i am a regular lurker and a sometimes poster here, but i choose to post this under another account.
i am a single mom, and work and go to school full-time, hence i need child care for my two preschoolers. i started with a in-home daycare as my kids could be together, and at first i liked the teacher/provider. but over the course of about 8 months, more and more things started to bother me.
"K" as i will call her, became more and more distant to my kids at dropoff, keeping me for half hour at a time at dropoff to discuss (what i see) trivial things, such as my daughters non interest in fruit, or her late toilet training, or my son's speech delay. when i suffered from some herniated discs and was getting epidural injections, i became so sick that it induced a lupus flare. i looked, and felt, like hell. out of friendly conversation, i mentioned that i had lupus. after that she began telling me about "someone she knows" who has lupus also, and how the doctors are all evil people who try to kill people with medicine, and don't know what they are doing, ad nauseum. i cut it off rather abruptly, and began seeking alternate care for my kids. there are many things that bothered me, but i won't bore everyone to death here.
the last straw was one morning, i dropped them off, and without a word, she swung open the door to her house to let us in. my son was carrying a keychain that he adores carrying with him in the car when we drive (which she doesn't allow at her house while he's there, that's fine, i usually take it away when i go). the first thing she does is gasps, rolls her eyes at me, and proceeds to yank his little 3 year old body into a sitting position on the floor, yelling at him that he can't have it, and then scolding me for allowing him to have such an inappropriate toy. my son was in tears as she proceeded to try to yank of his jacket. i stopped her, wanting to do some awful things, but calmly told her to take her hands off my son, and then i told her to gather my things that were at her house and informed her they would not be returning. she quickly began apologizing, and tried for ten minutes to convince me to let them stay, then tried to get me to sign a form of hers that said i was happy with her care. i got my kids and my things out of there, with my son still sobbing.
i have asked several colleagues and friends if they consider this abuse, and if it should be reported. what do you think? am i just over-reacting? or did "K" over-step her bounds? thanks to anyone who has read this far, and for any advice anyone can offer.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Umm I meant a job NOT dealing with KIDS. Will you kindly read my FIRST post here as to how I feel about this person and what should be done? (in case not, I said it should be reported and her kids pulled out of the home).
Remember when Forest Gump saw that creep hit Jenny and he tore across the room and started using that guy's face for a punching bag?
I'm afraid there would have been a reinactment of that when I saw her jerking my child around.
Nothing infuriates me more than abuse. Not only should you pull your children out of that idiot's home, you need to report her to the children's protective services, which I must say, don't have a very good track record, but I would do everything I could to make sure she had no more children in her home.
I just finished reading a book about a child who was killed by his abuser and it ruined my whole week. I mean it, I have no mercy for people who abuse children, animals, and people who can't defend themselves.
Good for you for reporting her. I know that's got to be a nerve wracking thing to have to do. I'm still in awe that she did that in front of you! That was extremely bold of her. But in a way it's probably best it happened that way. That interaction alone sounded like it confirmed any "gut feelings" you may have been having regarding her care. You got your child out of there before anything really bad could have happened and possibly saved any other children from going through the same thing or worse.
i am a regular lurker and a sometimes poster here, but i choose to post this under another account.
i am a single mom, and work and go to school full-time, hence i need child care for my two preschoolers. i started with a in-home daycare as my kids could be together, and at first i liked the teacher/provider. but over the course of about 8 months, more and more things started to bother me.
"K" as i will call her, became more and more distant to my kids at dropoff, keeping me for half hour at a time at dropoff to discuss (what i see) trivial things, such as my daughters non interest in fruit, or her late toilet training, or my son's speech delay. when i suffered from some herniated discs and was getting epidural injections, i became so sick that it induced a lupus flare. i looked, and felt, like hell. out of friendly conversation, i mentioned that i had lupus. after that she began telling me about "someone she knows" who has lupus also, and how the doctors are all evil people who try to kill people with medicine, and don't know what they are doing, ad nauseum. i cut it off rather abruptly, and began seeking alternate care for my kids. there are many things that bothered me, but i won't bore everyone to death here.
the last straw was one morning, i dropped them off, and without a word, she swung open the door to her house to let us in. my son was carrying a keychain that he adores carrying with him in the car when we drive (which she doesn't allow at her house while he's there, that's fine, i usually take it away when i go). the first thing she does is gasps, rolls her eyes at me, and proceeds to yank his little 3 year old body into a sitting position on the floor, yelling at him that he can't have it, and then scolding me for allowing him to have such an inappropriate toy. my son was in tears as she proceeded to try to yank of his jacket. i stopped her, wanting to do some awful things, but calmly told her to take her hands off my son, and then i told her to gather my things that were at her house and informed her they would not be returning. she quickly began apologizing, and tried for ten minutes to convince me to let them stay, then tried to get me to sign a form of hers that said i was happy with her care. i got my kids and my things out of there, with my son still sobbing.
i have asked several colleagues and friends if they consider this abuse, and if it should be reported. what do you think? am i just over-reacting? or did "K" over-step her bounds? thanks to anyone who has read this far, and for any advice anyone can offer.
