So I asked my mother if she could co-sign on a loan with me today because she has great credit and because I just got an e-bill in the mail yesterday saying that I still owe the school $5,234 for my tuition and fees. It was a pretty big surprise and a setback for me because I thought that my two scholarships would covered it all.
Nope, I'm in the hole. But long story short my mother told me she will absolutely not co-sign on a student loan with me because it will garnish all her wages and she doesn't want to go into college debt for me. And I have no one else to ask in my family because my grandmother has bad credit and my father is not in my life to ask him.
I don't have a job and never had one before, so I'm just freaking out now on what should I do.
My mother has always been this way( she didn't even want to fill out the fafsa for me because she didn't want them having her SSN). I tried joining NROTC a year ago when I was still in HS so they can give me a really great scholarship, but my mother wouldn't allow that either. I couldn't even get a job because my mother had let my driver's permit expire so I wasn't able to obtain a car to get to work everyday, even though I had about 3 job offers at the time.
Now I'm afraid she's trying to take away my future of becoming a nurse as well. She even suggested for me to wait until I'm 24 when I can become independent to apply for the fafsa or just go get a bachelors in early education and wait to become a nurse. But I don't want to wait.
What should I do?
(I'm sorry for my long post and me renting as well).
Well it seems you need to find away around your mom as she will keep you from being independent. You will be stuck depending on her in the future. Is that what you want. Fyi...only tell your mom information on a as needed basis. Don't tell her everything about your plans. If you can find someone else to trust and help you, it may be in your best interest.
Get a part time job. If need be, put off nursing school to get the money first and work full time. If you have to wait until you're 18, so be it. It's not that far off. Obstacles and postponements don't mean your dreams are lost.
You say "she's trying to take it away from me" and that sounds like you have a sense of entitlement from her. She's not taking anything from you by not being a co-signer. She's not obligated to do that and you have no cause to be hostile toward her.
Well it seems you need to find away around your mom as she will keep you from being independent. You will be stuck depending on her in the future. Is that what you want. Fyi...only tell your mom information on a as needed basis. Don't tell her everything about your plans. If you can find someone else to trust and help you, it may be in your best interest.
What? The mother doesn't want her dependent on her. It's something she can take care of herself and she needs to do so.
No offense but at thirty-nine, you should have your crap together and be financially independent. The OP is seventeen and her mother is hindering her from bettering herself. She should not be expected to watch her three younger siblings four straight days in a row...she is a child herself.
No she doesn't need to cosign, but the least she could do is fill out the fafsa so her daughter can get the loans she needs to get an education.
I also don't understand this mentality of making your kids have a tougher life if one can help out without it being a strain and the child is appreciative and doing well in school. I am of the personal belief that parents should want a better life for their children and not make them struggle just to satisfy the parent's need to "teach them youngins a lesson."
You need to stop blaming your mother. You are not entitled to anything you seem to think you are. You're mother does not need to co-sign anything. Guess what happens if you default? Her credit that took her years to build is finished. Then they garnish her wages. It takes years to build good credit, and one bad decision to ruin it. Employers check credit now. Is it really fair for you to ask her to do this? No.
Welcome to life. Your mom is doing you a favor by trying to get you to stand on your own two feet. My parents did it for me and I am forever indebted to them for it. I graduated at 17, moved out on my own at 18. I was responsible once I turned 16 for paying for all of my expenses. I paid for my first car, my insurance, all of my miscellaneous such as clothes and gas.
Get your drivers license, and get a job. The expired permit falls on you. If this is your "dream", you will find a way to make it happen.
At 39, I am financially independent. I take care of me and my son. I own my car and home outright. When I was married, I owned three cars, 2 main homes, and several rentals outright. I have no debt at all. I'm having some extensive dental work done which I can thankfully pay for. I learned how to save and work at a young age.
Be thankful. The only things you are entitled to as a minor is food, clothing, and shelter. The rest is a privilege. Your schooling up until now was a right. Your mom is teaching you some excellent life lessons, and I commend her. Hopefully, I can be as strong as her with my son.
