Crabs In The Barrel

Has a friend, acquaintance, or close family member ever insulted your plans to pursue nursing as a career when you fully expected this person to support your dreams? The purpose of this article is to discuss the crab mentality, also known as the crabs-in-a-barrel mindset.

Crabs In The Barrel

Anyone who lives in a city where fresh seafood is sold has probably observed that crabs are kept in open barrels. There is no need to keep a lid on the barrel because, as one crab approaches the top, the other crabs will latch onto it and pull it back to the bottom. Thus, all of the crabs meet the same fate.

If we place one single crab in the barrel, it will eventually reach the top, leverage itself out of the container, and find its way to freedom because nothing is holding it back. The lone crab usually escapes, but none ever get away if multiple crabs are in the barrel. Crab mentality is also a metaphor for the human response to self-improvement in others (Porteous, 2010). In other words, when someone is striving to get ahead, take a different path, or improve his/her situation, sometimes others latch on and attempt to hold the person back. These 'crabs' can be anyone in our lives, including longtime friends, neighbors, coworkers, acquaintances, and even close family members such as spouses or parents.

The mentality can be captured with the phrase, "If I cannot have it, neither will you."

Many students experience confusion and mental anguish when the people in their immediate environment do not support their goals. We expect backing from the people who are supposed to care about our futures, but instead we contend with their hurtful comments, mocking questions, and sometimes outright withdrawal of support.

"Nursing school is really hard."

"I don't think you can do it."

"Do you really want to be a butt-wiper for the rest of your life?"

"I will refuse to babysit your kids if you go to nursing school."

"I will not cosign for any student loans if you go through with this!"

Why do people engage in the crab mentality?

Some individuals adopt the crab mentality to thwart the efforts of somebody who desires to succeed in life, because our society is conditioned to believe that another person's success lessens the impact of their own achievements. These 'crabby' individuals often have underlying issues with insecurity, jealousy, or low self-esteem, which leads to their shortsighted attempts to hinder another person's upward mobility. Those who get most bent out of shape about the success of others typically struggle with inner questions about their competence and suffer feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth when others press on to their higher calling (Good, 2009).

If someone in your life has the crab mentality, there are actions you can take to keep your plans from being sabotaged. As a start, do not discuss issues related to school with these people. Sharing your dreams with one who has another agenda or may not have your best interest at heart can be disastrous (Good, 2009).

In addition, you might have to make the painful decision to minimize contact with these people. If we make the conscious choice to improve ourselves, we may also have to make choices about the people with whom we associate (Porteous, 2010).

Good luck to you, and keep climbing to the top of that barrel. Do not allow the naysayers to rent valuable space inside your head.

work-cited.txt

Up Vote Up Vote ×
TheCommuter

About TheCommuter, BSN, RN

TheCommuter, BSN, RN, CRRN is a longtime physical rehabilitation nurse who has varied experiences upon which to draw for her articles. She was an LPN/LVN for more than four years prior to becoming a Registered Nurse.

102 Articles   27,612 Posts

Share this post

Share on other sites
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

I like That! Crabs in a barrel. Interesting. Another great article!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in retired LTC.

I like the idea of crabs-in-a barrel mentality. Goes to explain a lot of the sabotage effort that occurs in many other different endeavors in which one expects support but is unpleasantly disappointed when it fails to materialize.

I sometimes wonder if it occurs mostly as a serious sense of jealousy, as in "I don't wish you less, I just wish me more too" (or instead of you). I see this in an example like in coming into an inheritance or other monies/windfalls. Rather than just rejoicing for the recipient, it's a downer with a "why not me too" attitude. I've seen it in serious weight loss efforts when subltle sabotage was perpetrated by those who were outwardly positive, but were the silent saboteurs. Again, an attitude of "nice for you", but "if I can't, you won't either". Like a sense of entitlement unfulfilled.

I wonder if that's where the term CRABBY may have originated. Why can't we all just be supportive??

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Trauma.

The "crab mentality" fits so many of life's situations. It can also happen among nursing students. I have been warned by several nurse friends that students that are not doing well or those that love drama want to drag everyone down with them. STAY AWAY!!

This mentality has become most prevalent in today's political climate. We are constantly bombarded with the message that the person that mortgaged their home, went into debt up to their eyeballs, had many setbacks in the beginning, took 100% of the risks, but eventually became successful is someone to be vilified rather than admired for what they were able to accomplish. It is the, "How dare you have more than me" attitude. I have noticed those that rail against the "rich" the most are those that have put forth the least amount of effort, such as college students that have not begun to live their lives yet, or those on government assistance.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ED, ICU, MS/MT, PCU, CM, House Sup, Frontline mgr.

OP: Although I agree with the basic premise of this article and the recommendations, I disagree with one of your examples of a crab-in-a-barrel. Did you mean that someone will say “I will not co-sign for a loan” does so to hurt the feelings of the target as oppose to stating it because he/she is honestly concerned that he/she will he asked to cosign a loan? If so, I disagree that a person who refuses to co-sign on a loan is jealous and hateful.

No one should take on the financial risk of another for any reason (to include parents of adult children and siblings of adults). If a bank that has billions to loan does not wish to loan a person money without a co-signer it is because that person has no assets and a track record that repeats that he/she has no way of paying the loan back. In fact, a co-signer’s credit is affected as soon as he/she co-signed on the loan. If the loan goes into default, the banks do not waste their time going after the primary signer of the loan. Rather the banks will go after the co-signer and his/her assets to cover the repayment, fines, fees, and interest on the loan.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ED, ICU, MS/MT, PCU, CM, House Sup, Frontline mgr.
It is the, "How dare you have more than me" attitude. I have noticed those that rail against the "rich" the most are those that have put forth the least amount of effort, such as college students that have not begun to live their lives yet, or those on government assistance.

