So I asked my mother if she could co-sign on a loan with me today because she has great credit and because I just got an e-bill in the mail yesterday saying that I still owe the school $5,234 for my tuition and fees. It was a pretty big surprise and a setback for me because I thought that my two scholarships would covered it all.
Nope, I'm in the hole. But long story short my mother told me she will absolutely not co-sign on a student loan with me because it will garnish all her wages and she doesn't want to go into college debt for me. And I have no one else to ask in my family because my grandmother has bad credit and my father is not in my life to ask him.
I don't have a job and never had one before, so I'm just freaking out now on what should I do.
My mother has always been this way( she didn't even want to fill out the fafsa for me because she didn't want them having her SSN). I tried joining NROTC a year ago when I was still in HS so they can give me a really great scholarship, but my mother wouldn't allow that either. I couldn't even get a job because my mother had let my driver's permit expire so I wasn't able to obtain a car to get to work everyday, even though I had about 3 job offers at the time.
Now I'm afraid she's trying to take away my future of becoming a nurse as well. She even suggested for me to wait until I'm 24 when I can become independent to apply for the fafsa or just go get a bachelors in early education and wait to become a nurse. But I don't want to wait.
What should I do?
(I'm sorry for my long post and me renting as well).
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
We have a college fund set up for our son but I will still expect stellar grades from him. I also will have him apply for scholarships. I will help him, of course, but once he turns 18 he's an adult. I will also expect him to get a job when he's able to. He will always be my baby, but he needs to be a functioning member of society.
Wow, surprised to see how many people think this situation is okay. I don't understand why people have children if they don't want to support them and help them be in a better situation than they had growing up. Also I learned in prior sociology classes that this way of thinking is common in lower socioeconomic classes....one reason why upward social mobility is harder. Just because something bad happened to us as children doesn't mean it was okay, and should be repeated.
I think there are a fair amount posting who don't necessarily think this is "okay," but believe that blaming and finger pointing and being upset is not going to get her anywhere. I think her mother is being patently unfair to not provide the information for the FAFSA (though it's possible she doesn't understand it doesn't commit her to anything). However, it is what it is. These are the cards the OP has been dealt; whether or not it is "fair" is irrelevant at this point.
I agree with those who say DO NOT PAY $16K for LPN education.
It sounds like the OP actually may have enough money to pay for her education, she just didn't understand the bill she received, which hadn't yet had her scholarships and grants applied.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
I don't understand why people have children if they don't want to support them and help them be in a better situation than they had growing up.
People have children for a variety of reasons. Some people want to see their bloodline and family surname persist for generations to come. Other people have children for reasons that are purely emotional.
However, many people fail to understand that, from a biological standpoint, we exist to reproduce. We do not exist to earn college degrees, buy houses, drive cars, flaunt jewelry, or engage in modern-day consumerism. Our reproductive organs are evidence that we are here to ensure the human race continues to exist.
By the way, I do not have children, nor do I want them. However, I am just telling it as I see it. A college education is not an entitlement or rite of passage for the majority of the world's population. Rather, the importance of college has been inflated by the professional middle class in this country, and many of its members place enough blind faith in its value to accrue a lifetime of student loan debt for a product with questionable return on investment.
The college degree isn't going to hug you on your deathbed. The comfortable salary isn't going to provide companionship in old age. The professional career isn't going to keep you warm at night. Peoples' offspring will provide these things.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Yes, I did do the fafsa and I only got 2,500 because my mom refused to fill it out.
And I just feel as though I should be entitled to a lot of things from my mom because I chose to stay home away from my attended college to watch her kids for her. And that was a huge sacrifice for me so I think she should at least show some support for me. I don't pay any bills and my mother did tell me if I do find a job that I wouldn't need to pay anything to live there, but I still feel like it's her fault why I don't have a job now so it's no point.
Entitled. Now there's an ugly word.
