Could I be the only reformed misfit in nursing school?

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Dear Complete and Total Strangers To Whom I Know Not Why I Open My Heart,

I was one of those kids with a terminally big heart, who endured a childhood in a broken home. Right when I was about to graduate high school, my parents finally split up, after years of physically and mentally abusing one another. This split threw me into the lurch more than it should have, as I was suffering from depression and bipolar disorder. Everything about my life to that point had been a failure...school, family, friendships. I gave up on myself, dropped out of high school, and ran away.

I had a few minor run ins with the law. Once for attending an animal rights demonstration. Once for hanging out with a boyfriend while he smoked pot. I got a bunch of tattoos. I drank too much, which was my self-medication and self-destruction.

During this time, I also did amazing, formative things. I lived a year in Spain, where I learned to speak fluent Spanish. I traveled all over the United States. I volunteered in various places doing all manner of things.

The misfit stage ended about 6 years ago when God or the stars or my biological clock sounded a jarring wake-up alarm. Since then, I've held the same job and completed 2 years of pre-req education for nursing school. I've maintained a 4.0 the whole time and was the highest ranked applicant to the nursing program at my school.

Now, a flashback. I always wanted to be a nurse. I remember (wow, this makes me cry) pouring over books about midwifery when I was 14, deciding to go to nursing school. I spent hours as a junior volunteer at the hospital. As my family crumbled, its propensity for mental illness took a hold of me. I spun off that course and made many mistakes.

As I cruise through these boards, countless times I see someone state something to the effect of:

There is no room in nursing for anyone who has ever done anything wrong.

This leads me to fear that once I pass the NCLEX and get licensed, I'll never find a job, and once I do I'll be shunned by my coworkers.

However, I wonder how my youthful transgressions would make me less of a nurse. In the core of my heart, I have always wanted to be there for people in the best and worst moments of their life. I have always been a reliable and supportive presence in their lives. I am in my soul, a nurse.

Are there other nursing students out there who are not nuns, ex-military, or otherwise free of sin? I have many friends with similar pasts and stories, who are even further along in NS than I am. It can't just be a local anomaly, right?

Thanks for reading,

Kate

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Oh, honey, you're not alone. Not by a long shot.

Your honesty is refreshing. And your perspective is amazing.

You'll be able to relate to all kinds of patients in a wide variety of circumstances. You'll be approachable without being foolishly naive. God has given you an education in life that is priceless.

You have real ability in the writing department, too, and that will help you in school and beyond.

You may not have run across others here at AN who have divulged their own roller coaster rides, but there are plenty who have stories to tell. Anyone who says they made it well into adulthood without a few detours along the way is either lying or they're bland and boring.

I'm so glad that you were able to get past the loss of your parents' marriage and the break-up of your home. This is especially remarkable in light of your depression and bi-polar disorder. I'm also impressed that you were able to make a comeback after dropping out of school. Even though I don't know you personally, I'm incredibly proud of you and what you've accomplished.

You will make an excellent nurse (and midwife, if you go that route). I can see you in some kind of outreach clinic or some other place where people are afraid they won't be treated right because of their circumstances. They'll be so happy to find you waiting there for them.

Thank you for sharing your story. Please, PM me if you need a boost.

You're just the kind of nurse I would want taking care of me.

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I grew up in a similar situation.

I used to do some pretty bad things.

You know what shaped me up?

When I became a CNA.

At 18 I put myself into a position of responsibility to others and I grew up.

I have been as upright as any saint since, lol.

It, literally, changed my life.

True story.

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By the way, I think having had a harder time in life has really been of service to me in nursing.

I am very good at tuning in to people and there is something in me that drives me to drive others to succeed.

It's hard to explain.

In your post, you sound like you have a heart of gold.

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What a great post! I definitely relate to you. I grew up below the poverty level, shoes had holes in them, clothes never fit quite right, and there was never enough food to eat. My mother was bi-polar/schitzophrenic, father was an abusive alcoholic, and in school I was severly made fun of. Oh, did I mention I walked to school uphill both ways? ha ha, just a little joke there. My twenties were an interesting time for me, lots of life lessons learned, and a handful of experiences I will be taking with me to the grave (not all of them bad). I began to "find my way" at about age 28. I'm 37 now and about to enter nursing school. I'm grounded, focused, and ready for the next chapter in my life-- something responsible and fullfilling. Sounds like you are too. You are definitely not alone and thanks for posting this!

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Specializes in Psychiatry.

Kate,

Your story brought tears to my eyes, thank you so much for sharing!

I too suffer from mental illness, and it sure isn't a walk in the park!

I agree with writer, I too, would want you for my nurse.:redbeathe

Reach for the sky... and keep your eye on the prize.

All the best!!:nurse:

Diane, RN

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Specializes in Infusion.

Nursing is one profession where there are second chances. When you are able to grow and learn from a very difficult past, you can be something really special and an inspiration for others.

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I want to thank all of you for your kind encourage. Nurses like you are one of the main reasons that I am inspired to become a nurse.

I can't erase my past and I probably wouldn't if I could. There is too much good patched in there with the bad. I'm a better student now than I ever would have been when I was young, that's for sure!!

Thank you again for the support!

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You'll be able to relate to all kinds of patients in a wide variety of circumstances. You'll be approachable without being foolishly naive. God has given you an education in life that is priceless.

.

Thank you so much! I got misty when I read your reply because I do and always have want to help people, without exacting any sort of judgment. As a Spanish speaker who lives in an area with a lot of Hispanic immigrants, I feel compelled to work in an area of health care where I will encounter limited-English proficient patients. In my mind, learning Spanish on my own to be one of the God's greatest gifts to me. One that led me to my wonderful husband and my beautiful daughter! :heartbeat

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I grew up in a similar situation..

I have been as upright as any saint since, lol.

It, literally, changed my life.

True story.

I hear you, sister! I don't think many people hoe a straighter row than someone who hoed a crooked one before.

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You are blessed and will be a blessing!

I'm so glad you posted.

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We as humans are all flawed~Nursing attracts a montley crew of people from all kinds of backgrounds and expierences. Im now 35 with four children and no partner and i start NS in Jan 2012, we all have battles~Good Luck to you and all of us trying to make a difference~

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