Is this personally happened to you? Are people on welfare/government assistance hating you for being a financial success after incurring debt (taking money out of your home and other assets) to invest? Or is this something you are hearing happening to others from others who may or may not have a poilitical agenda?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Trauma.
Is this personally happened to you? Are people on welfare/government assistance hating you for being a financial success after incurring debt (taking money out of your home and other assets) to invest? Or is this something you are hearing happening to others from others who may or may not have a poilitical agenda?

I took out a second mortgage on my home, cashed out my 401K, and took 100% of the risk to start an HVAC business in 1997. After almost 3 years of robbing Peter to pay Paul, paying many of my bills late, my business finally started turning a profit. Starting my 5th year in business I began making over $250K. For the first 4 years my family didn't even get to go on vacation. My business was an LLC so I filed my taxes as an individual rather than a corporation. I did this so any money I spent on something that was not business related, house payment, food, etc., would not be double taxed. When I hear people talk about the rich as if they are criminals it ticks me off. It is easier to degrade rather than do what it takes to become successful.

Many people with no business sense have no idea what it takes to actually make a business successful. They just see someone driving a nice car, or living in a nice home, and are jealous of that person.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I feel like I desperately needed this talk! I will share with my husband who has one too many crabs in his family while he tries to go to school too. Thanks for this!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, Med-Surge, Ortho.

Wow, you spoke the truth. I have recently lost about 45 pounds and i have been exercising and changing the way I eat. Anyway, i have a close friend that have not said congratulations one time and it is really disappointing because other people that have not known me as long as she, have been so supportive and encourage me to keep up the good work. I thank God because it is not easy but i am determined to reach my goal and make it a permanent lifestyle change. Everybody will not be happy about your success whether it is family or friends.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I've heard this before, and it is so true, for many situations in life - work, school, improving oneself (as in getting in shape) etc. I don't think altruisim, and wishing others success (when we're not doing so well), are common human traits - to the contrary, they're rare.

Everyone is looking out for #1. Well, the majority anyway.

We all need to just stay away from negative people, ignore their nasty comments or silence when good things happen to us, and try to remember why they react the way they do... of course, this is harder when it involves your own family or so-called close friends.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I took out a second mortgage on my home, cashed out my 401K, and took 100% of the risk to start an HVAC business in 1997. After almost 3 years of robbing Peter to pay Paul, paying many of my bills late, my business finally started turning a profit. Starting my 5th year in business I began making over $250K. For the first 4 years my family didn't even get to go on vacation. My business was an LLC so I filed my taxes as an individual rather than a corporation. I did this so any money I spent on something that was not business related, house payment, food, etc., would not be double taxed. When I hear people talk about the rich as if they are criminals it ticks me off. It is easier to degrade rather than do what it takes to become successful.

Many people with no business sense have no idea what it takes to actually make a business successful. They just see someone driving a nice car, or living in a nice home, and are jealous of that person.

And now your a beginning nursing student, taking prerequisites? Will you continue to run your business while you're in school for the next few years? And while you're practicing as a nurse?

It's nice that you had home equity and a 401k to "rob." That equity was undoubtedly a product of your risk-taking prowess. I doubt that anyone begrudges you of your current success. Do you perceive they do?

But you've missed the point of the original post. During the time you were building your business, from conception to profitability, where there people pooh-poohing your plans, or trying to sabotage you? People close to you?

I realize you're trying to put a political spin on the subject. Take Mitt Romney for instance. Do people criticize him for his wealth? For fetishising his wealth? Of for paying taxes at the same rate that someone in a low income bracket would pay? I disagree with your perception. Americans lionize wealthy, probably because of the common fantasy of universal upward mobility. There is the issue of fairness, though. Your fantasies of jealously from people who don't know you are overblown.

However, that has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Trauma.
And now your a beginning nursing student, taking prerequisites? Will you continue to run your business while you're in school for the next few years? And while you're practicing as a nurse?

It's nice that you had home equity and a 401k to "rob." That equity was undoubtedly a product of your risk-taking prowess. I doubt that anyone begrudges you of your current success. Do you perceive they do?

But you've missed the point of the original post. During the time you were building your business, from conception to profitability, where there people pooh-poohing your plans, or trying to sabotage you? People close to you?

I realize you're trying to put a political spin on the subject. Take Mitt Romney for instance. Do people criticize him for his wealth? For fetishising his wealth? Of for paying taxes at the same rate that someone in a low income bracket would pay? I disagree with your perception. Americans lionize wealthy, probably because of the common fantasy of universal upward mobility. There is the issue of fairness, though. Your fantasies of jealously from people who don't know you are overblown.

However, that has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

When my Reserve unit was sent overseas I had nobody to run my business while I was gone. A customer service based business does not last if it has to be shut down for a year. I was not willing to go through the rough times all over again to restart it.

Were people pooh-poohing my efforts while I was building my business? You dang straight there were. I bet I heard 1000 times, "Why don't you just give this up and go to work for a local company?" I got this from parents, friends, and my wife at the time. Did people I have known for years make snide remarks about me thinking I am better than they are because they "get a check" or are on food stamps? You bet they did.

People treat wealthy people differently depending on how they became that way. If they are a celebrity or athlete they idolize them and think they are the greatest thing since sliced bread. If they worked their butt off to build a company that employs people then they must be the devil.

No matter what you do to improve yourself there will always be "crabs" that would like nothing better than to drag you down. It does not matter if it is getting an education, losing weight, or becoming successful financially. I suggest nobody depend on what others think of them. You need to live your life for yourself.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment