Bullying :Living well is the best revenge

Nurses General Nursing

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Incivility, or frank bullying. Quite a common problem in this line of work.

I have my PhD in the subject, and even the tee-shirt. Fortunately it largely resolved, after I got my NP. Still, there are some rather traumatic memories.

Two decades ago ago, as an RN, after several months of abuse, I was kicked out of the health dept. What a blessing in disguise.

There was one fellow RN there, that was particularly memorable for her snide condescension, and consistent efforts to undermine me anyway she could. Making every work day miserable.

After I got canned, the union called, and wanted to know why no one could keep a job there. I was the sixth person in 2 years who had been let go.

A study should be done there about toxic work environments. Alas, the worst offenders have retired. So I thought.

Due to the flu epidemic, the health department recently had a TV spot on vaccinations. And there she was, 20 years older, and in all her glory.

I did a quick Internet check on her salary. I live in one of those "transparent" states with regards to government salaries.

It must be hard to live on 40k.

Of course, money isn't everything, but 175k gives you a lot more options in life.

So I have heard.

Specializes in ICU, LTACH, Internal Medicine.

"Remember to live and let live.

The best you can do is forgive."

To forgive someone for their trespasses against us relieves us of any baggage, as we do not have to carry grudges. To forgive does not mean to forget: "When someone has shown you who they are, believe them the first time" and learn from this experience.

Those who follow this philosophy are probably blessed to never experience enough real, cold-blooded evil in their entire lives.

I do not even mention that the only one thing bullies are afraid of and which can make at least most of them to think another time before acting is direct and constant threat of revenge. Luckily for most of us, bullies are almost universally cowardly creatures who will strike only when they feel safe to do so. Eliminating that sensation of safety for even one of them greatly helps to keep the rest of company at bay.

It takes WAY more time and energy than just "letting them live" and harm others in the meantime, but the long-term results can be truly spectacular.

Nur der verdient sich Freiheit wie das Lebcn, / Der taglich sie erobern mus! (He only earns both freedom and existence/Who must reconquer them each his living day!

(Goethe, Faust)

Sadly, bullying is rife in many workplaces. I've experienced it, and it was horrible. However, what makes it so disheartening in the field of nursing is that we (or most of us) entered the profession because we are caring folks who want to do good and right by our fellow man....we care about others, and we want to help. Furthermore, this is, without a doubt, one field where we absolutely need to work as a team and with the interests of the patient front and foremost in our minds - not our egos, or who is better at a certain skill, or who picked up more poo that day, or whatever....

Bullying is a very emotional subject for me because I have had to watch my sweet natured and beautiful daughter be subjected to it for her entire school career, and it has left her dejected and depressed. Bullying disgusts me.

The Tempest is my favorite Shakespeare play due to its beautiful ending of mercy and forgiveness. Prospero had spent so much of his life hating those who betrayed him, but when they were finally in his grasp he realized that "the rarer action is in virtue than in vengeance". It really is liberating to forgive. It isn't easy to forgive, but it doesn't really count if it's easy. That's what makes it forgiveness.

Hate and revenge are roads without an end. Living well as the "best revenge" is sort of an oxymoron.

Specializes in ICU, LTACH, Internal Medicine.
The Tempest is my favorite Shakespeare play due to its beautiful ending of mercy and forgiveness. Prospero had spent so much of his life hating those who betrayed him, but when they were finally in his grasp he realized that "the rarer action is in virtue than in vengeance". It really is liberating to forgive. It isn't easy to forgive, but it doesn't really count if it's easy. That's what makes it forgiveness.

Hate and revenge are roads without an end. Living well as the "best revenge" is sort of an oxymoron.

Yeah, but Prospero'work on forgiveness starts from saying about "them being petinent" and ends with asking Ariel (whom he himself treated less than nicely for quite some time) to set him free. His final resolution comes only after Ariel forgives him.

It is kind of different from forgiving people who remain dead assured that it was, is and will be their undeniable right to maim others just for fun of it.

My favorite is "Macbeth". With all its brooding and shadows of madness - one has only one chance to do things right. Doesn't matter how minuscule it is, because one never knows what stone will remain sitting put, and what one unleashes avalanche.

Specializes in Educator, COVID Paperwork Expert (self-taught).

I started a new job as Clinical Educator in two long-term-care buildings about 6 months ago. The difference between the buildings is dramatic.

The one is UNfriendly to the point of being ridiculous. In the fall both an administrator and DON quit. New ones moved up from within the facility. since then, the unfriendliness to me is so obvious...one day literally SIX staff members, including the DON, ignored me even after I said "hello" to them by name. One long-time CNA ignored me at least 4 times in one day. She also discouraged others from doing a "find the germ" activity I'd set up (in my other building, more than 30 people took part...in this building, three). Since I'm only here 2 days a week I don't know exactly why this happened; I've made it a point to be friendly to EVERYONE in every place I work. Part of it is because it's a small town and the trouble makers have been employed here forever. They repeatedly drive off new staff. It's a toxic culture of people not wanting to change, not wanting to improve or learn.

Before things got really bad I recruited an RN to work here--in this small town it's almost impossible to find good RNs who want to work in LTC. They were so blatantly unfriendly and unhelpful to her that she transferred to the facility in the other town. And then they complain here about the shortage...I am waiting for an opportune time to nicely tell them why the other RN quit, that they drove her off...

Last week an event was not reported (resident was NOT injured) and both the DON and Admin were suspended for a day. (The upper regional people are friends with the Admin so she wasn't fired as she maybe should have been...another example of small town politics!). Anyway, I was AMAZED at the change in attitude in the building that day! Several CNAs who I could tell were under the influence of the unfriendlies above them actually came and sat in my office and talked with me! The whole atmosphere was so much better overall...even the ADON talked and laughed with me. It is amazing the toxic affect just a few people can have. Unfortunately the DON & Admin are back adn things are back to what they were...

Here's my outlook--and it's always been my outlook and attitude, just a little more difficult to carry out at this building...I am friendly to EVERYONE. Period. No exceptions. Everyone gets a "hello" and a smile, whether or not they respond. And know what? I think it might have really made a difference to several people here, who the nursing staff considers "below" them--a housekeeper and someone in the kitchen. These ladies were/are having personal problems and have come to me for a piece of candy and a friendly ear. I gave one of them a handful of suckers when she was quitting smoking and you'd think I gave her a diamond!

I will continue to do my job, and continue to cover my self by emailing the DON, Admin, and when approp the higher ups about things as necessary. I will continue to be friendly to everyone--who knows who will respond at some point? Just within the last few weeks one of the maintenance guys started positively responding when I asked about his day--for the longest time he was so negative, but I started encouraging him in his work and hope it made a difference for him.

Most importantly, I am making others feel good, doing the right thing, and I feel good about myself.

Thanks for "listening"...reading these other comments encouraged me to get some of these things off my chest!

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