Boyfriend wants me to stay away

Nurses COVID

Published

Looking for advice. My boyfriend is terrified of getting the Coronavirus and therefore has told me that he doesn’t want to see me until this blows over. I work inpatient, my hospital has covid patients but I am not directly caring for them. I can’t help but be hurt- I tried seeing him and stopping by his house but he’s hesitating. Doesn’t he know this is an incredibly difficult time for me? Is anyone else dealing with this?

Specializes in PCU, cardiology.
1 hour ago, GrumpyRN said:

Right, because the virus doesn't survive on the door handles or other surfaces. :no:

(The new coronavirus can survive on hard surfaces such as plastic and stainless steel for up to 72 hours and on cardboard for up to 24 hours.)

I get that you are upset but you should understand social distancing, it appears your boyfriend does. What happened to Skype or face-time or just a good old fashioned phone call?

The sass is uncalled for. Why does he have to touch the car???? Wrong of you to assume. Social distancing includes staying 6 feet away from someone. Which is perfectly acceptable in my situation.

4 Votes
Specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU.
21 minutes ago, LauRN3367 said:

The sass is uncalled for. Why does he have to touch the car???? Wrong of you to assume. Social distancing includes staying 6 feet away from someone. Which is perfectly acceptable in my situation.

He doesn’t have to touch it to contaminate it, which I believe was GrumpyRN’s point.

I think you and your boyfriend need to have a conversation about expectations and needs, because it sounds like there is a big disconnect there that has nothing to do with the current pandemic.

5 Votes
Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.

Well, there's a reason he's your boyfriend and not your husband or domestic partner. Dating is all about gathering information.

This pandemic gave you the opportunity to gather more information about him. Maybe there are elderly people in his life that he wants to protect. He gets marks for that. But then he can come up with creative little gestures for helping you feel cared for and supported. Sounds like he's flunking that.

Now you have a bit more to go on when deciding if he's the one to make long term plans with. Unfortunately that leaves you high and dry at the moment when a little support would have gone a long way. Hang in there.

10 Votes
Specializes in PeriOp, ICU, PICU, NICU.

Sorry, but how old are you? If this is what is troubling you in this age and time, then you have first world problems. He is telling you he wants to social distance and wants to be alone. Respect that whether he is quality boyfriend material or not.

3 Votes
Specializes in Critical Care.

I understand it’s a difficult time for you. Respect his boundaries. He’s not being unreasonable.

2 Votes
Specializes in PCU, cardiology.
16 minutes ago, TriciaJ said:

Well, there's a reason he's your boyfriend and not your husband or domestic partner. Dating is all about gathering information.

This pandemic gave you the opportunity to gather more information about him. Maybe there are elderly people in his life that he wants to protect. He gets marks for that. But then he can come up with creative little gestures for helping you feel cared for and supported. Sounds like he's flunking that.

Now you have a bit more to go on when deciding if he's the one to make long term plans with. Unfortunately that leaves you high and dry at the moment when a little support would have gone a long way. Hang in there.

Correct, the gesture aspect of this is what will get us through if we cannot have physical touch- who knows how long the social distancing will go on for. Going to have to get creative. Thank you TriciaJ.

6 minutes ago, headofcurls said:

I understand it’s a difficult time for you. Respect his boundaries. He’s not being unreasonable.

I respect him not wanting to spend time with me, hanging out inside, watching a movie, eating together, having a drink etc... didn't know that asking to drive by and see him while maintaining social distance would get so many people on this post fired up---jeesh.

2 Votes
Specializes in PCU, cardiology.
20 minutes ago, RosesrReder said:

Sorry, but how old are you? If this is what is troubling you in this age and time, then you have first world problems. He is telling you he wants to social distance and wants to be alone. Respect that whether he is quality boyfriend material or not.

Why does it matter how old I am? This is a relationship that matters to me and I respect myself enough to know what I deserve at the same time. It is not first world problems to be figuring out who I want to spend the rest of my life with, and determining if I believe that person is supportive of me or not. I do respect his decision, however I feel that he is being over the top not even letting me see him in person while following social distancing etiquette.

3 Votes

I feel like emotions are too high for a good conversation with him about this. Maybe not. Ultimately though, the info you need from him is- what would he do if you were married or living together? Would he not let you come home? Social distancing is important but so is support and solidarity from your partner. I'll be distraught if I bring this home to my husband but we both know we're in this together. Of course I'll take reasonable precautions but I'm not moving out for the duration nor does he expect me to. I hope I make sense. Hugs to you!

5 Votes
Specializes in PCU, cardiology.
2 minutes ago, CampyCamp said:

I feel like emotions are too high for a good conversation with him about this. Maybe not. Ultimately though, the info you need from him is- what would he do if you were married or living together? Would he not let you come home? Social distancing is important but so is support and solidarity from your partner. I'll be distraught if I bring this home to my husband but we both know we're in this together. Of course I'll take reasonable precautions but I'm not moving out for the duration nor does he expect me to. I hope I make sense. Hugs to you!

This makes perfect sense to me, and is exactly where I am coming from. This is my job, one that I am very passionate about- if he cannot accept that I might be exposed to things (this will not be the last scare of my career, I am sure) and support me when I need it, this is a huge deal breaker. Thank you for understanding where I am coming from CampyCamp.

8 Votes
Specializes in PeriOp, ICU, PICU, NICU.
45 minutes ago, LauRN3367 said:

Why does it matter how old I am? This is a relationship that matters to me and I respect myself enough to know what I deserve at the same time. It is not first world problems to be figuring out who I want to spend the rest of my life with, and determining if I believe that person is supportive of me or not. I do respect his decision, however I feel that he is being over the top not even letting me see him in person while following social distancing etiquette.

.....Because you sound like a teenager and responses will vary accordingly. If you do not like all types of feedback then don't post in a public forum.

The general consensus is that you need to respect what he wants. He is not obligated to do anything as your boyfriend no matter how unreasonable you think this may be.

Whining and "sheeshing" people makes me further want to side with him and can't say I blame him. Maybe he is not social distancing solely due to fear of contracting Covid19 (your version)? Would be interesting to listen to his version as maybe he just needs a break from you in general. Who knows.

2 Votes
Specializes in Med-Surg.

Some of you are really okay with your significant other avoiding you? What if you got sick and needed help? Who would be there for you? I’m very surprised. I have even asked my boyfriend to come and stay if either one of us has to be quarantined. Isn’t your partner supposed to be in it with you together?

6 Votes
Specializes in PeriOp, ICU, PICU, NICU.
1 minute ago, mimibrown said:

Some of you are really okay with your significant other avoiding you? What if you got sick and needed help? Who would be there for you? I’m very surprised. I have even asked my boyfriend to come and stay if either one of us has to be quarantined. Isn’t your partner supposed to be in it with you together?

You can't control what other people want and you can't make them. Respect that and reevaluate your relationship. This is not about being okay with avoiding you or not. Also, boyfriend to husband........big difference. One has already bought the goods and is not still shopping around. He is giving her a preview of what is to come IF and when he decides to advance from the dating stage. It is up to her to read into it or not. In the end, I would always advice to respect what others are asking you to do and move on. This too shall pass and I bet the OP and her BF will be happily ever after.

1 Votes
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