Called into the office, told I'm a slob.

caliotter3 · May 9, 2010

dances, stained and dirty clothing is inappropriate and unacceptable, not eccentric.

Can't imagine how you expect to succeed as a NP when you describe yourself as eccentric instead of unacceptable for a professional. To get the part, sometimes you have to look, as well as act the part.

leslie :-D · May 9, 2010

dws, we older nurses know what it's like to be 35...and 25...15, etc.:)

i would strongly encourage you to work on your self-esteem, and create a unique you!

to try and depict an image of someone you are not, only serves to discredit and disrespect yourself.

at 35, i was never the stuffy shirt type.

but in business, i knew how to reflect my style w/o being inappropriate.

your employers have already stated that you are mgmt, and need to project this image accordingly

i am certain you can find attire that you like, but more along the traditional, classic lines.

truly learn to embrace yourself.

all else will fall into place.

leslie

allnurses Guide · May 9, 2010

Ever watch the show What Not To Wear??? It is a WONDERFUL place to get ideas on how to dress your body type, style your hair and do conservative make up and still have an acceptable modicum of self expression within the confines of business attire.

Spilling stuff constantly? Take smaller bites, eat slower and pay attention. No excuse for this to be part of your daily uniform. I mean that kindly. And if a stain doesn't come out, pitch that article of clothing. A few of those expensive mishaps and it will underline to you the need to be careful of your things. Wearing stains is never okay.

Lady Gaga heels are inappropriate at work. If you don't have much of a social life in which to wear such things, you need to start building one so you feel like you have opportunity to be young and have fun and show who you are. If you have a good social life and already HAVE those opportunities, being petulant about conforming in your business life is just childish. Again, I mean that kindly. I truly do. There is a line between personal and professional. You are crossing it from the feedback they are giving you.

You can't use your work environment as a means to display "who you are" and expect to be successful or well recieved. Your value to your job comes in your ability to represent who THEY want to be seen as, not who YOU want to be seen as. You are hired as a representative of them, not you. And dirty clothing combined with questionable trendiness really does spell out...well...bad things.

At 35, it would be expected that you want your job to go somewhere. Think Erikson. Someone in their 50s or 60s may not be viewed the same way as you, or may not be looking to improve their work situation on the same level. Whatever they have or have not been told about their appearance has absolutely nothing to do with you.

SharonH, RN · May 9, 2010

at 35, i was never the stuffy shirt type.
but in business, i knew how to reflect my style w/o being inappropriate.
your employers have already stated that you are mgmt, and need to project this image accordingly

What Leslie said.

I'm 40, only 5 years older than yourself. It is quite possible to be stylish and professional. You don't have to wear black; I never do. In fact, I never wear pantsuits either. But you have to make sure you fit in with the culture of your workplace and that your dress reflects your work setting.

SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN · May 9, 2010

And you can look plenty eccentric and still look good. The social services people are prime examples of this. Gauze and long skirts and decent sandals and funky jewelry and braids -- but squeaky clean, modest, and appropriate to their jobs.

And always be ready to grab a med cart.

AE78 · May 9, 2010

Hiya,

how you doing? I'm sorry to hear you're a bit down on yourself, never a nice thing to feel and even worse when other people highlight things your sensitive about. Remeber it's your life and up to you how it goes, if you're not happy in your job or any area of your life do something positive to change it. Keep your chin up chick, it'll all be fine.

hugs, xx

expltcrn · May 9, 2010

Wow. A hard topic. I've had my battle with weight too and have felt frumpy and dowdy many a time. But, I did find that when I wear my suits on those days, I feel the immediate power pick up, which then translates to confidence and looking like I am put together. I agree fully with going with the company culture. Since you admit that you do need help, set aside all others around you who you think should be re-done as well. Focus on the you.

Some style tips, some of them from What not to wear and other fashionista's, if you do not like the matching pantsuit sets, always wear something structured - at least 1 piece of your outfit. Example: If you are wearing a flowing shirt, or flowing skirt, pair it with a structured jacket. With a large rack (which I work with as well), do not base your pick on the size tag of the Jacket when you go out to get your key pieces. Try them on. You will likely need a larger size with room to move your shoulders in the jacket, while still being able to button them up front when the need arises. I've also had better success with blouses that have a square or scoop neckline with plenty of room for the breasts and then flow out loosely, paired with tailored pants. You could also pair solid shrugs or bolero type jackets (the ones that don't close) with patterned shirts.

