Dear Complete and Total Strangers To Whom I Know Not Why I Open My Heart,
I was one of those kids with a terminally big heart, who endured a childhood in a broken home. Right when I was about to graduate high school, my parents finally split up, after years of physically and mentally abusing one another. This split threw me into the lurch more than it should have, as I was suffering from depression and bipolar disorder. Everything about my life to that point had been a failure...school, family, friendships. I gave up on myself, dropped out of high school, and ran away.
I had a few minor run ins with the law. Once for attending an animal rights demonstration. Once for hanging out with a boyfriend while he smoked pot. I got a bunch of tattoos. I drank too much, which was my self-medication and self-destruction.
During this time, I also did amazing, formative things. I lived a year in Spain, where I learned to speak fluent Spanish. I traveled all over the United States. I volunteered in various places doing all manner of things.
The misfit stage ended about 6 years ago when God or the stars or my biological clock sounded a jarring wake-up alarm. Since then, I've held the same job and completed 2 years of pre-req education for nursing school. I've maintained a 4.0 the whole time and was the highest ranked applicant to the nursing program at my school.
Now, a flashback. I always wanted to be a nurse. I remember (wow, this makes me cry) pouring over books about midwifery when I was 14, deciding to go to nursing school. I spent hours as a junior volunteer at the hospital. As my family crumbled, its propensity for mental illness took a hold of me. I spun off that course and made many mistakes.
As I cruise through these boards, countless times I see someone state something to the effect of:
There is no room in nursing for anyone who has ever done anything wrong.
This leads me to fear that once I pass the NCLEX and get licensed, I'll never find a job, and once I do I'll be shunned by my coworkers.
However, I wonder how my youthful transgressions would make me less of a nurse. In the core of my heart, I have always wanted to be there for people in the best and worst moments of their life. I have always been a reliable and supportive presence in their lives. I am in my soul, a nurse.
Are there other nursing students out there who are not nuns, ex-military, or otherwise free of sin? I have many friends with similar pasts and stories, who are even further along in NS than I am. It can't just be a local anomaly, right?
My only concern is the tattoos. In the hospital where we do clinicals they can NOT be visable. It might interfere with getting a job. Are they coverable? One girl has to wear a bandage everytime over hers and others have to wear sleeves regardless of the temp (here in the hot humid south). If not, I would start saving for removal or birthmark/tattoo concealer.
Who wants a nurse that has never had the opportunity to learn a few valuable life lessons along the way, right?!? You are obviously a strong person to endure through difficult times and not fall victim to the "system" so any patient will be lucky to have a compassionate person like yourself taking care of them, good luck to you in whichever field you choose!
I think you will become a great Nurse someday, you already assessed yourself and reflected from your life's experiences, no matter what other people will say about your back ground, your history, put it aside. The most important thing is the present, its a gift, that's why it is called the present.
I had very troubled teen years. Not my family's fault. Just me. Hung out with a bad crowd because we did not have the kind of money to keep up with the fancy clothes, etc. that were expected in my town. The bad kids accepted me.
I, like you wanted to be a nurse when I was young. Or a social worker so I could help troubled people. Then in high school I thought I could never do it. Friends were committing suicide and dying in accidents. I ran away when my parents tried to crack down on me. My grades plummeted. I gave up, figured I would marry a steelworker who would support me anyway (LOL- it was the 70's).
I went a little crazy, quit high school. Got a GED. Then all of a sudden I thought, now what? So I took a NA class and excelled in it. I loved it! I got a job at a hospital and started going to night school. I was hooked. Cleaned up my act, became an RN. That was it.
Lots of people lose their focus when they are young. Your path is still there waiting for you to come back to it. I think things that we go through make us stronger and give us a different perspective. Because I was a troubled teen I think I can relate better to troubled kids. Things we go through give us unique strengths and make us who we are.
I hope that nursing isn't just for the perfect because that means I'm already 20k in debt for no reason.
