Break up during school

Nursing Students General Students

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My boyfriend and I have been together three years and we we have been living together for over a year. He left me out of no where while I was dealing with my own parents divorce. Now I'm dealing with losing my apartment with we got together and losing him. I am extremely heartbroken and I'm falling apart, and I start classes in two weeks. He claims he doesn't want this anymore when not long ago he wanted me in his life forever. Has anyone ever experienced this and does anyone have any tips on getting through this during school... He was my main support system and my best friend. He's been there for me since I started school and we were even planning on getting married. He threw everything away so easily and it's really hard to except. I know a lot of people go through this, but right now it seems impossible to handle this much pain and take these hard classes at the same time.

Everyone who said you need time is correct, it's true. You do. You need to take the time to grieve and to process. Feel sorry for yourself, cry. Eat that large pizza and drink that whole bottle of wine while watching Netflix on the couch. Whatever YOU need to do. It's important because you need to get it all out of your system. Sure you can throw yourself into nursing school and get distracted, but you have to get the initial heartbreak out of your system first.

Give yourself time. You have two weeks before nursing school, right? That's a good amount of time to relax, to rant to friends, to eat bad food and feel sorry for yourself. Then come the first day of nursing school, tell yourself that the first stage of grief is over and now you're ready to kick ass.

The pain will come in waves and it will be awful for a while and everything will suck. But you know what won't suck? Earning your nursing degree and becoming a stronger woman in the process. I have so much respect for you and wish you nothing but success.

I'm so sorry this is all hitting you at once. I will share a painful and personal story..

I turned 18 and moved 6 hours away with my then boyfriend who didnt give a rat's behind about me. I enrolled in their local nursing program. After three months he dumped me for another woman and I had no where to live. I also experienced a death in my immediate family within a month of this happening. I was absolutely shattered. BUT you gotta pick yourself back up. You are going to feel alone but you have yourself. You can ALWAYS depend on yourself. I know this is a cliche saying but " you never know how strong you are until it's the only option you have." Put your nose in your books. Focus as best as you can. Time heals all wounds. Sometimes we hit rock bottom but dont stay there! My heart is with you and I wish you the best!

It is going to hurt and I think we all understand that here. Overtime it will get better, but it doesn't feel like that to you now. A couple years ago I felt like you. Didn't want to get up out of bed. Nothing brought me joy, but I went to work everyday and that kept my mind off of it for a few minutes at a time. I know if the midst of it I realized someone better was out there. And he was. I am now married to the love of my life. Go to school, get your nursing license so that no matter what happens you can take care of yourself. This will allow you to find someone you want, not someone you need. Believe me we all know that pain you are feeling, like your heart will break in two. One day at a time right now. Hugs to you.

So sorry. All of that sucks alone, let alone combined. My boyfriend of over a year dumped me two days before my last final and it sucked. Just focus on YOU and getting through nursing school. Boys are a distraction anyway (said in my best middle-school-age voice). You can overcome all this. Hugs.

Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

I started nursing school four months after the death of my oldest child, who was 13. I found the rigors of school to demand a lot of my time and attention, which in turn allowed little time for active grieving. This was both good and bad, as I found once I graduated that the grief was right there waiting for me when school ended.

I suspect that though this boyfriend has been a huge part of your life for a rather long time, the dedication and commitment to school will help you as well. By the time it is over, you will no longer be the same person you have been. Your life will have moved on and you will have learned a great deal about yourself. I am now very thankful for the "distraction" nursing school was for me. It let me take a nightmare and use it as an agent for change inside myself. You can and will do the same.

Your pain is valid. Grieve, but do not let your grief rob you of your dreams. He doesn't get to keep that much of you. It will not always feel this way. Sending you love and light.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
I will give you the advice I've given other women on this board, women in my real life, and advice I've had to learn the hard way myself:

Never, ever, ever let a man determine or limit what you are capable of achieving in this life.

But what if a man or a woman has a an intense committed relationship with a woman and that relationship goes awry?

Should one then "never ever ever let a (woman) determine what you are capable of achieving in this life"?

Perhaps the concept needs not be gender specific and should read "never ever, ever allow another to determine what you are capable of achieving in this life".

Thank you for everyone's words of support and understanding. Your words honestly did make me feel better and feel like it will be okay eventually. Hugs to all of you who have gone through similar or worse experiences... You are all so strong and I hope to get to that point someday

Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

You are already there Nicoleashley. As the famous quote goes, you just have no idea how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. You will go up and down....hang in there.

Specializes in Med/Surg/Infection Control/Geriatrics.

Nicoleashley,

While my own circumstance of long ago weren't exactly the same, there are similarities. My mother had cancer, my husband and I divorced and I had to find another place to live, all during nursing school. Loss is still loss, even when it comes in different forms. There is a grieving process.

I am so sorry that you are going through this, Honey. (Grandma here.) You must stay the course. There will be times when you will be angry and sad. You probably are a bit sleep deprived and my guess is you may not be eating right either. That's ok, but not for long. Your body will pay the price and that can affect your thinking and how you process.

Please be kind to yourself. It wouldn't hurt to bring it to someone who will pray for you and be there as a kind friend of whom you trust. When you come out the other end of this, you will be stronger.

Get out for walks, bike rides, treats, a new lipstick, just something simple and fun to pamper you. Light a scented candle, have some herbal tea and toast if that's all you can eat right now, then move on to the "good stuff."

Listen to your favorite music, watch an uplifting movie, feed your spirit. If you enjoy the Scriptures, read those. I found them very encouraging and comforting.

In the meantime, advertising for a student roommate might be wise to help share the costs of your apartment, or perhaps you might do better just renting a room for a while? You can save a bundle doing that!

If the food budget is tight, visiting a local food shelf is a good idea. There's no shame in that! And, like this situation, it is only temporary.

Your future in Nursing is a priority now. Do not let anyone distract you from that, including and especially him!

Your heart is broken and your spirit has been badly wounded....you need time to heal. School can help with that.

Don't jump ship, Honey. You are in my prayers and thoughts, as well the rest of us.

Sending hugs and virtual chocolate your way!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cynthia

Specializes in Med/Surg/Infection Control/Geriatrics.
Thank you for everyone's words of support and understanding. Your words honestly did make me feel better and feel like it will be okay eventually. Hugs to all of you who have gone through similar or worse experiences... You are all so strong and I hope to get to that point someday

You will, sweetheart. You'll get there!!

"I think you have me around for your convenience", she replied.

"Yeah- so what's your point?"

Wow, I guess you showed her, didn't you?

My boyfriend went from talking about marriage to breaking up with me a month before I was to start an intensive BSN program. I started nursing school with my self esteem in tatters. The first month of nursing school was awful. I ended up finding a therapist to talk to once a week, and it helped me immensely, so much so that when at the end of nursing school, he came back telling me he made a mistake, I had the self esteem to kick him to the curb. I now have a great job, a wonderful husband, and 2 year old daughter. You'll get through this. Find someone to talk to.

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