When such behaviors happen in front of you, think about what might be happening when no one is around and watching. I think I would find an alternative day care ASAP, talk to some of the other parents (if you know then) about your concerns. I think I would also talk to an "expert" in this area and see what they have to say. Also, I think I would haev to report her to whoever regulates the home day care situations. If there is nothing amiss, then this provider will take it in stride.
Personally im my mind I cannot help but to think what goes on behind closed doors as soon as you turn your back and leave. If everything you stated is as such, I would definetly consider it abuse in my part. Abuse is not only physical. It is also verbal and emotional. I praise you for walking out that day with your child, it is the best choice you made. Your children are your priority and I am sure you could do much better in terms of finding someone who would be more than qualified to take care of your little angels.
Umm I meant a job NOT dealing with KIDS. Will you kindly read my FIRST post here as to how I feel about this person and what should be done? (in case not, I said it should be reported and her kids pulled out of the home).
OP, how is it going.
SmilingBluEyes: The "Let's see you leave your kids there" was not directed at you!! Sry you took offence!! It was directed at lady_jeezbel. :)
just wanted to let all who gave me advice and support that i was contacted by the division of child day care licensing. seems i wasn't the only one complaining about her. some of the new kids in her care were hit allegedly, and the mothers asked "K" about it. of course, she freaked out like she did with me. the lady that called to talk to me about my complaint had also personally met and interviewed "K". that's when "K" knew she was in trouble, cause all the paperwork had to get handed over so she could call all current and recent former clients of hers.
as of today, i was told that her license is permanently revoked for child abuse, but she is still being investigated for more charges to be brought against her. i am so glad i trusted my instincts and got my children out of there before they really got hurt!
so thanks everyone for listening and giving me great advice!
I was just going to add to the advice column regarding filing a complaint, but it looks like you did. Kudos to you for doing such. :) I work with a child protection worker and everything you stated sent up red flags to me. Our office is also in conjunction with a daycare and behavior as such would not be tolerated! (Yanking any child in any fashion would be grounds for immediate dismissal - yes, this can be considered abuse - mental abuse is not tolerated either!) One thing I have found out with my work at a Social Services office is, even though a provider is licensed does not mean that they will treat your children correctly. Your job as your child's parent is to protect them always and you did - I am so proud of you! It is not uncommon (unfortunately) for some parents to leave their children in a precarious situation because they feel they have no other alternative. Removing your children was a wonderful thing, but reporting her was even better - you became the voice for the children who's parents could not or would not speak for them. I'm sure it took quite a bit of "guts" to do so, but thank you so much for sticking up for all of those innocent little kids! I am always glad when parents make a report, even if they are not sure if it is founded - after all, the state will come and make that determination, but they cannot do an investigation if they are not aware that there may be a problem. Good job!!! :)
First of all, I commend you for immediately removing your children from her home. I was a single Mom, and I know how hard it is to suddenly lose your childcare. In regards to reporting her, I think you should. Think of the next person whose child may be there, and they may not be as perceptive as you were to the problems - and it may be too late when she crosses the line. It sounds like the situation was escalating each time, as is common in abuse. SG
How would you feel if something happened to other children in her care and you
had not reported it?
I think the incident needs to be reported.
June 27 2005
I agree that the incident should be reported.The daycare woman is a professional who is paid to CARE for and nurture your child. Is this behaviour even close to 'care for' or 'nurture'? I think not. I'm glad mom followed her instincts and removed her kids. It is my personal opinion that both the yanking of the chain and coat constitute abuse behaviours. Where is the gentle respect and common courtesy for the young charge (the son)?This child is not chattel to be hauled about. Money can buy better 'care'.
SmilingBluEyes
20,964 Posts
Umm I meant a job NOT dealing with KIDS. Will you kindly read my FIRST post here as to how I feel about this person and what should be done? (in case not, I said it should be reported and her kids pulled out of the home).
OP, how is it going.