The $800 for CNA is not bad, but $16000 for LPN is too much. My ADN program was about $11000, including prereqs, fees, books, etc. It also had the option to exit the program after the first yr as an LPN (& half the cost).
No offense but at thirty-nine, you should have your crap together and be financially independent. The OP is seventeen and her mother is hindering her from bettering herself. She should not be expected to watch her three younger siblings four straight days in a row...she is a child herself.
I don't see why not wanting to take an unnecessary credit risk is hindering someone, especially when there are other children in the home.
I thought it was easy to get a college loan even with bad credit...don't scare me ha. I know with my F.A. only $10,000. With work maybe $5,000 if I keep and can go full time with work. The program is $30,000...so I am banking on loans for the $10,000 to $15,000 left over for the program.
Not necessarily...many educated middle-class people believe that parents are responsible for funding their children's college educations. On the other hand, many parents from lower rungs of the economic ladder have a different worldview and do not view higher education in the same light as those in the professional middle class.
I've told my story multiple times on these forums...I am a first-generation college graduate, but had to travel through the School of Hard Knocks to get to that point. I was accepted to three universities during my senior year of high school, but my parents refused to provide their financial information for the FAFSA. They figured that since they got through life without college, that I didn't need a college education either.
My parents came of age in the 1970s when a young person could get a job right out of high school that could support a family. By the time I graduated high school in the late 1990s, those days of good entry-level jobs were gone forever. However, their old-school mindset still persisted in the face of an economic landscape that had changed forever.
Was I resentful and bitter for not being able to attend college at age 18 while my classmates were sent off to universities that summer? Heck yes. I remained sullen about the situation for many years. However, I now realize that higher education is not an entitlement, nor is it a rite of passage that every young person undergoes. I attended a high school in a working-class area where only 8 percent of all graduates went off to college. The rest either joined the military, entered the low-wage workforce, became housewives, or lived with their parents well into their 30s.
We all have personal values and beliefs, but they are not superior to those held by the middle-aged guy with limited education who thinks his teenaged son might be better served by an apprenticeship or military service than four years of college.
This was 1 point, and the OP has a lot more issues going on with her mother but lets discuss the education part further because you are correct this way of thinking isn't predominant in all classes in our nation and has devastating effects on individuals, communities and the future of our country.
(1) Parents are absolutely responsible for the education of their children as evidenced by the fact that compulsory schooling laws exist in every state and parents experience legal action if their children are absent from school too much. The legal obligation doesn't include higher education, but the moral obligation does. College education may not be an entitlement but as nurses, our code of ethics states that health is a basic right, and education and health are linked; which brings me to my next point (2) This isn't about a superior worldview or belief system. It is about taking responsibility for your own actions (having children). Many world views have negative health consequences (Unnatural Causes a series on PBS is a series that discusses this). For instance, low education is linked to poor health, more stress and lower self-confidence (WHO | The determinants of health...... (3) Not supporting education (supporting btw is more than just financial, it includes emotional and providing an environment conducive to learning) perpetuates the cycle of poverty and contributes to social problems that impact everyone and increases health disparities. This doesn't mean completely funding a 4 yr. degree, or sanctioning passive learning. It does mean providing your child with the tools and life skills they will need to succeed. In today's world, as you said the days of getting a "good entry level job" right out of high school are gone forever. This means higher education is needed, whether it be an Associates, Vocational Training, or entrepeneurship. All of these are honorable choices and will provide a person the ability to achieve dignity, independence and contribute positively to society.
About me: I grew up very poor, had no support from my parents to go to college and most of the people I knew as a child are dead (OD), in jail, unemployed or involved in illegal activity. Before college I attained certificates in Personal Training and as a Health Coach. I've been all over the world and seen how many sacrifices parents (including those in lesser developed nations) make so their kid can go to college. I see the broader social context and know the value of having an education and a passion for promoting the health and well being of others...that's why I love the nursing profession :)
People have children for a variety of reasons. Some people want to see their bloodline and family surname persist for generations to come. Other people have children for reasons that are purely emotional.
However, many people fail to understand that, from a biological standpoint, we exist to reproduce. We do not exist to earn college degrees, buy houses, drive cars, flaunt jewelry, or engage in modern-day consumerism. Our reproductive organs are evidence that we are here to ensure the human race continues to exist.
