Bullied? What the heck is this about?

[ORTech2RN]

Hey guys, strangest situation I've probably found myself in. Been an RN since 2011, and worked health care since 2003, never had a problem working with women. Not one. I have an RN on our unit, well, now she's moved on to another clinical area. For whatever reason, insists on greeting me as "girl." And, to get a show, she'll address me as "what's up girl," in front of other people. Initially I blew it off as just jokes,whatever. However, I'm pretty sure she knows it gets a rise out of me, and does it to jerk my chain, and humiliate me.

The ironic thing, I'm 6'1, 230lb and obviously have very little resemblance to a female, lol. Here's the thing, I can confront people, but sometimes I come off as being too aggressive In other words, I take crap and try to blow it off until I lose it. I have a federal job, so don't really feel like losing it for completely going off an idiot. Plus, I feel with the feds, they wont take any complaint serious, considering I'm a male, a white at that.

Opinions?

[ORTech2RN]

I think this is the only recourse. However, I don't expect a clean resolution. I would expect retaliation and I wonder how management will treat this. I work for the federal government, where they allegedly take EO complaints serious. I've had a recent offer from a friend in home health. Taking this job would give me a day job, and I would be close to home, but a significant cut in pay and loss of my benefits.

[OnlinePersona, LPN]

Ugh I would just flat out tell her to don't talk to me like that.

[Whispera, MSN, RN]

Might she think you don't mind, so she continues, as a way of wierd bonding with you?

A simple l'd appreciate it if you'd stop that might do the trick. To do what she's doing, right back to her, is kinda passive-aggressive, and could be taken to mean you're playing along with the game, and even like it.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

I am heterosexual, I'm pretty sure she is aware of this. Unless s he perceives something else, I don't know. I'm honestly stumped. I'm 43, and have worked various job since I was 16, never had an incident with a coworker trying to harass me. I'm generally a laid back person and have always gotten along with coworkers. Maybe she's threatened somehow? Insecure?

She is being a jerk who believes herself as "funny". And I am surprised one of your co-workers hasn't expressed shock over the comments.

Unless you are not even thinking about it and call people "dude" (ie: "Dude, that was a long admission, only 2 hours to go in the shift!!) Which happens. Is she trying to be passive aggressive in making a point?

In front of all of your co-workers I would calmly say "Hold up for a moment I thought this was a hospital and not Jr High. Can we stop the name calling? Is my Mom going to have to call your Mom? Seriously?! You need to stop."

And if there is a charge nurse who is present, I would flat out say that you have been doing this a long time. That what is important to you at your job is your nursing character. And to deal with the adolescent shenanigans of unprofessional people is wayyyyyy above your pay grade. Period.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

I think this is the only recourse. However, I don't expect a clean resolution. I would expect retaliation and I wonder how management will treat this. I work for the federal government, where they allegedly take EO complaints serious. I've had a recent offer from a friend in home health. Taking this job would give me a day job, and I would be close to home, but a significant cut in pay and loss of my benefits.

Don't do this!! Goodness, to lose pay and benefits and a job with I would assume a pension? Put in your time until you are vested, then think about home health stuff.

Just my 2 cents worth.

And your kind of jobs are very hard to get. Perhaps this person is jockeying for position? No one wants to cater to crazy. If you don't have malpractice insurance, get it. Retaliation is a real thing, and don't leave yourself uncovered.

Bullying is something that is covered a LOT on AN. However, this is outright the exact example of what bullying is.

On more thought--do you have a union? Do you have a mentor? Discuss this with them. But do NOT get baited into reacting at the expense of your livelihood!

[springchick1, ADN, RN]

I say meet with her and the manager. You do all the talking but there is someone else there so she can't go back later and claim harassment.

[nursej22, MSN, RN]

I would just say "please call me ORtech (or what ever you prefer), in a serious direct manner. If she laughs it off, you say " seriously, I prefer you use ......" Then, if she persists, go to the manager.

I do not appreciate being called honey, or sweetie, and telling people firmly how you wished to be addressed shuts that down quickly.

[Libby1987]

I wouldn't let anyone run me out of a good job no matter what they called me.

To handle this I think I would go to my Mgr and HR without filing a complaint and ask them how I should proceed. If they suggest to simply ask her to stop then I would start there.

I would not try to be clever with giving it right back or confrontational prior to getting a recommendation because then it's going to be awkward to complain about her name calling and bullying once you've played into it.

[nurse2033, MSN, RN]

Send her an email and CC your boss. Dear "X", I enjoy working with you but please stop calling me girl. I don't like it. Thanks!

[imintrouble, BSN, RN]

I'm at a loss. Behavior as described, is beyond anything in my experience.

If you were 12 I'd say she was flirting. But I might be insulting 12 year olds.

[RescueNinjaKy]

Be like "bro, I like your stache"

[algebra_demystified]

That's a weird thing to deal with. Gender insecurity is RAMPANT in nursing. That sucks. I don't know what to say, just thought maybe it would help to know that somebody else feels the same way from time to time.