Can I have advice please as for what to say to some of my coworkers who do this?
They will tell my patients that I'm "not very smart and it's scary I'm a nurse" for example. I have felt it damage the rapport with a few patients they said this to in front of me.
I wonder what I've done for them to do this (them is really just 3 people but it feels like a lot more you know what I mean? It feels like everyone else will follow them) I think maybe I ask for it in a way because I have a habit to make jokes at my expense and laugh at myself.
But whatever the reason I don't feel it's right especially not in front of my patients who need to feel that they can trust me.
I am a competant nurse. I have not made any mistakes, I ask questions when I'm not sure of something and I do resrearch when I need to. I've never been in trouble for doing something wrong as a nurse. I am a new nurse though so I'm always learning yet.
What can I say to stop this? I've said in the past "I've graduated top of my class I'm not stupid" but it continues.
Maybe my response sounds arrogant. Can anyone suggest something else?
Thank you.
Edit
The people who do this are a nurse, an aid, and a secretary. I know I sound sensitive but it does effect my day and like I said my patients' trust when I'm called stupid or dumb and especially the last comment telling my patient that it's scary I'm a nurse, had really bothered me. The context this was said in was I asked a student if she was a student nurse. She wore no badge and her lab coat did have the school enblem but on a shoulder that wasn't facing me. I was ambulating my new post op patient in the hall. The aid said "she's not too smart it's scary she's a nurse". There's been countless other instances similar where I don't feel it's deserved, I mean that I didn't do any mistake or something to deserve to be called names.
Cripes! Do you work in an elementary school yard or something?
You'll have to take the advice given and take care of this. If you tell them to stop and they don't then it's time to go to management. If managment doesn't do anything, then it's time to go to HR or find a work place that respects you.
Specializes in Cardiology, School Nursing, General.
This is not normal workplace banter, and it is not OK.
You need to be writing down names, dates and times, and verbatim quotes. If this continues I would approach either your manager or HR with copies of such.
Yes. This is not normal.
I'll tell you a story:
When I was barely a CMA out of school, I was desperate for a job. I went searching until I found this job in Cardiology. I was excited and they wanted to hire me, but the first thing the OM said that should of been a red flag to me was: "We have a weird sense of humor here, and if you can't deal with it, then this is not the job for you." Wanting to show I can do it here, I agreed and dealt with the worst job ever. (And I worked at Walmart for years) Their sense of humor was basically what these nurses are doing, picking on people, taunting, demeaning in front of patients. The sad thing that this was a small private office, so the only HR was the OM, and she loved to play favorites. I stayed a whole year and had enough. I would like to say I quit but I was actually fired, and it just seems that they were just finding something to do it for. I left, was a bit traumatized by the experience but came back strong. Found a good stable job and I been here for 3 years.
But to your story, I would say yes, go to HR, names, dates, as the top post said. If nothing is fixed and things get worse, I would leave and run. Any job that thinks this type of behavior is okay, is messed up to think this.
I am a competant nurse. I have not made any mistakes, I ask questions when I'm not sure of something and I do resrearch when I need to.
All new nurses make mistakes. For that matter, all experienced nurses make mistakes, just less often than those just out of the gate. Don't forget that.
The behavior you are describing is absolutely unacceptable. I would say something along the lines of "Enough. This is unacceptable." And start writing it up. If nothing else, you can leave that place with your self respect intact.
Specializes in Medical-Surgical/Float Pool/Stepdown.
I know many are saying go to management or HR but in my similar experience (as a new nurse), I was not believed or even entertained by my manager and since she did not keep my struggles in confidence, I was just treated even worse by the peers making my first year of nursing even harder.
So what I learned to do was address the stupidity as soon as appropriate, like say as we were walking out of a patient's room after bedside report, and calmly say something to the effect "comments like 'Blah Blah Blah' really make us both appear incompetent" and then either continue on with the next report or moving on to the next nurse and leaving the topic at that.
I think that it not only caught the aggressor off guard (which in some weird way helped them to develop some respect for me) but also embarrassed themselves once they realized that yeah, they look just as stupid or even more so, trying to paint others as incompetent.
The biggest take away though is to learn from how you have been treated and to never let yourself fall down that rabbit hole. As a nurse, you will one day be a leader and a teacher to your peers. Learn from others what mistakes to avoid!
Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
Thank you for all the advice, and this above was very helpful as well.
The name calling has been bothering me. I questiondd myself a lot, if maybe I really was acting in a way that made me look stupid. I plan to say this "this kind of behavior, even though you see it as just joking, isn't appropriate to say to or in front of patients because there may be ramifications".