By the way, I do not have children, nor do I want them. However, I am just telling it as I see it. A college education is not an entitlement or rite of passage for the majority of the world's population. Rather, the importance of college has been inflated by the professional middle class in this country, and many of its members place enough blind faith in its value to accrue a lifetime of student loan debt for a product with questionable return on investment.
The college degree isn't going to hug you on your deathbed. The comfortable salary isn't going to provide companionship in old age. The professional career isn't going to keep you warm at night. Peoples' offspring will provide these things.
Parenting is about sacrificing your needs for another and is a huge responsibility.
I think most people are aware of the biological theories of reproduction. Modern society requires us to buy houses and cars since we are no longer a subsistence economy. Flaunting jewelry and other things money can buy are status symbols that Evolutionary psychologist believe increase the likelihood of finding a partner thus reproducing.
Many countries provide financial assistance to citizens that want to go to college and many families make enormous sacrifices to support education. I do agree college in this nation has become a business but some say there are those that wish to keep the lower class ignorant to maintain the status quo
A low education is associated with poorer health and a shorter life, so it may not hug you, but will keep you away from the deathbed for longer, and give you the resources needed to plan for that time. No guarantee children will provide companionship in older age either. Ever notice how many nursing homes are around? I spent some time working there and many residents had children that never or rarely visited and they died in the presence of nurses and CNA's (bless their hearts).
It is a bit troubling to hear the bitterness about higher education; it does little to advance nursing which has struggled to gain identity as a profession, which by definition includes a process of formal education. I wonder what other established professions like doctors, lawyers, and engineers would say about this issue?
17 is still a kid, sorry, but that's beside the point. If you think its affordable in this day and age to go to college on low wage work - you're seriously, seriously ignorant. It is not "entitlement" to expect parents to help with college costs - the government expects it when they determine aid. I suggest you educate yourself on how much college actually costs and how financial aid actually works.
I'm currently in RN school; I'm well aware of the cost of education and how financial aid works especially at age 52 having raised children. Sadly, you make a lot of assumptions of what people know or don't know. For a user with "RN" in their title I guess I'm surprised at the level of assumptions.
Parent's have zero obligations to help with college. 17 is only a kid in extremely recent history; and those that baby 17 year olds as if they are incapable of being responsible only help sustain the entitlement and "me" generation.
Sounds like you need to learn more responsibility since only you can allow your license to expire not your mother and I don't blame your mother for not wanting to co sign. She has good credit because she cares about it and they know already not to co sign.
As an LPN instructor I feel I need to put my 2 cents in! No 16,000 is not too much for a 12 month LPN program! It may not be for everyone, you can get an RN for less money, but it is a track that some people prefer. The difference is that we accept people with a high school diploma, who haven't taken any prerequisite classes. You are out of the program and able to work in 1 year. The local community college that students can attend has students routinely attending for 4 years to get an ASN. Often people cannot afford to save the money and get a cheaper RN by being a full time student for 4 years. the wage difference in this area is about 6 dollars an hour, so many of our grads bridge into the RN program where some of the prerecs are waived because of experience. They then spend about 2 1/2 years getting an RN (including LPN school) and earning above the median household income for our area while doing it! This is not the path I chose, but I did not have to support a family as quickly as possible. Our students are often overcoming significant personal barriers, working and going to nursing school. If people research, LPN school is more expensive for a couple of reasons, it is year around. Our students actually get a similar amount of instruction and clinical time in one year as the RN students in 2 years. We have a 8 hour a day program 5 days a week. No month off at Christmas or 3 months off for summer. Our tuition includes uniforms, books, insurance, state boards and license fees. So stop knocking the LPN!!! You don't want to pass meds at a nursing home do you?
Iknowwha2du
91 Posts
Well it seems you need to find away around your mom as she will keep you from being independent. You will be stuck depending on her in the future. Is that what you want. Fyi...only tell your mom information on a as needed basis. Don't tell her everything about your plans. If you can find someone else to trust and help you, it may be in your best interest.