I don't do heels - I stick with the low heeled dressy loafer shoes or the oxfords since I have flat feet.

I stick with classic cut pieces, dresses and shirts. They make me look more put together, and have a slimming effect.

Good luck! I am sure you will find personal pride in your style at the end of this journey

mindlor · May 9, 2010

I am not a fashionista so I will leave that to those that are.

I would just like to first of all offer you a big hug. I am sure you are a fine person filled with value and capable of great things.

It sickens me to my very core the way society trains us to judge people based on their appearance.

Many times I wish people could look into my heart and my soul and see ME rather than just look at my exterior and see who they think I am......

Moogie · May 9, 2010

I recently was having a meeting with my immediate boss and the administrator over another issue. Not only did I not resolve the issue (though I know why) my appearance was also brought up. I'm tired of totally boring and unstimulating tasks I'm being given to do (QA junk, mostly) so I petitioned to be put on the floor with a med cart. I was told that would be fine if I wanted to work for LPN wages. Then, they pointed to my scrubs and messy hair and told me I was part of administration and needed to look more professional and like I have more self-esteem.
I'm sensitive about my looks anyway, so I just wanted to melt into the ground. I've gone out and bought some (expensive) dresses (Lane Bryant, Dillards, etc.) I tried on some regular pumps but thought they made me look too frumpy so I found these rather odd-looking platform high heels (Lady Ga Ga.) I'm sensitive about my weight, but if I've got to spend good money on clothes I want something I like (yes, I liked the Lady Ga Ga shoes.) Do you think this will go over well? I know we have one who is 50 yrs. old and wears baby doll dresses...what do you think is appropriate for nursing administration to wear if they don't wear scrubs?

I don't like flats, they make me look even frumpier. I've been told I'm "all boobs" so there will be no getting around that. I did find a large enough bra that supports me well and makes me look thinner. But the shoes, I like platform high heels...

Please pardon my being completely blunt here---but if the excess boobage is a problem for you, you may want to consider breast reduction. I had it done about seven years ago and it did wonders for my self-esteem and, as odd as it may seem, it helped me be taken more seriously as a professional. I tried everything to hide my breasts, from baggy tops to hunching my shoulders, and all I succeeded in doing was looking frumpy and like someone with zero self-esteem----and people still stared at my boobs anyway! Once I had the reduction, it was easier to find clothes and I felt a lot more confident knowing that people would actually look at my face rather than at my breasts when talking to me. (I also looked about 35 pounds slimmer and did lose weight after the reduction because it was a lot easier and less painful to move around without those huge things weighing me down.)

Regarding what to wear to work, definitely take a cue from other nurse managers (except the 50-somethings who wear baby-doll dresses...) What do your peers wear to work? If they are all in office casual, then that would be best for you. If they wear suits and jackets, then you, too, should wear more formal business attire as well. Office casual might mean dress slacks---khakis if it's very casual---and blouses or nice tops that don't reveal a lot of cleavage, don't gap, and fit appropriately---not too tight, not too loose. Doesn't Lane Bryant have a line of nice office-appropriate clothing that you can basically mix and match? I should think that if you ask one of their salespersons to help you find something right for work, she should be able to help you without totally blowing the budget.

The shoes---you don't have to wear frumpy flats---as other posters have said, there are nice selections from Clark. I also like Dankso and Born and occasionally Rockport. Just remember---no flip flops, no Crocs, and nothing Lady GaGa or a stripper would wear.

I hope I am not treading where I shouldn't but from other posts you sound like your life is very stressful and unsettled at this point. I hope I am putting this gently but when life is tough, sometimes a person's appearance shows it. If you don't have time to iron or always wash your clothes, they won't look as neat. If you're too stressed out to care about your hair, you might just pull it up in a ponytail and forget about it. I think it maybe life was a bit less stressful for you at this juncture, maybe you would have more time or inclination to invest in your appearance and you would look a little more professional. I also wonder if you may be into survival mode with so much going on in your life, that you're spending your energy just trying to get "through" everything that your supervisors are picking up that maybe you aren't completely engaged in your work. I mean, quality assurance is an important job at any facility but if you're feeling "bored" and unchallenged to the point that you are not only dressing like floor staff but asking to be put on the cart, I would guess that your supervisors have gotten the message that you aren't really focusing on the complexity of this sort of work. I mean, you're in a graduate program---you can be applying what you are learning in grad school to your job and applying what you are doing on the job to your grad coursework---so in that respect you shouldn't be bored, KWIM?

