Cry me a river...?

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I have been in healthcare for a long time (since just out of high school) in one form or another. There's a trend I've noticed with a lot of posts that I'm wondering if it's new, or if I've just happened to miss it over the decades.

So many people post about crying at work, before work, after work, well, you get the picture. Are things really that bad, or are people less "resilient" (to use a recent buzzword)?

I have no problem with crying. It's whining that irks me.

6
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Cardiac, Transplant, Intermediate Care.

I have encountered some odd people in my 18 years of working as a CNA and nurse. Mostly in the form of coworkers. I have always promised myself that the day this job makes me cry is the day I give my notice.

1
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
17 hours ago, Jedrnurse said:

Possible, but I'm not sure that crying at work inspires confidence in a professional's reputation.

It's best to duck out somewhere when you realize you aren't going to be able to control it, if you can. I did have the experience once of doing an entire jailhouse med pass with tears running uncontrollably down my face. I couldn't do much more than just steel myself to carry on. Inmates were offering me their toilet rolls. It was very touching.

5
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Surgical, quality,management.
6 hours ago, Beatlefan said:

I have encountered some odd people in my 18 years of working as a CNA and nurse. Mostly in the form of coworkers. I have always promised myself that the day this job makes me cry is the day I give my notice.

Really?

I have been nursing for 13 yrs., the last 3 yrs. as a NUM. I have cried this year...at one of my regulars dying, the traumatic way he died and the experience it had on my team.

Last year...when a pt hung on for a week after we ceased her TPN and IV fluids that she was dependent on. I got to join in her "wake" that was one of the most beautiful experiences I have had the pleasure to be involved in.

A few years ago ... having to put 4 point restraints on a Polish POW who was delirious and attacking people with his walking stick...the look of fear in his eyes was something that will stay with me for a long time.

I am not resigning just yet!

4
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Surgical Specialty Clinic - Ambulatory Care.

I don’t know what nursing was like ‘back in the day’. I do think people are more sensitive now, than in the past. I have had quite a few nurses who have been in the game for 20+ years tell me that things have changed and not for the better. I agree with them. As a BSN prepared nurse that started in 2008, I can tell you that I made it through my 47k program not ever staring an IV. Like we had a computer program we tested out on. That we could only pass meds and do procedures with our teacher who had 8 students and we went to clinicals once a week for 4 hours. She would assign a day with you, which means you only had two days or 8 hours to try to have a patient that was in need of more than just medications and basic bed bath stuff. My final semester where I was working 1 12 hour shift a week was being precepted by a nurse who was already precepting a new grad for the floor. I complained to my school and they told me I would have to find my own preceptor if I did not want the one I was assigned. I didn’t work at the hospital I was assigned to and I wasn’t allowed to use one of my friends at the ER I was working in as a nurse aid. So another 16 weeks not actually learning any nursing skills because the new grad was more important. I think nursing is in terrible death spiral and I don’t blame any nurse of 2 years or less for crying. They paid out their asses and are poorly prepared, then thrown in to an already overloaded system. If nursing wants them to be ‘more professional’ quit screwing them over.

5
Up Vote Up Vote ×

This just seems like a weird topic (and judgmental, too).

I know an EMT that worked a mva with a dead mom and three dead children-- two quite small. Among the carnage was an ejection and decapitation.

Crying? Some of the crew that worked that call needed counseling.

6
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatrics, Wound Care.

I think the OP is talking about one kind of crying and many posters about another kind.

There's a difference when you're crying because you have feelings towards your patients. Death is an emotional process, and humans have a tendency to be empathetic and feel the emotions of those nearby. Watching a family hold the body of their aged patriarch (or newborn, or spouse or any human they loved) is an emotional time. Sure, most of the times nurses are able to steel their emotions and "do their job". Other times, something will pull the heartstrings of a nurse, and tears may happen, a hug even.

Other times, on the other hand, I've watched some new nurses just cry (or even faint) with just learning the job. They had difficulty handling orientation. They cry from the amount of work/charting/whatever. This is stress crying. Many nurses have posted about them. They cry before going to work, after they come home, in the bathroom right before a shift, in the break room during a shift. Generally, negative reactions to stress aren't helpful. They can show up in various unhealthy ways including anger, overeating and depression (as well as crying). People react poorly to stress in different ways, and perhaps we're just more "judgy" with tears because we can see them and say "I'd never do that". Meanwhile, there's plenty of people with other poor reactions to stress, like drinking and being downright cynical.

I think it would be important for people to learn how to deal with stress constructively. Sorry, no suggestions here.

3
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
On 4/24/2019 at 5:17 AM, Jedrnurse said:

I have been in healthcare for a long time (since just out of high school) in one form or another. There's a trend I've noticed with a lot of posts that I'm wondering if it's new, or if I've just happened to miss it over the decades.

So many people post about crying at work, before work, after work, well, you get the picture. Are things really that bad, or are people less "resilient" (to use a recent buzzword)?

"Resilient" is not a recent buzzword; it's been a part of the English language for generations now. But yes, people are less resilient now. There does seem to be more crying (although I'm pretty resilient, and I cried before and after work and sometimes during work when I was a new grad, oh those many decades ago.)

Decades ago when I started, if we had a series of negative interactions with our colleagues, we looked to the common denominator (ourselves) and worked on our own contribution to the negative interaction rather than blaming bullies or mean people. We noticed that when we learned how to conduct ourselves in the work place, there were dramatically fewer negative interactions.

When we started a job, we stuck with it for a year or more and we actually stopped looking for jobs once we started a job. There was a whole lot more interest in paying our bills and being independent than there is now, and a whole lot less insistence that we have our "dream job" right from the start. I kept more than one job that I hated just to have health insurance for myself and my husband, and it didn't kill me or ruin my life. The pendulum has swung far . . . it will swing back.

5
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
15 hours ago, Luchador said:

I have no problem with crying. It's whining that irks me.

And there is definitely more whining now than there was 40 years ago.

2
Up Vote Up Vote ×
27 minutes ago, Ruby Vee said:

And there is definitely more whining now than there was 40 years ago.

yes, I agree.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
32 minutes ago, Ruby Vee said:

"Resilient" is not a recent buzzword; it's been a part of the English language for generations now. But yes, people are less resilient now. There does seem to be more crying (although I'm pretty resilient, and I cried before and after work and sometimes during work when I was a new grad, oh those many decades ago.)

Decades ago when I started, if we had a series of negative interactions with our colleagues, we looked to the common denominator (ourselves) and worked on our own contribution to the negative interaction rather than blaming bullies or mean people. We noticed that when we learned how to conduct ourselves in the work place, there were dramatically fewer negative interactions.

When we started a job, we stuck with it for a year or more and we actually stopped looking for jobs once we started a job. There was a whole lot more interest in paying our bills and being independent than there is now, and a whole lot less insistence that we have our "dream job" right from the start. I kept more than one job that I hated just to have health insurance for myself and my husband, and it didn't kill me or ruin my life. The pendulum has swung far . . . it will swing back.

I hear ya.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Community health.

My husband and I laugh about how well-suited we are for our respective jobs. He’s a lawyer. Crying in that field would be... frowned-upon, to put it lightly. I’m a nurse, and honestly, my coworkers and I have been known to tear up at texted photos of our colleague’s new baby. I don’t cry in front of my patients (I’m in Community health so I don’t deal with death), nor do I start crying when somebody is mad at me. But just in general? Count me in for a good cry.

2
Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment