Break up during school

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My boyfriend and I have been together three years and we we have been living together for over a year. He left me out of no where while I was dealing with my own parents divorce. Now I'm dealing with losing my apartment with we got together and losing him. I am extremely heartbroken and I'm falling apart, and I start classes in two weeks. He claims he doesn't want this anymore when not long ago he wanted me in his life forever. Has anyone ever experienced this and does anyone have any tips on getting through this during school... He was my main support system and my best friend. He's been there for me since I started school and we were even planning on getting married. He threw everything away so easily and it's really hard to except. I know a lot of people go through this, but right now it seems impossible to handle this much pain and take these hard classes at the same time.

Treat yourself like the boss that you are! You managed to get into nursing school (congrats!) and while he may have been a great supporter, YOU are the one who did the work to get there. You earned this for yourself and are taking a huge step in bettering your future.

I start school in three weeks, so I cant speak from experience, but it seems that you will be so busy with work that his lack of presence may go slightly unnoticed. Take your pain and drown it in your dedication to help. It doesn't feel like it now, but he did you a favor by walking away. If he was that flaky that he could go from wanting forever to leaving you forever, he has no place in the future that you are building. You are going to meet loads of new people and have so many opportunities to put yourself out there. Embrace it!

As for your living situation, how is your relationship with mom or dad? Perhaps you could stay with one of them for now and you can provide each other a companion?

Specializes in ICU.
But what if a man or a woman has a an intense committed relationship with a woman and that relationship goes awry?

Should one then "never ever ever let a (woman) determine what you are capable of achieving in this life"?

Perhaps the concept needs not be gender specific and should read "never ever, ever allow another to determine what you are capable of achieving in this life".

Yeah, #NotAllMen, whatever.

Specializes in Case manager, UR.
I will give you the advice I've given other women on this board, women in my real life, and advice I've had to learn the hard way myself:

Never, ever, ever let a man determine or limit what you are capable of achieving in this life.

Wish I could give this post at least 100 likes!

Specializes in Case manager, UR.
Thank you for everyone's words of support and understanding. Your words honestly did make me feel better and feel like it will be okay eventually. Hugs to all of you who have gone through similar or worse experiences... You are all so strong and I hope to get to that point someday

Just consider the grief you feel about the breakup like a temporary sickness. You know it will pass in time. It's like having the stomach flu. Really sucks while it's happening but it won't last forever. Hang in there! :)

Specializes in NICU.

So sorry ,sounds like you have bumped into one of those BPD narcissistic lost souls.Their style is to discard you like they never knew you.

Deal with it by doing great in school, graduating ,being the best nurse you can be.Seek some short term counseling if you must but dont look back ,keep going forward.

Specializes in Case Manager/Administrator.

Awe hugs to you.

Life challenges you. Please keep in mind where you are today, what you have been through to get where you are. Being alone is not fun but the grass is greener on the other side too. I have been married for over 30 years and many times I have never felt so alone when my spouse was deployed.

I have learned that work can be very therapeutic. School can be very therapeutic. Occupying your mind while going through issues can be a positive. Focus on your studies and fall apart when you are home. Know that life does go on and maybe in the future you will look back and think wow he did me a favor by leaving. It just takes some time give yourself some grace.

Specializes in med surg.

Do not quit school!! When I got in, it was a one time shot, I was picked on the lottery at my local community college, first try. I had to go for it. I was a single mom, fiance walked on on us, and had just lost my dad to cancer. Nursing school honestly was the best distraction from all of that. focus on school, get through it. You will eventually be in a better place. I am truly sorry you are grieving and I hope my words did not come off as harsh, but quitting school, in my opinion would not benefit you in the long run. Best of luck to you, and Prayers.

I experienced a very similar situation during nursing school. It ended up probably being the best thing that could have happened. I ended up with better grades because I was able to put more time into my studies. Flash forward almost 20 years later, I'm a happily married mom and registered nurse. I heard from a friend of a friend that he's working as a convenience store cashier so it was for the best. It's definitely hard when you're going through it, but it will get better.

I'm so sorry. I've never had my heart broken, but I've been in some pretty low places where I wasn't sure I could make it through the day. The best thing to do-- the only thing, really-- is to take it one day at a time.

Take the next few weeks to mourn this loss. Practice some self-care. Take a bubble bath, go for a long walk in nature, sit on your couch in your pajamas and watch bad TV. Whatever you need to do, do it. And then throw yourself head-first into your studies. School will be a welcome distraction.

Take care of yourself, ok? It may not seem like it now, but this will get better.

Specializes in CMSRN, hospice.

The details were different, but my ex and I parted after a tumultuous relationship when I was in my second semester of nursing school. I don't know how I didn't totally lose it, but I got through my classes with Bs and a couple As. The distraction was welcome, and the friends I made in school got me through the really bad days. It was busy enough to keep me going, but I found I still had (a little) time to wallow in my feelings if I really needed to for an hour or two. All this to say, you CAN get through this. It's awful at first, for sure, but you're going to be okay.

Everyone has given some great advice so far. I can add the following:

-Nursing professors have a reputation for being tough and unsympathetic, and some are. However, many are very compassionate and understanding (good qualities in a nurse, lol). One of mine saw I was struggling and asked if I needed a little slack in the deadline for a paper. Ask for what you need if things are getting really bad, and then use that to get yourself back on track.

-Check in with your school's counseling center. I know a few therapy sessions really helped me in the months after my breakup. The office may also have some practical resources to help you figure out housing.

-I know that for me, it was important not to see my ex for a while after we broke up. I made the mistake of giving in during my last semester and it was very distracting and confusing. Your mileage may vary, but I would recommend not going there, should he have an "oh, ****" realization and want back into your life. If that's going to happen, it needs to be further down the line, after you know how amazing and strong you are on your own and can balance that with what you know about him.

I feel for you, girl. This is a tough thing and I'm sorry you're going through it. (It's incredible to me how many of us have had this happen right before or during school! Yeesh!). It sucks right now, but I think you are going to be so proud of yourself as you go through classes and become a nurse. It is a truly awesome transformation to witness in yourself, and it feels like you can do anything as you overcome the hurdles of nursing school.

I am sorry that you are going through this its a lot at 1 time. Thank him for not wasting anymore of your time, like you said you have already invested 3 years and thought he was the one. understand your pain and its a hard life lesson to learn about relationships, but its also a learning experience. Time to buckle down and focus on yourself. Everything might be a blessing in disguise especially if you are able to move back in with parents, save money and focus on school. Nursing school is hard and now all you need to focus on his your end goal. HE WILL REALIZE HIS MISTAKE, and by the YOU WILL SEE YOUR WORTH and he won't be worth your time.

Specializes in LTC.

Your ex sounds like a total dillhole!

I really think you should get all of your issues sorted out before attempting to go back to school. Can you put off classes for a semester? Nursing school is already stressful enough by itself, and with all the things you're going through right now that would be like throwing gasoline on the fire. Some people can deal with stress like that and go through a nursing program but not everybody can, and there's no shame in needing a few months to get yourself in a better place emotionally. Only you know yourself.

Take care of yourself first!

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