Cry me a river...?

[Jedrnurse]

I have been in healthcare for a long time (since just out of high school) in one form or another. There's a trend I've noticed with a lot of posts that I'm wondering if it's new, or if I've just happened to miss it over the decades.

So many people post about crying at work, before work, after work, well, you get the picture. Are things really that bad, or are people less "resilient" (to use a recent buzzword)?

[buttercup9, ASN, BSN, MSN]

I have cried a few times in my career, all but one have been in response to a death, the other was when an MD doing a paracentesis took off a significant amount of fluid, wrote a written order for albumin and the went off to do another procedure down the hall. Neither I, the unit pharmacist, charge RN and multiple other nurses nor the RN that assisted him with procedures could read it. When he found out the albumin hadn't been given (both the pharmacist and I left him a message to clarify the order) he called my phone. I answered while pushing a med (in the room next to where the para had been done and she had watched the pharmacist and I struggle with reading the order). He screamed so loud at me that the patient heard every word he said. He said that both the pharmacist and I must be idiots, questioned how we ever got through school and if we were even literate at all. It was a long time ago and I forget the rest. I know my eyes welled up, and then the patients indignation on my behalf made the tears come. I got out of the room and sat in the bathroom for a while. I was still a relatively new RN at the time and as this was so unexpected, I was unable to control my emotions.

I didn't advertise it ( I was also ashamed and embarrassed) and stayed in the BR until I could collect myself.

I do tend to be a crier, but not just to negative things. Sometimes it is just an overload of emotion and it just has to come out. I was just driving and listening to Beethoven's 9th symphony.... cried a bit while laughing at myself. I think of it like sneezing.

However, I have never come across the type of crying that the OP and others are talking about.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

8 hours ago, JKL33 said:

OTOH, crying can also be a bit of a problem compared to other reactions because people tend to be sympathetic to it, if you think about it.

Let's say a preceptor counsels an orientee that (for example), "Next time, we need to check _____ before [giving that med/doing that thing]."

If you are someone who doesn't like hearing that you have done something wrong, and you feel angry and start ranting about what a witch your preceptor is because of this thing s/he said - people very well may see that you're the one with the problem.

If your reaction is waterworks and walking around barely able to collect yourself because of "things [your] preceptor is saying," (or even if you just say, "my preceptor just talked to me about....") you're quite likely to garner at least some degree of sympathy even though what you did was 100% wrong - with people assuming that something mean must have been said merely by the fact that you are crying (since a large number of people generally do not cry upon hearing something like that).

That's the way it goes, if you review life experiences:

Two people have an interaction and one of them ends up ranting >> people look askance at the ranter and tend to distance themselves a little.

Two people have an interaction and one of them ends up crying >> One of them "made" the other cry and people line up to hear of the drama of what evil unfair thing must've been said to cause this.

If you are someone who doesn't like hearing what you have done wrong and cannot respond positively to feedback, you are someone who probably should not be in nursing.

However, I've noticed an increase in orients turning on the waterworks and walking around badmouthing the preceptor who, everyone assumes, must have done something terrible to elicit that reaction. Sadly, many of them cast shade on the preceptor purposely, even threatening loudly and publicly to "report them" for their offenses. This works, and often gets good preceptors into bad trouble. An angry rant wouldn't have the same effect at all.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

There has always been crying in nursing, but we usually managed to keep it private rather than displaying it to all in sundry and complaining about bullies when we do it. It's the allegation that someone did something horrendous to us to make us cry -- when we really just have poor control over our anxiety or emotions -- is what tees me off.

[emmjayy, BSN, RN]

I've cried at work once because I was exhausted (no sleep), overwhelmed from my home life, feeling burned out, had an extremely confused patient who did not speak English and just would not stop trying to fall out of bed/stooling everywhere, and the charge nurse popped her head in while I was cleaning the patient up for the umpteenth time and said "YOU'RE GETTING AN ADMISSION!" I went in the bathroom and sobbed! Then I went out and got my room ready and took some calming breaths before powering through the admission and the rest of the shift. I don't see crying at work as professional, but I try not to be judgey about co-workers crying because you literally never know what caused the breakdown. Nurses are stretched really thin a lot of the time by management and if you're having a crappy time at home for whatever reason, being in a very stressful work environment can easily lead to some tears.

[nsue]

I personally try to never cry in public or even in front of my family. I have only cried 1 time at work when a manager was out of line. I think there are people who are more sensitive than others, there are also people who have other things going on outside of work and are trying to just get by every day the best they can. I also think there are nurses who really don't give a damn, have no empathy, or a stronger personality. So I say lets not judge others, we don't walk in their shoes!