I also think you may need to deal with some of your life issues before you can move on in your career and education. I don't say that to be harsh---just speaking from the perspective of having been through that meat-grinder myself.

You may need to deal with some life issues before they end up costing you this job and your future as a nurse practitioner. Even if I am completely off base here and it is just a matter of appearance, as you know, jobs are hard to find and LTC facilities are quick to terminate people, so if you're being called into the office, you need to make some changes STAT. You will definitely need to convey a sense of professionalism and self-esteem when you interview for NP positions.

Don't worry about the other people in your department who look like hoochies. They have their positions for a reason and just because they can get by looking um, less than professional, you need to step it up a bit.

Again, not trying to be mean or harsh, but just trying to give some solid advice here...

ETA: This might not be the best time in your life to consider something like breast reduction---you have a lot on your plate---but it is something to think about in the future. One of the best things I have ever done for myself!

JulieCVICURN, BSN, RN · May 9, 2010

but the shoes...I like platform heels.

And I love leather bustiers and stiletto heels, but I don't wear them to work. There's a time and a place.

I don't know where you got the idea that suits and a polished professional look was dowdy and for the over 50 set. Before I was a nurse I worked in corporate America, and as a 22 year old wore pencil skirts and fitted suit jackets and had no problem getting attention in those after hours when we'd meet for happy hour after work, so I think you have the wrong idea about how dowdy professional attire is. Professional does not mean frumpy or dowdy. It can be sexy, attractive, and still completely appropriate. And even though I'm not in the kind of shape to wear tightly fitted stuff anymore, there's tons of great stuff for people with weight issues. We live in the world of Lane Bryant and Catherine's. They sell great stuff for bigger girls!

Many large department stores will provide a personal shopper free of charge if you call and ask them for help. If you choose to stay in an administration role, it might be good to get the help of an expert in how to dress. You should dress for the job you want, not the one you have (although, I want an informatics job and a suit probably won't go over well when I'm working bedside, so there are reasonable limitations).

Good luck. I would hate to see something as silly as clothing undermine your career path.

hearts895, RN BSN · May 9, 2010

Alot of people have given you good advice on clothes etc. but I just wanted to suggest low/kitten heels. You can find some real cute ones, but they are low key enough for work. As for expressing your "eccentric style" I'd suggest wearing jewelry that your really like and relate to. That way you can keep your outfits professional/business casual but still express your personality. You can always wear a nice pendant/necklace even with scrubs. Do simple, easy makeup. I used to do so little make up as to be seemingly none, but now that I've found some easy to use eyeliner etc. I can look put together with minimal time. Good luck :)

TDCHIM · May 9, 2010

and i love leather bustiers and stiletto heels, but i don't wear them to work. there's a time and a place.
i don't know where you got the idea that suits and a polished professional look was dowdy and for the over 50 set. before i was a nurse i worked in corporate america, and as a 22 year old wore pencil skirts and fitted suit jackets and had no problem getting attention in those after hours when we'd meet for happy hour after work, so i think you have the wrong idea about how dowdy professional attire is. professional does not mean frumpy or dowdy. it can be sexy, attractive, and still completely appropriate. and even though i'm not in the kind of shape to wear tightly fitted stuff anymore, there's tons of great stuff for people with weight issues. we live in the world of lane bryant and catherine's. they sell great stuff for bigger girls!

i couldn't agree more! you can dress professionally and look like a frump; however, you can also dress professionally and look sharp. i'm a couple of years younger than you, @dances, and not only do i have to worry about similar weight issues, i have forearm crutches thrown in too! i'm dreading having to return to professional attire in a couple of years because i hate shopping now that i look the way i do (plus some salespeople assume i'm mentally disabled, grrr....). however, there are indeed ways to dress professionally without looking like an ugly lampshade or an 80-year-old after-dinner mint. the lady gaga shoes just aren't workplace appropriate, but perhaps you could take an element of your own style and try to work it into a flattering professional outfit. for instance, i really like frogs and i have a cute frog pin (small, not obtrusive or costume-y looking), so i might end up putting it on the lapel of a black suit paired with a tailored green blouse.

i understand how it feels to think "well i'm going to look fat and awful no matter what, so why bother?" but appearance is a part of professionalism. you don't have to completely give up your own identity to look professional; you just have to find a way to work carefully selected elements of your style into a more structured, conservative framework to create a professionally appropriate whole.