to do.

Even if you don't get him to agree with you, he may be impressed by your willingness to hear him out. That kind of connection can't hurt. And if he can see that many of the things he hopes you'll get from being a doc are available to you as a nurse, he just might come around to your way of thinking.

[tyvin, BSN, RN]

With the new health care laws come into effect doctors aren't gong to be making that much more money. People think just because you're a doctor you have money and unfortunately it's not true. Unless the doc is in a specialty they struggle big time.

NPs are what is going to be happening when the ACA comes. We all have to wait and see but nurses especially APNs will be at the forefront and in charge. Let your father know that nurses are going to be running things after the dust settles in 2014.

[CareteamRN70]

Get a pamplet on Nurse Practitioner and show that your father. Nowadays NP's do most of what MD's used to do. My primary care is provided by a NP and I would rather have them then an MD.

I Had a friend who went to med school and after seeing what he went thru I would never even think about becoming an MD. The cost, the time, the hours..what good is the money if you never have time to enjoy it? What good the prestige if your own children forget what you look like...Im not joking, my friend has a nanny raising his kids.

Just my 2 cents..oh and I am only one year out from school but I could never regret the choice i made to become a nurse. Jobs, yes, situations, yes, but never the career itself.

Semper Fi

Big J

[MelEpiRN]

To quote a friend of mine's recent facebook status: "$83,000 for a third year of med school? *sigh*"

Multiply x 4...I'd much rather be a nurse than worry about paying that off for the rest of my life!

It'll be ok...my dad chose my nursing degree (since he was paying for it). He didn't really understand why I chose to do my masters in public health instead of NP. Then one day he got really excited when he learned from a friend of his that my epidemiology major could actually earn me a 6 figure salary (which I chose not to take either).

My point is...when he sees that you're happy in what you choose to do, he'll get over it. You do what you want to do.

[Merlyn]

I remember the time I told my father that I wanted to be a nurse. I come from a long line of stone masons. my great-grandfather and grandfather work on the NJ State House. Back in England my ancestors work on the great churches. So when I told him he called me a very politically incorrect name that meant I should ask the boy down the street for a date. It was only when I asked him (and I don't offend anyone here) "Dad, do you know how many naked women I'll see in one day as a nurse?" From then on it was always,"I want you to see my smart kid." I told you this story to say it's your life be a nurse. If he can't handle that, tell him to go take a hike

[LongislandRN23]

So is your dad willing to pay $60,000 a year for medical school?

[loriangel14, RN]

Well I have nothing to add to the already ecellent posts here except to say I hope your Dad sees the light Kool Aide.I have read your posts on AN and you are obviously a very caring and compassionate person. You will be an excellent nurse. Best of luck.

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

He may be living thru you, wishing he had made other choices when he was your age. I recommend you continue with your goals. Who knows what the future may bring? You may decide to do any or all of the things he talks about. I believe he will be proud of you when he realizes you are proud of you. Meanwhile, smile and make an amendment to his comments, like "well, one step at a time, nursing has many options".

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

Kool,

I think that RN/writer gave you some excellent advice. Have a chat with Dad. See what his issues are; hear him out. Then regroup.

BTW, kisses to Luke from Minnie!

Canes

[caroladybelle, BSN, RN]

Respectfully, Dad really doesn't know what he is asking.

Med school - 10 years of premed, med school and residency just to start. Add in fellowships and speciality training. Graduating 100s of thousands of dollars in debt. As a nurse with over 10 years of experience, I made more than many of the interns and residents, while working half the hours . And I certainly don't work 30 hours on shifts for years like them. House staff rarely get a full weekend off.

And when you finally go to private practice, you will have to pay for staff, office and management, malpractice fees. If you are independent, you are on 24/7 for years unless you get another service to cover. If you are in a group, you will again be pulling the vast majority of call/weekends for several years to build your practice. You will also get many of the walkins and discards of other MDs. You will have little mobility and are will be financially locked in.

And with the current healthcare situation, you are entering one of the most cut cost and diminishing return areas of care. MDs are living the profession in record numbers because of diminishing reimbursement and increasing paperwork.

Medicine is not the high return career that it once was, either financially or psychologically.

[nursel56]

I'm always a little taken aback when someone says "why not be a doctor" instead of a nurse. In my mind they're so different, leaving aside the money question altogether, when you take a good long look at both it becomes almost like asking "why don't you become an accountant instead?" Even when you get to the NP level. Too many people think an NP is a nurse morphing into a doctor (MD) or a nurse who really wanted to be a doctor (MD) and "couldn't make the cut".

I don't see any evidence of it in your post - but unfortunately I've seen the tragic consequences in someone's life who became an MD to please her family. Her dad and her brother were both MDs. It's a bit ironic - the one person she clung to and reached out to was an older female relative, a retired Lt Col in the Army Nurse Corps who'd served in WWII, with the hospital unit that was part of the liberation of Dachau. She endowed a scholarship in my friend's name to a College of Nursing in their home state. The funds are set aside for DNP students.

[Katie5]

Just the other day I had a confused little lady call me "doctor." When I said to her, no honey, I am not the doctor, I am your nurse. Her granddaughter said "don't she wish she was a doctor?" I spoke up immediately and said, Actually, no I do not wish I was a doctor. Had I wanted to be one, I would have applied to medical school. I love being a nurse and would never want to be a doctor. You should have seen all eyes in that room on me, lol.

In a patient's room, with the family?

Overkill.