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

On 4/24/2019 at 7:39 AM, Jedrnurse said:

Possible, but I'm not sure that crying at work inspires confidence in a professional's reputation.

Any tears I cried were over personal attacks at work and my own personal issues, but I damn sure never cried at work. I wouldn't give anyone that satisfaction! That said, extreme anxiety was an even bigger problem as a new nurse.

For those struggling with tears, depression or anxiety; I implore they seek relief through counseling, being open to antidepressant medication and considering if a job change is in order! Don't waste months or years of your life sad, depressed or anxious. You can't get that time back. It is precious and while life can be a struggle, there are so many things that are still beautiful and wonderful in this world. Focus on all the positive relationships and experiences that make life worth living. Consider opening your home and life to a pet if you can, they bring lots of joy. Travel, plan trips both near and far while you are young. Make a bucket list of all the things you want to do and places you want to see and starting checking off that list. Look forward to your hopes and dreams and work to make them happen.

[KalipsoRed21, BSN, RN]

I’ve read a lot of the responses here. So the general feeling seems to be one of frustration toward generationally younger nurses who are stress crying at work. However, while I truly understand the frustration of working with someone who can’t handle their load, have you ever asked them what their experience has been with nursing?
Honestly If they have graduated in the last decade I would bet their preparation for their job was VERY substandard compared to what a nurse 15-20+ years ago got prior to starting as a nurse. There is just to much liability and schools are concentrating on book education instead of practical education...especially in BSN prepared nursing. So you have the juxtaposition of being guided by schools that a BSN is the ‘standard’ as far an initial degree in nursing goes, but in actuality ADNs are getting better hands on education but can’t get hired because of this whole nonsense about preferring BSN prepared nurses. I’m glad I have a BSN, yes I do believe the extra theory is helpful and makes me a better nurse now...11 years later, but initially it just put me behind the 8 ball because I had next to no skill ability to start with.

Furthermore I have been put in a situation several times in my career that is just blatantly poor planning on the hospital’s part. A short example would be me starting the ER after 2 years of telemetry. I did the 12 week orientation for the ER. I never had to intubate anyone while working tele, didn’t have to intubate anyone while doing my 12 week orientation because the ER I was working at was a small community hospital with 14 beds. I had repeatedly let my boss and my preceptor know that I had not ever done this task. And they were like “Well you’ll just be passing drugs and the doctor will give you the orders so you’ll be fine.” But when the day came the MD is yelling “go ahead and administer etomidate and succs” and it had been 4 months since I had reviewed these medications....hadn’t had to use them EVER in my career...why would I just suddenly know what doses and what order to administer these medications in? I get the expectation. I had worked tele and had done quite a few arrhythmia codes. So someone yelling at me to “give amiodarone” I could easily yell out “hanging 150mg bolus Amiodarone now” for a V-tach patient. Then give a quick pause to make sure the doctor had no changes that he wanted in the dose. But the stupid thing is that I shouldn’t be the one yelling out doses just because I knew them and had done it. I should be getting yelled the dose when I’m ordered to administer it. And honestly my first V-tach code on the tele floor I was told to administer amiodarone (no dose given) but my preceptor was there and she says “ here’s the vial” and I said “the whole thing?” and she said “yes” and I drew up the whole vial and pushed it. My preceptor then goes “oh you should have put it in this bag and let it drip in over 10 min.” Really? Why do any of us have the stupid expectation that someone with little to no experience is going to remember these things when actions have to be done rapidly without the guidance of an experienced individual to assist them the first 2-3 times they have to do it? Such a damn retarded thing to do to people we want to stay in the field.

I’ve had about 6-7 different positions in my 11 years as a nurse. Something like the scenarios above have happened to me in every single position I’ve had. The latest being 2 years ago when I started home health and they wanted me to go out and educate and change an ostomy bag for a new colonostomy patient. The difference being that it wasn’t an emergency like the situations I described above and so I was able to tell them I wasn’t going to do it unless another nurse with experience with ostomies went with me. (Yep, in 9 years of nursing I had never seen or had to do anything with an ostomy because I never had a patient with one.)

So here’s how I see it. Our field takes nice caring people who want to help and sends them through school which promises to prepare them; but it doesn’t, then they get hired at hospitals where they get promises to be safety guided until they have experience; but they don’t, then we work with nurses who say they are there to help us, but then call us cry babies and can’t understand why we would be stress crying on the floor. Then when that nice, caring new nurse finally has it and stands up for herself she is told by other nurses and management that she is being unreasonable. And we wonder why we can’t keep nurses at the bedside or in the profession? Is it really that hard to see how abusive this career is?