Dear Complete and Total Strangers To Whom I Know Not Why I Open My Heart,
I was one of those kids with a terminally big heart, who endured a childhood in a broken home. Right when I was about to graduate high school, my parents finally split up, after years of physically and mentally abusing one another. This split threw me into the lurch more than it should have, as I was suffering from depression and bipolar disorder. Everything about my life to that point had been a failure...school, family, friendships. I gave up on myself, dropped out of high school, and ran away.
I had a few minor run ins with the law. Once for attending an animal rights demonstration. Once for hanging out with a boyfriend while he smoked pot. I got a bunch of tattoos. I drank too much, which was my self-medication and self-destruction.
During this time, I also did amazing, formative things. I lived a year in Spain, where I learned to speak fluent Spanish. I traveled all over the United States. I volunteered in various places doing all manner of things.
The misfit stage ended about 6 years ago when God or the stars or my biological clock sounded a jarring wake-up alarm. Since then, I've held the same job and completed 2 years of pre-req education for nursing school. I've maintained a 4.0 the whole time and was the highest ranked applicant to the nursing program at my school.
Now, a flashback. I always wanted to be a nurse. I remember (wow, this makes me cry) pouring over books about midwifery when I was 14, deciding to go to nursing school. I spent hours as a junior volunteer at the hospital. As my family crumbled, its propensity for mental illness took a hold of me. I spun off that course and made many mistakes.
As I cruise through these boards, countless times I see someone state something to the effect of:
There is no room in nursing for anyone who has ever done anything wrong.
This leads me to fear that once I pass the NCLEX and get licensed, I'll never find a job, and once I do I'll be shunned by my coworkers.
However, I wonder how my youthful transgressions would make me less of a nurse. In the core of my heart, I have always wanted to be there for people in the best and worst moments of their life. I have always been a reliable and supportive presence in their lives. I am in my soul, a nurse.
Are there other nursing students out there who are not nuns, ex-military, or otherwise free of sin? I have many friends with similar pasts and stories, who are even further along in NS than I am. It can't just be a local anomaly, right?
I'm 37 now and about to enter nursing school. I'm grounded, focused, and ready for the next chapter in my life-- something responsible and fullfilling. Sounds like you are too. You are definitely not alone and thanks for posting this!
We have a lot in common! I'm 31 now, so here's to reformed 30 year olds nursing students! I hope to see you around here as we begin our nursing education. I wish you all the best!
Your story brought tears to my eyes, thank you so much for sharing!
I too suffer from mental illness, and it sure isn't a walk in the park!
I agree with writer, I too, would want you for my nurse.:redbeathe
Reach for the sky... and keep your eye on the prize.
All the best!!
Diane, RN
Thank you, Diane. I'd be honored to be your nurse! For now, I'll just focus on doing well in school. I bet you can remember the first semester jitters when you started nursing school!
your not alone! and im glad to know im not either! sometimes i feel like all of the people in my class are saints (or claim to be). i may be only 22, but ive had a crap life, and i wouldnt give it up for the world. some of the things ive been through, or have done to myself are what makes me want to be a nurse and help people who are in similar situations. there are so many opportunities to make life better for other people in nursing. its truly awesome. i wish you all the luck!
I agree with what everyone has posted! You will make a great nurse, and shouldn't have a problem finding a job after school. It doesn't seem like you have any real criminal charges. Your way with words/communication, the fact that you seem honest, and that you are able to learn from mistakes would impress any interviewer! Good luck with nursing school! :)
Definitely not alone. I was quite a hell-raiser as a teen, almost failed out of high school due to sheer boredom following 10 years of elite sport resulting in multiple injuries... carried on into my young adult life where I also had a wake up call. Got my act together, got married, had kids, became a midwife and years after that decided to act upon my nursing plan and in December I'll graduate. It's never too late to "get a life"
Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
IMO your experiences will make you a better nurse because you know what it's like to go through stuff and you know the other side. You won't be so quick to judge all your patients and throw them into the box because you will understand that everyone has a story. I went through hell and back growing up and much of my adulthood too and I think that going through all this makes me more tolerant and understanding and empathetic and so on. IT does have some hindrances but for the most part it has been a huge advantage, I guarantee to you my patients can pick up on it as well when they see I truly do care and understand and I am not so quick to assume their motives and so on.
Your story was really remarkable, and could easily be made into a movie. I honestly think personal life experience is what make a good nurse, and the only way to have life experience is to learn it the hard way. You've learned, you've grown, and I think employers would be silly not to recognize that. Good luck, sorry about your past, and hope things keep improving.
You're definitely not alone! While I never had run-ins with the law, your post otherwise reads like my life story. I know you're going to be an excellent, empathetic nurse. Don't ever doubt yourself on this. If your heart says go for it, then go for it and know that you're answering your calling. Best of luck to you!
