Dear Complete and Total Strangers To Whom I Know Not Why I Open My Heart,
I was one of those kids with a terminally big heart, who endured a childhood in a broken home. Right when I was about to graduate high school, my parents finally split up, after years of physically and mentally abusing one another. This split threw me into the lurch more than it should have, as I was suffering from depression and bipolar disorder. Everything about my life to that point had been a failure...school, family, friendships. I gave up on myself, dropped out of high school, and ran away.
I had a few minor run ins with the law. Once for attending an animal rights demonstration. Once for hanging out with a boyfriend while he smoked pot. I got a bunch of tattoos. I drank too much, which was my self-medication and self-destruction.
During this time, I also did amazing, formative things. I lived a year in Spain, where I learned to speak fluent Spanish. I traveled all over the United States. I volunteered in various places doing all manner of things.
The misfit stage ended about 6 years ago when God or the stars or my biological clock sounded a jarring wake-up alarm. Since then, I've held the same job and completed 2 years of pre-req education for nursing school. I've maintained a 4.0 the whole time and was the highest ranked applicant to the nursing program at my school.
Now, a flashback. I always wanted to be a nurse. I remember (wow, this makes me cry) pouring over books about midwifery when I was 14, deciding to go to nursing school. I spent hours as a junior volunteer at the hospital. As my family crumbled, its propensity for mental illness took a hold of me. I spun off that course and made many mistakes.
As I cruise through these boards, countless times I see someone state something to the effect of:
There is no room in nursing for anyone who has ever done anything wrong.
This leads me to fear that once I pass the NCLEX and get licensed, I'll never find a job, and once I do I'll be shunned by my coworkers.
However, I wonder how my youthful transgressions would make me less of a nurse. In the core of my heart, I have always wanted to be there for people in the best and worst moments of their life. I have always been a reliable and supportive presence in their lives. I am in my soul, a nurse.
Are there other nursing students out there who are not nuns, ex-military, or otherwise free of sin? I have many friends with similar pasts and stories, who are even further along in NS than I am. It can't just be a local anomaly, right?
If it would make you feel better I could show you my high school transcripts, my counselor notes from high school, and then my rap sheet from the police if that would make you feel better. I took young and dumb and lived it to the fullest.
Much of what you posted about yourself applied to me....30 years ago! I went to nursing school despite the naysayers and have been a critical care nurse for over 25 years. You sound smart and strong and determined to put mistakes behind you and do better. I think you will make a fine nurse and encourage you to pursue your dream. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, is perfect!
As long as you've never been arrested, you should be in the clear. I used to party too much, smoke too much (illegally), drink too much, party too much, I'm an Iraqi vet, with tattoos, a colorful history, yet I dedicated myself to nursing school, cleaned up my act, and am now a nurse.
Girl, you are not alone. My past is extremely rocky. God has a way of taking our ashes and turning them into beauty. He takes the nastiest, ugliest, and most tainted things in our past and uses them to shape us into the people who we are. I think it's actually a blessing that we went through rough times. Personally, it has made me not want to judge others, it has also made me more compassionate to others. And also, I never see any one as a 'lost cause' anymore. I know that if God could shape me up, then he can do it for anyone. I believe these are reasons you will make an amazing nurse. I would love to see more nurses like that!!
I think you are fine for nursing. The only thing is, they do background checks before you get accepted into a nursing program. As long as nothing is on your record and your tats are covered, you should be good. Good luck!
Dear Complete and Total Strangers To Whom I Know Not Why I Open My Heart,
I was one of those kids with a terminally big heart, who endured a childhood in a broken home. Right when I was about to graduate high school, my parents finally split up, after years of physically and mentally abusing one another. This split threw me into the lurch more than it should have, as I was suffering from depression and bipolar disorder. Everything about my life to that point had been a failure...school, family, friendships. I gave up on myself, dropped out of high school, and ran away.
I had a few minor run ins with the law. Once for attending an animal rights demonstration. Once for hanging out with a boyfriend while he smoked pot. I got a bunch of tattoos. I drank too much, which was my self-medication and self-destruction.
During this time, I also did amazing, formative things. I lived a year in Spain, where I learned to speak fluent Spanish. I traveled all over the United States. I volunteered in various places doing all manner of things.
The misfit stage ended about 6 years ago when God or the stars or my biological clock sounded a jarring wake-up alarm. Since then, I've held the same job and completed 2 years of pre-req education for nursing school. I've maintained a 4.0 the whole time and was the highest ranked applicant to the nursing program at my school.
Now, a flashback. I always wanted to be a nurse. I remember (wow, this makes me cry) pouring over books about midwifery when I was 14, deciding to go to nursing school. I spent hours as a junior volunteer at the hospital. As my family crumbled, its propensity for mental illness took a hold of me. I spun off that course and made many mistakes.
As I cruise through these boards, countless times I see someone state something to the effect of:
There is no room in nursing for anyone who has ever done anything wrong.
This leads me to fear that once I pass the NCLEX and get licensed, I'll never find a job, and once I do I'll be shunned by my coworkers.
However, I wonder how my youthful transgressions would make me less of a nurse. In the core of my heart, I have always wanted to be there for people in the best and worst moments of their life. I have always been a reliable and supportive presence in their lives. I am in my soul, a nurse.
Are there other nursing students out there who are not nuns, ex-military, or otherwise free of sin? I have many friends with similar pasts and stories, who are even further along in NS than I am. It can't just be a local anomaly, right?
Thanks for reading,
Kate
Dear Kate,
Your mistakes, and what you experienced in your life is what will make you the best nurse ever! You know not to judge, you have great empathy for others, you know what it is like to be in shoes of adversity. Those are the tools that will make you a great nurse, you will comfort others from knowing what that pain feels like.
Most of all, you will most likely not give up and stop caring for the people you are caring for, for you know that you did not want people to give up on you. If your thinking your past was of a bad one, that could be true, but because you have taken that path of learning from the bad, you have turned that all into good....Good Luck in your future, it seems to be a bright one
I want to thank all of you for your words of encouragement. While I can usually go on and on at length, your kindness leaves me speechless. Hopefully, I can I can get through nursing school, get licensed, and have coworkers like all of YOU on waiting for me on the other side.
That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B
3,421 Posts
If it would make you feel better I could show you my high school transcripts, my counselor notes from high school, and then my rap sheet from the police if that would make you feel better. I took young and dumb and lived it to the fullest.