It doesn't matter if you're the stupidest person they ever met. It doesn't matter if you show up with a dunce hat on your head. It is not okay to trash you to patients. Not even jokingly.
"I don't appreciate being called stupid in front of patients. I don't trust that they all know that you're joking. I don't even care if you are joking. It's over. I'm ready to start taking action if it continues."
I have a few RNs that I work with that I think very highly of - and they'll ask me to help them out in a patient room, and we will banter like this! Harmless, fun, joking banter. Of course, these guys are my friends, the patients absolutely 100% know we are joking and 99% of the time joke right along with us.
I have a few RNs that I work with that I think very highly of - and they'll ask me to help them out in a patient room, and we will banter like this! Harmless, fun, joking banter. Of course, these guys are my friends, the patients absolutely 100% know we are joking and 99% of the time joke right along with us.
This does not sound like collegial banter.
OP- Tell them that this will stop. If they don't get the message easily, explain to them that this will stop, and the only question is how. It should be up to them whether they do the responsible thing and simply stop, or or whether HR or supervisors get involved. But, leave no ambiguity that it will stop.
If you do run it up the chain, be prepared with specifics. Do not include anything that is open to interpretation. Ideally, times, dates, and quotes. Your thoughts on why it happens, their intentions, how it makes you feel, etc... are all subjective, and should be left out. Strictly objective facts.
Actually, ideally, once they realize that you are taking control of the situation, they will simply stop.
I have a few RNs that I work with that I think very highly of - and they'll ask me to help them out in a patient room, and we will banter like this! Harmless, fun, joking banter. Of course, these guys are my friends, the patients absolutely 100% know we are joking and 99% of the time joke right along with us.
In the OP's case, it isn't harmless fun. Quite harmFUL, actually.
I think this should all make us think how we present ourselves on the floor, to our peers and patients. What we might think is harmless could be interpreted far differently. I have one coworker who banters with both coworkers and patients but... it can be inappropriate and almost threatening at times. It's how he presents it, both in mannerism and delivery.
It took several of us speaking with him until he realized that it wasn't just one or two of us "not being able to take a joke." It then took the NM speaking with him that he truly realized how rude and almost hostile he truly sounded.
And this was a guy who wasn't actually trying to be an orifice.
OP - you've received sound advice. I'm usually not one to go "bully" but sadly ... you've found them .
I have a few RNs that I work with that I think very highly of - and they'll ask me to help them out in a patient room, and we will banter like this! Harmless, fun, joking banter. Of course, these guys are my friends, the patients absolutely 100% know we are joking and 99% of the time joke right along with us.
The OP doesn't share your feelings about these kinds of interactions. And she doesn't believe that the statements are affectionate joking coming from people who are her friends.
Talk to each of them privately (preferably right before the shift begins) and ask them not to do it-explain to them that even if they find it funny it makes you uncomfortable.
Ask them to talk to you privately if they have any actual concerns about how you do your nursing care. You could even make it about the patient...we need our patients to have confidence in their caregiving team....etc. and talking about me or anyone else like that in front of them does not help the look of the overall team...
If it continues, take it up your chain of command. Hopefully you have a manager that is respectful and professional enough to deal with the issue appropriately if you don't feel strong enough to do so.
But whatever you do-don't let their "sense of humor" or whatever it is.... get into your head and make you doubt yourself or lose confidence. They should not be doing what they are doing. They are responsible for their own actions and words. Their actions reflect poorly on them and what they are focused on while they are at work, rather than professional and appropriate patient care.
Focus on the patient-don't lose sight of that. :) All the best!
When someone says something like this to me, I usually say, "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that...could you repeat it". Being forced to repeat such a spiteful comment usually leaves them feeling really embarrassed. If they have the gall to repeat it, then it clearly wasn't meant as a joke, in which case you can confront it there and then because they will be repeating it directly to your face and not as an off-the-cuff comment.
If you claim not to have heard it then from their perspective you didn't hear it, and they lose. If you ask them to repeat, and they do - then you need to be willing to stand your ground and usually I would say something like, "how spiteful of you", then just go silent and leave the discomfort with them.
I *definitely* would be documenting all this, noting word-for-word what is said. Once you have enough evidence, head to HR. If you don't feel it will be heard, try upper management. Whatever you do, do not suffer in silence. This type of behavior is the exact reason work-place bullies get away with their crap.
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Accolay
345 Posts
Cripes! Do you work in an elementary school yard or something?
You'll have to take the advice given and take care of this. If you tell them to stop and they don't then it's time to go to management. If managment doesn't do anything, then it's time to go to HR or find a work place that respects you.