You CHOSE to stay away from college to watch your siblings for your mother. If you thought it was a tremendous sacrifice, you and your mother should have discussed ahead of time what "things" you were to get in return.
Guess what -- your mother IS supporting you. You aren't paying any bills, so she must be. That's what support is. "Support" doesn't mean you get whatever you want at the expense of others.
I must agree with the "gist" of the group above.....Do you consider yourself simply a "bystander" in this whole sceniero?
The Only person stopping you....is YOURSELF!
My father had 3 Master's degrees and 3-4 jobs all the time we were growing up.
He encouraged me to go to college, but told me I'd have to "earn my way through" just like he did so I'd know the value of a dollar.
W/O a car, I walked, used a bicycle, bought a small scooter, then a used car to get to my jobs...including being a "Garbage Man" on the side of one of those nasty city garbage trucks and throwing the town paper in the mornings and working in a butcher shop in the evenings!
Boy was I really motivated to go back to school ASAP! I was 28 years old when I finally decided to "make it happen" and go back to school to be an RN.
I realized that I was where I was, physicially and financially because of what I had "settled for" and not taken hold of the reigns of my own life at the time!
There are Five kinds of people:
Those who "Watch things happen"
Those who "Wonder what happened"
Those who "Blame others for what happens"
Those who "Don't know anything is happening"
Those who "Make Things Happen!"
Choose which one YOU are going to BE....and then GO live the life you've always dreamed of!!
KATHftf, many of the comments here are a bit harsh. I also had unsupportive parents - to put it mildly.
Go to the financial aid office at your school and find out if there are any options for you to claim independent on the FAFSA. Request a professional judgment review, explain your situation and the refusal of your mother to give the information. Keep asking, don't give up and talk to any one that will listen. Also, ask them, or research, grants that may be available to you. I got a grant from a local organization just because I was the only one that applied - no kidding - and all I had to do was a 500 word essay.
You might also think about going to, or calling, your County's legal aid office and request assistance to file for emancipation. If you are granted emancipation, and since you are so close to being 18, the judge would probably grant it, then you do not need her information and you can be independent on the FAFSA. Then you can get enough in loans and grants to live on your own and study hard!
Most importantly, don't give up... BTW, becoming a nurse was one of the best decisions I have made in my life. Keep going... you will get there. Persist, persist, persist.
Don't give up whatever you do. My parents said I was on my own paying for college, and it really discouraged me from going to college. Which has hurt me for years I went back when I was 26, and failure is not an option for me at this point. I regret every day not pursuing this 8 years ago. If its an option think about going the ADN route first then going for the BSN after. Its a lot cheaper, you get to work quicker, and you might be able to get some one help pay for the BSN. Its harder if you are working while going to school, but more economical. I don't know what your options are, but that is what I am doing. I wish I had done it 8 years ago, but I was afraid of the debt, and even now I am trying to minimize my debt by going through an ADN program first. Also if your grades are good you might want to look into getting an embedded tutoring position they usually love hiring students.
I will say this however in the meantime I built a great credit score. So I am able to find the loans I need. So don't think its over if you want to be a nurse you can do it. I believed for years school was just not an option for me. It took years of hard work to change my mind. I actually ended up cosigning on a loan on the mortgage for my mother because my credit score was better than hers. I also lent her 5000 dollars in return she is letting me live there for free while I go to school, and pay me back when I need tuition till she has paid it back. My father left when I was 15, and my family really suffered for it. My sister works two jobs just to pay for her school. I also felt like I was entitled to more, but my mother got a free ride to the university of Chicago and couldn't go because her father was dying. As my mother likes to say life isn't fair, but that doesn't mean you have to give up on your dreams. You have your whole life ahead of you don't give up. If you don't ask you don't get. Be perseverant, and you will be a nurse in time if you really want it.