I started late, had my teenage years, went to four high schools in three years before I dropped out of the game of hoop jumping, (as I started living on my own at 15 and working to support myself) had children young, lived through the death of a child (SIDS), and to boot I am a certified Bi-Polar 1.5. (What my therapist lovingly calls somewhere between a one and a two)
After speaking to many different people I have a theory. I believe that those of us blessed enough with life experience and tragedy have the tools to navigate around obstacles that others see and exclaim, "I could never do that!" and it is that very ability that makes us fantastic healers.
p.s. - I also have a tattoo but it's not visible when wearing pants. The thing I worry the most about is being able to fit in with my co-workers once I finish. Oddly it isn't the patients I'm concerned about...
I sounds like I have a somewhat similar life experience to yours, in that I was by no means a "good kid" growing up for similar reasons (and others). As other posters have pointed out, it has been a service to me as an adult, even if I "grew up" at about 3x the normal rate! You are by no means alone. Although I am no longer a student, I am sure at every level throughout nursing you will find those who can relate. Kudos to you for turning your situation around!
p.s. - I also have a tattoo but it's not visible when wearing pants. The thing I worry the most about is being able to fit in with my co-workers once I finish. Oddly it isn't the patients I'm concerned about...
As a Non-trad & a bit of a misfit, I too worry about this. So far in clinicals I do great with the patients, but my fellow students less so. I think a lot of it is me having a chip on my shoulder about being judged to be not good enough. I dropped out the middle of my sophomore year, obtained my GED in what would have been my Jr. year. Was married with 2 children by my 21st birthday. Many of my fellow students came into the nursing program fresh out of high school and I just can't relate to them most of the time. Many of them are great people, but I've just never had the starry eyed innocence that some of them have.
So I just do my best, hope that it's good enough and go on with what I need to do. You'll get there too
Hey Kate, If any one of us was perfect we would walk on water. Before you gp any further speak to a counselor at school and find out if anything in your past would prevent you from sitting the NCLEX and getting licensed. If not, then I say go for it. You will find you rniche in the nursing world. I graduated from nursing school at the age of 45.I was not the oldest student in my class either. It is never too late.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Hi, Kate! I've been on vacation and just saw this a few minutes ago. All I can say is, you are a kindred spirit and I know there is a special place in nursing that is just for you. God bless you, and the best of luck to you in nursing school and life in general. :redbeathe
I applaud your turn around and tenacity to overcome your hardships. And getting a 4.0 in your prereqs shows that you are determined. I just want to warn you to check VERY closely with your state's nursing board - each differs broadly on what requirements persons with mental health diagnoses require. Here in TX, there are restrictions and stipulations put on nurses in recovery and with MDD, it's pretty rough. Nursing school is hard to finish and then not get a license at the end of it. Be careful, I have seen it happen.
I started college at eighteen simply because i felt an obligation to, my grades soon displayed my lack of interest. After an attempt at becoming a pilot and later an English teacher I knew i was with out any real drive or direction. I eventually gave up on school altogether to chase a music career which later (randomly) led to a crab fishing gig in Alaska. All the while, along the way, i uncovered my passion for making a difference and the science of the amazing machines we all are. I returned to school and this time really felt a passion consume me. My scholastic philosophy had turned for the best and i did very well in those particular classes. After anatomy had concluded, and others were sighing in relief, i applied to be TA and served as anatomical assistant with the cadavers/pro-sections for the two following semesters. To further ensure I was on the right path I began volunteering at my local hospital. The time has come for me to apply to nursing schools however I feel like a wall has been raised by my past. My accumulative GPA is not competitive with most people applying these days. I've put in extra time where possible but now I'm beginning to fear some of my past mistakes will keep me from getting an acceptance letter. It's easy for me to know how driven I feel inside, but realistically... who's gonna buy that off an application? I'm willing to move around or do what ever it takes to be on that road. I just hope to not have to re-do college. On paper, I know it wouldn't seem fair to give me a seat over someone with a 4.0 GPA, however I know I will work as hard as anyone to achieve this. I'm lost. I am going to apply my heart out but if I'm totally rejected I'm not sure where to turn... The counselor doesn't give me much hope... maybe some one else can! Thanks :)
macgirl
154 Posts
My only concern is the tattoos. In the hospital where we do clinicals they can NOT be visable. It might interfere with getting a job. Are they coverable? One girl has to wear a bandage everytime over hers and others have to wear sleeves regardless of the temp (here in the hot humid south). If not, I would start saving for removal or birthmark/tattoo concealer.