Called into the office, told I'm a slob.

[danceswithsnakes]

I recently was having a meeting with my immediate boss and the administrator over another issue. Not only did I not resolve the issue (though I know why) my appearance was also brought up. I'm tired of totally boring and unstimulating tasks I'm being given to do (QA junk, mostly) so I petitioned to be put on the floor with a med cart. I was told that would be fine if I wanted to work for LPN wages. Then, they pointed to my scrubs and messy hair and told me I was part of administration and needed to look more professional and like I have more self-esteem.

I'm sensitive about my looks anyway, so I just wanted to melt into the ground. I've gone out and bought some (expensive) dresses (Lane Bryant, Dillards, etc.) I tried on some regular pumps but thought they made me look too frumpy so I found these rather odd-looking platform high heels (Lady Ga Ga.) I'm sensitive about my weight, but if I've got to spend good money on clothes I want something I like (yes, I liked the Lady Ga Ga shoes.) Do you think this will go over well? I know we have one who is 50 yrs. old and wears baby doll dresses...what do you think is appropriate for nursing administration to wear if they don't wear scrubs?

[fuzzywuzzy, CNA]

I'm short with big boobs too and I agree with whoever suggested sundresses. Those floral things with the elastic waistbands and full skirts are modest, but also pretty and flattering. Since they're so popular right now you can get them anywhere for cheap, but they're not so trendy that you'll never be able to wear them again- florals seem to be "in" just about every spring anyway. Plus stains are barely noticeable on patterns, especially in darker colors. Wear them with a cropped sweater and some low wedges, maybe even colored tights, and you won't look old at all. Cigarette pants and a belted tunic aren't bad either.

My hair is also messy- you look at it the wrong way and it's a frizzy, stringy mess no matter what I do with it. A French braid or twisted up in a claw clip is better than a ponytail though.

[MagsMom]

As a person who has also struggled with weight and self esteem I can relate to your situation. However, I might suggest instead of focusing on exactly what you are going to wear start by making sure you are neat and clean. You mentioned that something was said about your "messy hair" - start with fixing that first. Next move on to making your clothes are ironed. Think about using teeth whitener - I did this and have started to notice that I smile more. This, I think, will do more for your appearance than going out and buying a new wardrobe.

As for the Lady Ga Ga shoes - I too like platforms but agree with another poster in that there is a time and place for everything. The fact is that if you want to be taken seriously you will have to appear professional.

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

I'm sure others have said it already but I'll echo it again: Lane Bryant

Their clothing really is cut and designed to flatter larger sizes, and you can find a lot of sharp clothing in there that will satisify management's desire for the "professional look" and still flatter you instead of making you look dowdy/frumpy/whatever.

You might be surprised what you find in there, because even LB knows the answer for large women isn't always wearing black :)

[sharpeimom]

dances, you've been given a ton of great advice so far. it's fine if you like the lady gaga look, but, please! please! please! not at work!! totally and completely inappropriate look. it's the absolute opposite of the polished professional look you want to project. on your off hours... great! whatever floats your boat. i'm wondering something though, and there isn't a tactful way to ask this. do you actually like the lady gaga look, or is it a look you wish you could pull off? it isn't an overall look many men like very much.

they like it on her but would simply shrivel up and die if their wives or girlfriends dressed like that.

my cousin's college age son describes her look as "the over frosted cupcake look."

get your hair cut in a simple wash and blow dry cut that's long enough to pull back with a big barrette or pull up with a clip. oscar blandi makes a dry shampoo that really does work!! it's called pronto dry shampoo and is available by mail from penney's or from www.sephora.com and it smells fresh and not

perfumy. you smell clean and fresh and look freshly shampooed. you can wash your hair every other day, which is a big time saver!

you can dress for a casual/business look by wearing cords, stone slacks, khaki skirts and slacks, denim skirts, button-down collar blouses, turtlenecks with sweaters, jackets or vests. colored opaque hose aren't dowdy at all. part of growing up is learning to compromise, and learning that people do judge us on our overall appearance, and not just how well we do our jobs. being busty and weighing too much do not preclude looking nice or having a strong sense of self and plenty of self confidence. both let us feel good about ourselves. i like clark shoes. flat shoes aren't automatically frumpy. be sure your shoes are wide enough. if that means a wide width, so be it. i have a very high instep and wear a wide width shoe no matter what i weigh.

buy some things a size larger, if necessary. remember, the tag is on the inside and nobody sees it except you! carry shout wipes in your purse and pocket always. they're like a wash 'n dry, but remove stains and spills from your clothes and keep you looking neat and professional. if you take your clothes out of the dryer the very second it buzzes, then fingerpress seams, pockets, collars. etc., you'll look nicer. oh, afterthought... get yourself to a good bra department or shop for a proper fitting.

size has nothing to do with style, if you're careful. check out ebay or online for brands like junonia and ulla popkin. what about a light aerobics or stretching class? both the yw and the wm have them.

i feel so much better when i do a bit of exercise.

hugs,

kathy

shar pei mom:paw::paw:

[NurseNotRatched, ADN, BSN, CNA]

Just wanted to add my When I worked in a corporate environment, the attire was mostly business casual and at times business dress. I am also heavier with large breasts. Try Ashley Stewart in addition to the other recommendations. They are trendier, flatter heavier women, and carry a "work wear" line as well.

[resumecpr]

A great collared jacket that comes in at the waist is always a good staple. No horizontal stripes or skin tight pants. Try a stright leg pant and kitten heels with a point to elongate the leg. Layer your top half (cami, collared shirt, then jacket or sweater) so you can remove easily and still look sharp. Can you tell I watch a lot of "What Not to Wear"!!???? Good luck and be fierce!!!

[ziggysgal,RN]

No offense to anyone in their 50's (we are all heading that way, after all) but I'm 35. I think of wearing dowdy, stuffy black pantsuits or pants at all (I like dresses) or even black business skirts and I become very depressed, it's not me at all. Tne truth is, I will likely be at this job another year or until I finish nurse practitioner school. I'm not jockeying for a position.

I do have low self esteem but being expected to dress like that will only make it worse. Maybe it's tacky, but my sense of style is a little eccentric. I take full responsibility for being a slob, my uniforms were stained. I can't even eat without looking like I used my chest for a table. My hairdo consisted of a ponytail. That said, we have many rather downright unattractive people (including a very overweight woman in her late 60's) and they never say anything to her. They also never say anything to the 50 year old woman in baby doll dresses. But they singled me out. Again, I don't deny looking like a slob, but we have people here who are FAR from the catwalk.

I am not sure how the above reconciles with this post -

I have above average looks myself, and I've wondered if this may be one of the reasons (I'll just nicely call her a post menopausal, crispy-crunchy from the tanning bed, gossipy, nasty skank) hates me so much, because she recently succeeded in seeing to the termination of another nurse with above average looks and personality as well. She is vicious, to say the least, and I can't figure why she dislikes me so much. She is also a recent divorcee because her last husband was cheating on her, and maybe we remind her of "the other woman." Who knows, I'm younger and prettier than she is, but I'm not betting that's the only reason she hates me so. Nasty is nasty. I don't get envious and catty because another woman is prettier than I am, and I doubt that is the reason the OP is getting bullied.

but OP, in your own words... the potential is there (?) but you allow yourself to wear stained clothing and carry a very unprofessional image. The best accessory you can wear is confidence... but admitting you are lazy about your appearance indicates you are not wearing a bit of confidence. Lots of good advice here on how to combine business attire with personal style... not much left for me to add... except that you need to take pride in yourself and the confidence will come naturally.

[scoochy]

No offense to anyone in their 50's (we are all heading that way, after all) but I'm 35. I think of wearing dowdy, stuffy black pantsuits or pants at all (I like dresses) or even black business skirts and I become very depressed, it's not me at all. Tne truth is, I will likely be at this job another year or until I finish nurse practitioner school. I'm not jockeying for a position.