Six years ago I began working in a local nursing home as a CNA and fell in love with my charge nurse. He was the nicest, most competent nurse in the building. . .and he also happened to be covered in tatoos. His history was a mystery to me until we started dating, and consequently I ended up pregnant pretty early on (we've been together ever since and have been married now for 4 years). I was stunned to find out who he had been before nursing and what kind of trouble he had been in as an adolecsent. He was definitly a trouble maker but what made him an unusual bad kid was the fact that most of the run ins he had with other boys were directed towards mean kids that bullyed others (he felt a need to stand up for people since he was picked on for being poor at a young age. By the time he reached middle school he had already reached puberty and had an established work out routine, thanks to juvi house arrest lol, so 13 yrs old covered in tattoes and with facial hair, he was pretty intimidating). Anyway, his saint of a mother (I love her!) and her lawyer helped get him on a straighter road and as he grew he gained a sense of responsibilty. He was never one for school, dropped out half way through his senior yr b/c they refused to let him him attend comencements since he was MIA from class a little too often, although he had very good grades which is why he didnt feel the need to attend class. He went the way of GED afterwards and while he was doing that, his mom had went back to school for nursing. After skipping out to Florida for a year, and being a mason for a few more he realized he needed something more stable and meaningful in his life, so he went back to school to get his LPN. A few years later I entered the picture. He is now doing the Exelcior thing to finish his RN (he tried full time clinicals but with our 3 kids and me being in school he was only income, he couldnt make the time commitments for the clinicals). He is in an RN position now, a supervisor, at the same facility where we met (although now he finds himself dealing more with staff problems than caring for patients which he doesnt really like so he is going to try to make his way back to the floor). So, now that I am done rambling, lol, I'll get to the point. My hubby was a wreck when he was younger, but I have no doubt that his life experience gave him exactly what he needed to be a great nurse, effective, intelligent, compassionate. He is the go-to man in that building and every one comes to him for help with their problems. Not to mention his incredible charm cuts through so many others' nasty moods, lol. I think your colorful history will serve you well through nursing school, and def think you should proceed and follow that dream. I took a different path in life and I was an honor student who never even had an after school detention, I stayed out of trouble and was more reserved and cautious as a teen. I can meet by hubby's intellegence but something in me doubts that I'll be able to meet his great nursing skills, he def gives me something to work towards lol. Keep hanging in there and I bet you'll be more successful thank you realize, it's all about how much you want this for your life. Good luck, and I hope my story gives you some peace of mind and confidence in your decision.
OP, consider what you have to offer. On a daily basis, your patients will have to encounter difficult odds and have extreme challenges to overcome. You have also overcome odds, and in some way will be able to relate to them. So many people like to judge others who are ill, to discuss how they contributed to their illness (ex- "If that person wasn't so fat, they wouldn't be a cardiac patient" or "That drug abuser has brought this infection on himself") without tempering reality with compassion. We all contribute in some way to a negative pattern in our own lives, and it is our challenge to overcome it. For example, some of us have anger problems, are negative, misuse substances, overeat, etc. The key is how we strive to better ourselves, and to encourage others to do so.
You've learned the damage that can be done by wrong choices, and are now making better ones. Some never manage to change their choices. I myself still struggle mightily with my own flaws. If we say someone has no place in nursing if they have a past, we are eliminating a lot of candidates.
I've learned a lot over the last few years as an educator. When a student enters our program with a criminal background, we contact the board of nursing (with the student's knowledge) to ensure that the background would not prevent licensure. We want the student to know up front whether this will be an issue. I can't say much due to FERPA, but I did have a student in the past with a criminal background, and at first I was judgmental. Over the course of that student's time in school, I probably learned more from the student than the student did from me. The student has fully and truly changed, and I learned NOT to judge based on what a piece of paper says about someone. This person was one of my favorite students of all time; I would gladly let this person by my nurse. The student was respectful, compassionate, and extremely motivated.
I think that as a profession, if we say people can't change and therefore bar them from the pursuit of licensure, we are sending a powerfully negative message to the patients we serve.
Find a way to use your experiences to help others gain the strength to change.
Kudos to the OP for taking such a positive turn in life.
However, I would advise a careful analysis of any potential impact if any of those "youthful indescretions" resulted in legal charges... many BONs are very draconian when it comes to licensure. A quick tour on AN will point out instances in which a new grad is shocked to discover problems with sitting NCLEX due to a long-forgotten minor charge. If this is the case, it may make a difference in where the OP chooses to take boards.
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KatePasa
128 Posts
We have a lot in common! I'm 31 now, so here's to reformed 30 year olds nursing students! I hope to see you around here as we begin our nursing education. I wish you all the best!