The word, "teenager" didn't exist for most of history; it started to come into fashion in the 1920's and didn't take a foothold until after World War II. Prior to the secular invention of this word, a person fit into one of two major categories: child or adult. Yes, parents took care of their children, and it is their responsibility including education until they were an adult. While the transition from child to adult varied based on maturity levels, 12 to 14 were common years of one becoming an adult who was expected to either co-contribute to and for the family unit or be able to be on their own; either way, they were expected to be self-sufficient.
Prior to 2010, one might be referred to as a young adult starting as early as age 16 and was considered an adult after graduating high school, typically at age 18. And sadly, it is in the late 1990's to present where silly people in society are responsible for creating the entitlement generation†because (in part) they have completely lost track of all the lessons society has learned prior to World War II.
No, mom didn't cause the driver permit expiration problem; letting one's permit expire is the responsibility of the person's whose name is on the permit. If your name is on the permit, license, insurance card, credit card, etc., then it is your responsibility to deal with every issue that arises from it.
No, parents are not responsible for education past K12 via homeschooling or the public school system. No, parents do not have any responsibility / requirement to buy anyone but themselves a vehicle, pay or contribute towards car insurance, gasoline, vehicle upkeep, etc.
Everyone living has problems, road blocks, issues, etc. Part of growing up and being an adult is taking personal responsibility and working through all of those things. Yes, do ask for help. Yes, remember almost any question is a good question. Be realistic in understanding it is no one's job to help, answer, etc. (societal picture vs. nitty gritty).
There is a big difference between paying for your child's education and hindering them from getting things on their own like I don't know saddling them with your kids to raise
Some of these posts are from people that have completely misunderstood the OP's situation. The OP has never stated that she expected her mother to help her financially. She simply wants what millions of other students in this country get to have which is an opportunity to finance her education whether via scholarships (which she already has one for good grades for 8K and which says a lot about what kind of student she is) or access to loans and grants via FAFSA. The truth is that she is ENTITLED to these financial opportunities just like any other student in the country is. The fact that her mother is her biggest obstacle in accessing these opportunities is unjust and terrible, and an obvious attempt to hijack her education and her future.
Those of you who are talking high and mighty about your own experiences and struggles and how you made it through everything, and how it made you stronger, etc,... well, we all have stories, but that is not the point. This young woman deserves the same opportunity that millions of other students get. It is as simple as that.
OP, PM me and I will help you in every way I can. My last career was as a paralegal so I can help you navigate the legal system if you decide to go the emancipation route. It is not that difficult to do. As far as the financial aid stuff, there might be other ways to do it as well.
Also, as far as getting a job as a CNA or go the LVN route, please ignore that advice. To get a CNA certificate, you will need money and time that you do not have or want to invest; to go the LVN, well - sadly - LVNs don't have that many opportunities for employment as they once did. If you want a job while in school, concentrate on your studies your first semester and get excellent grades, once you finish your Fundamentals of Nursing class, you will qualify to work as a nurse tech, patient care assistant, patient care technician or whatever each hospital calls it but they are all the same job. Most hospitals will hire you in that capacity after you have your first semester out of the way. I did it. I was the first in my cohort to do it at a pediatric cancer center and because they were aware that I was a student, they were extremely flexible with my hours and shifts. I was also the first one in my cohort to get a job as an RN, even before I took the NCLEX, because I was already in the hospital system. Look at any job posting and you will see the requirements for those type of jobs and BTW, they pay well. It is also a great opportunity to be in it and see if this is the career and the environment you want to dedicate to for the next few years or decades.
Here is an example of a Patient Care Technician's requirements at Orlando Health in Orlando Florida but you can search in any other hospital and look at the postings... : "current nursing student who has completed one semester of clinical rotation," or...
I think it's wrong to judge the mother, we don't know all the facts. It could be her mom is just a terrible person attempting to try and keep her from accomplishing her goals for some selfish reason, but it could also be that the mother has a good reason we're not privy too. For example maybe this teen is really bright and had some opportunity she declined or failed to pursue because she thought to take the easier, softer, faster route and just borrow from the feds which as an American citizen is her god given right entitlement don't you know.
Perhaps her mother feels she could have avoided taking on debt altogether had her daughter only applied for more merit based awards, considered some of the other many debt free option ways to finance and pursue her education. Or maybe it's not even about money... Maybe her mother has other unselfish reasons for making the decision she has point is we just can't know and without all the facts I don't think the best thing we can be doing here to help is to pity the supposed victim†and continue to bash the mother, make wide sweeping judgements, assumptions about her character.
Bottom line as long as the teen is a minor her mother is well within her rights to decide whether she can or cannot attend college, can or cannot drive a car, should or should not take on a sizeable amount of debt for any purpose reason whatsoever, and so on and so forth. What's more even after she is 18 years old so long as she continues to live under her parent's roof they have the right to forbid her to do anything they believe for whatever reason is not in her best interests and for all we know there very well may be some valid reasons why he mother does not at this point believe what her daughter is attempting/planning for herself is in her best interests.
What if this teen comes from a very religious home and could attend a religious college at no cost to her, entirely at her parent's expense but wants to go to a liberal school where values the parents do not approve of, agree with will certainly be flouted – should they be forced to pay for their child's little foray into hedonism? Should they be obligated to provide their financial information so she can use it to make what they believe is a poor choice, even immoral decision? Currently the law says students must provide their parents information when they apply for financial aid, however I'm not aware of any laws that make it illegal for parents to refuse to provide it.
As for whether or not to pursue a CNA or LPN, while I don't think it would be wise as a stopping point there is no reason why a person who is worried about money shouldn't attempt to achieve those certifications along the way as they work their way towards becoming an RN. In fact more and more nursing schools are refusing to admit students into nursing programs either LPN or RN who don't have at least some experience working as a n aide or at least volunteering in some type of healthcare setting in some capacity.
Many LPN programs that do admit students without such experience have a component where first quarter LPN students learn all they know to get their CNA and many LPN students work as aides on weekends and holidays while pursuing their LPN. Most RN programs in this country teach students all they need to know to get their LPN after the first year of the RN program. Many schools offer LPN to RN bridge programs. It is easier to pursue an RN if you don't have to work but if you have to work it can be done.
While it's true an LPN is not going to give a person the same options as an RN it's still a lot better to be a new LPN capable of earning in 16-20 dollar an hour range working in a nursing home, correctional facility, or VA on weekends and holidays while pursuing an RN than slaving away at some at some McJob at minimum wage, for nine dollars and some odd cents an hour. No one is suggesting she shouldn't pursue an RN. However if money is an issue it is entirely possible for a young person to go to school and become an LPN entirely free and then use that as a stepping stone to get there. People are just pointing out that there are options and if you really want to attend college taking out loans is only one of many, many, ways to get there.
If this teen really has it all that bad she could right now leave and go to Job Corp. Or she'll be 18 shortly she can join the delayed enlistment program enter any branch of the military she wants to right now and they will accept her into the service guaranteed contingent upon her finishing high school. If she's smart and does well on her ASVAB she can be a hospital corpsman and get both an A and a C school guaranteed to her in writing upfront before she even ships off for basic with a six year enlistment if she goes Navy. Or she could apply for a National Health Service scholarship if she's truly an exceptional student her grades are high. For every year they pay for her books and tuition she would have to agree to serve a year working in an underprivileged area but she could graduate with a four year degree and owe little to nothing. There are a lot of options and that's all people are trying to say – she has options.
OrganizedChaos, LVN
1 Article; 6,883 Posts
We have a college fund set up for our son but I will still expect stellar grades from him. I also will have him apply for scholarships. I will help him, of course, but once he turns 18 he's an adult. I will also expect him to get a job when he's able to. He will always be my baby, but he needs to be a functioning member of society.
Lol. My son is only 13 months.