I do have low self esteem but being expected to dress like that will only make it worse. Maybe it's tacky, but my sense of style is a little eccentric. I take full responsibility for being a slob, my uniforms were stained. I can't even eat without looking like I used my chest for a table. My hairdo consisted of a ponytail. That said, we have many rather downright unattractive people (including a very overweight woman in her late 60's) and they never say anything to her. They also never say anything to the 50 year old woman in baby doll dresses. But they singled me out. Again, I don't deny looking like a slob, but we have people here who are FAR from the catwalk.

When I read your post(s), you sound dejected and sad. You stated you have low self-esteem; it is reflected in your outward appearance. You have a hectic life, from the sound of it (school, work). Do you think you could benefit from short-term counseling?

[nursel56]

QUOTE=AlmostABubbieRN;4290797]And you can look plenty eccentric and still look good. The social services people are prime examples of this. Gauze and long skirts and decent sandals and funky jewelry and braids -- but squeaky clean, modest, and appropriate to their jobs.

. . .and so very true! I gravitate to this style having come of age in the early 70s when Mexican peasant tops and hand-tooled leather accessories were branded into my young style-brain. . .and there are definately ways to make it office appropriate-

dws- not sure if anyone has mentioned this but catalogues can be a wealth of ideas, and if you find a company who's style is just "you", the company will do your mix and match (in model photographs),and offer all the color selections and accessories, too. They don't all have plus sizes, but they help you put the outfit together. I like (not- an- ad- not- an- ad) Coldwater Creek and Chadwicks, Midnight Velvet somewhat exotic, J. Crew and Talbots too preppy, and where the heck did I put that credit card. . .?

QUOTE=MagsMom;4291029]As a person who has also struggled with weight and self esteem I can relate to your situation. However, I might suggest instead of focusing on exactly what you are going to wear start by making sure you are neat and clean.

Without that it doesn't matter what you are wearing. I'd also ad proper fit to the list, and stains, wrinkles and ripped seams fixed if possible. I'm glad this thread hasn't headed south yet!

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

My secretary is full figured. She looks like a million dollars. She gets advice from sales people in Dillards and other stores with knowledgable staff, from makeup to clothes to shoes. I have been shopping with her and know she does not spend a lot. Getting the right thing that fits is better than spending money on the wrong thing. Anyway, confidence is only partially supported by appearance. Consider taking a course in something that will boost your self-esteem. Good luck.

[aura_of_laura]

Being larger does not mean you should be doomed to elastic waists and polyester!

Invest in a few well-tailored, conservative pieces - they will cost more than Penney's or Fashion Bug, but they will fit infinitely better, last much longer, and project put-togetherness. A good suit jacket, slacks, and a few sweaters... I love v-neck sweaters (but not the really deep Vs) - they look great over collared shirts or a even a cute t-shirt! Kitten heels are the best - they tend to have better arches than flats, and are girly without being all in-your-face.

The key is to keep your clothes classic, and accessorize with a piece or two of funky jewelry.

Also, ask the sales associates when shopping (maybe not at Fashion Bug, but definitely at Macy's, J. Crew, or LB) - they will be honest with you! And ask about instore tailoring services - many stores will hem pants to the right height at no extra cost...

Have you considered a session with an image consultant? It sounds luxurious, but they know their stuff, and the information they can give you can last a lifetime! These days, there are so many style blogs for every body type, you can even find a lot of free advice...

[Sugarcoma, RN]

Dances, You can always find ways to insert your own sense of style into your professional clothing. Black and white is not mandatory if this doesn't fit into your personal style. Get yourself some nice bright colorful shirts, jewelry, belts, etc. to accessorize with and jazz up your look.

And from one sloppy eater and drinker to another (I swear there is a hole in the bottom of my mouth! I always manage to spill whatever im drinking down my shirt!) Shout handi wipes are fantastic, remove most stains and dry very quickly and on most fabrics dry up without a trace!