Bullying :Living well is the best revenge

Nurses General Nursing

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Incivility, or frank bullying. Quite a common problem in this line of work.

I have my PhD in the subject, and even the tee-shirt. Fortunately it largely resolved, after I got my NP. Still, there are some rather traumatic memories.

Two decades ago ago, as an RN, after several months of abuse, I was kicked out of the health dept. What a blessing in disguise.

There was one fellow RN there, that was particularly memorable for her snide condescension, and consistent efforts to undermine me anyway she could. Making every work day miserable.

After I got canned, the union called, and wanted to know why no one could keep a job there. I was the sixth person in 2 years who had been let go.

A study should be done there about toxic work environments. Alas, the worst offenders have retired. So I thought.

Due to the flu epidemic, the health department recently had a TV spot on vaccinations. And there she was, 20 years older, and in all her glory.

I did a quick Internet check on her salary. I live in one of those "transparent" states with regards to government salaries.

It must be hard to live on 40k.

Of course, money isn't everything, but 175k gives you a lot more options in life.

So I have heard.

Specializes in Travel, Home Health, Med-Surg.

I don't bask in misfortune of others on a regular basis either but it is nice to see that these people do not always get away with their bulling behavior. I worked in various jobs before nursing and was shocked (after I started working as a nurse) to see grown, professional women and/or men ( but in my experience mostly women) acting this way, I still don't understand why.

Specializes in Travel, Home Health, Med-Surg.
Success and happiness is definitely the best revenge!

I am writing my dissertation on nurse bullying..

You would think in 2018 this would not be a problem.. some see it as a right of passage but really?... and most of use don't recognize the behavior as bullying.

The research says administrators and even nurse leaders do not admit that it is happening even with the attention from the ANA and Joint Commission and is "chronic from the top" (Hutchinson and Jackson, 2015)

Those who have experienced nurse bullying know the scenario's very well...

Hutchinson, M., & Jackson, D. (2015). The construction and legitimation of workplace bullying in the public sector: insight into power dynamics and organisational failures in health and social care. Nursing inquiry, 22(1), 13-26.

Good luck on your dissertation and I hope it helps with this ongoing problem!

I have also been a victim of bullying. It was actually lateral violence.

I was shocked, hurt, cried and caved in. I quit there..

THIS!!! i totally understand where you are coming from!! similiar situation happended to me........i quit as well.......yea, the hospital called several times to get me to come back.....of course i only know this because i sent all their calls to voicemail, and listened to the message. but not one time did i answer, or even look back. i dont know what happended to the nurse who bullied me....and i dont care. i have a great juob i absolutely love....and i have never been better!!

Its sad.....the backbiting, lateral bullying and horizontal violence we have to deal with here in nursing. it shouls not be like that.

No it should not. You are to be commended. You were in a horrible situation and you got out of it. I think if more nurses didn't put up with horrible nonsense there would be a lot less horrible nonsense

Success and happiness is definitely the best revenge!

I am writing my dissertation on nurse bullying..

You would think in 2018 this would not be a problem.. some see it as a right of passage but really?... and most of use don't recognize the behavior as bullying.

The research says administrators and even nurse leaders do not admit that it is happening even with the attention from the ANA and Joint Commission and is "chronic from the top" (Hutchinson and Jackson, 2015)

Those who have experienced nurse bullying know the scenario's very well...

Hutchinson, M., & Jackson, D. (2015). The construction and legitimation of workplace bullying in the public sector: insight into power dynamics and organisational failures in health and social care. Nursing inquiry, 22(1), 13-26.

Interesting the people on this site, one in particular, that don't recognize the behavior as bullying, they downright deny that it exists.

Specializes in Critical Care.
I don't bask in misfortune of others on a regular basis either but it is nice to see that these people do not always get away with their bulling behavior. I worked in various jobs before nursing and was shocked (after I started working as a nurse) to see grown, professional women and/or men ( but in my experience mostly women) acting this way, I still don't understand why.

I worked a lot of non nursing jobs and never experienced bullying. Not to say I didn't deal with a couple unfriendly people, but it didn't rise to bullying. No one was harmed. If they didn't want to be friendly it was there loss and life went on as usual.

Now my nursing bully had a chip on her shoulder for new grad RN's because she was only an LPN and for some irrational reason wanted to blame the rest of us for becoming RN's. She loved to find fault to prove we were stupid and she was so much smarter, but that didn't change the fact that she was an LPN. Sure we knew less than her because we were right out of school.

She liked to play games with the other new grads when she was demoted to HUC she would question Dr orders and tell the new grad to call the Dr and ask for different orders. Once she even withheld a tele event from a nurse to try to get her in trouble. She was just irrational.

I also dealt with several different cliques and basically steered clear of them. I'm my own person and don't want to kowtow to anyone. I've dealt with the gamut from ex cheerleaders that would do cartwheels down the hall and asked me what bra size I wore, really, to a diva that wanted her peons to follow her around. I actually transferred units not to deal with the nonsense! I watched the leader ingratiate herself with the manager on a personal basis and to me it looked like manipulation so I could see how this could be a perfect recipe for harassment, but she was benign and happy to bask in the admiration of her flock of friends.

Yes, from my experience, it can be really, really bad. So bad that people from other occupations just can't imagine this going on in the workplace, because it is more like 7th grade.

+And yet you still worry about this person and do comparisons?

Specializes in Critical Care and ED.

Bullying can happen to anyone. As a seasoned veteran I thought those days were behind me until a few years ago I came across my nemesis. At the time when we met I thought we were friends. It took me a long time to figure out what she was doing, and how she was trying to get me fired. It was a huge blow and a slap in the face, but once I finally figured it out she couldn't fool me anymore. We were in a very professional administrative position and still this nonsense prevailed. Luckily, I was not the only one she was doing it to, and eventually her luck ran out and people started talking among themselves about it, and then she was sunk. When I got the CNIO involved was when things changed. By then she had alienated the director and most of the department and in a strange twist of fate, her final judgment was placed in my care.

I was asked by senior administration if she was of value and I was able to say absolutely not, and that she was a poisonous detriment to us all. She was walked out of the building within in the hour. I'm not a vindictive person but I relished that moment. I was finally heard. My entire department talked long and hard about her for a long time afterwards and we came to the realization that she has a serious personality disorder. I am quite sure that one day I will see her in the news and it won't be good. I still struggle with what she did to me. I almost had a nervous breakdown but I learned a lot about myself and my boundaries and I will never allow that to happen again.

Yep my placing boundaries is something I wasn't born with. I learned the hard way that colleagues are people you work with and friends are people you pick. I try very hard not to get close to coworkers on any sort of personal level

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

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You could always send her a note or better yet wait till next Christmas and send her one of those family brag letters of all you've done.
Following the philosophy of "Living well is the best revenge", we should never retaliate.

A portion of Living Well is a concept called called "Loving Indifference"or acting in a manner of being lovingly indifferent. Basically, if someone has done something that hurts us and refuses to see the error of their ways, we respond by being lovingly indifferent; we do nothing to aid or hurt them.

With retaliation, we are seeking to hurt them as they have hurt us, which is not an act of love.

"Remember to live and let live.

The best you can do is forgive."

To forgive someone for their trespasses against us relieves us of any baggage, as we do not have to carry grudges. To forgive does not mean to forget: "When someone has shown you who they are, believe them the first time" and learn from this experience.

Channeling the Traveling Winburys, excellent!!! 1/2 are in heaven now waiting for the rest to arrive. Bob says he ain't leaving though

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