baby sleeping in same bed as parents

[SaderNurse05]

Someone who is related to me has a new baby. They mentioned by the way the baby has slept in their bed with them every night for his 8 week old life. I am worried they will accidently crush the baby, not mention a host of other issues. They basically told me this is what they want to do. I need help- what do my friends at All Nurses say?? Does this fall in the category of parental decisions and butt out?

Thanks in advance

Margaret

[SaderNurse05, BSN, RN]

This looks great! I may just get them one. Who would of thunk it. Thanks Taz!

[CHATSDALE]

i was always leary of the back to sleep for a baby who spit up a lot...an slight elevation and a towel roll will keep a new born in place

we don't know enough about sids to state one way or the other...the baby that was found dead in the parents bed may have also died in a crib

no need to add to a parents grief by adding quilt

[Kiwimid]

I have four kids and have fallen asleep a couple of times with babes in arm, as you do. I stopped feeding in bed thought because on morning i had my daughter in my arms and fell asleep for a few mins, when i woke up she was slightly blue. I was So scared. But i was wearing a blue nightshirt so who knows it just could have been reflection. Anyway, New Zealand had one of the highest sids rates in the world untill we were all urged to sleep baby on its back, the rate has dropped significantly. Also we sleep our babys with their feet at the bottom, touching he end of the cot, so they cant slide/wriggle further down in the bed. Also advice is given to make sure you use only cotton sheets and wollen blankets as these dont sweat like synthetic fibers abnd help the babe regulate its temp. Another thing, which may seem to be going over the top, but a lot of ppl swear by it even myself is called a safety sleeper. It wraps around the matress and has two flaps which you wrap the baby in. What it does is keep the baby in the positon you left it. there was concern that babies would be delayed with sitting and other things but my son, who still uses it is nearly walking at 10 mnths. And hes the only one i have had it for. The child can sit roll around abit when they get bigger but it prevents them lying face first. My baby had a cold for awhile and i would put him in it and the pop a towel rolled up behind him. works for us . also stops them climbing out. And helps with flat heads.

[wannabemw]

Great thread! Nice to c everyone is willing to listen to different views! I, myself found I slept better w/baby & I also followed Dr. Sears g/l's (he saved me from going nuts 21years ago!)

Co-sleeping is a personal decision for each & every parent. I LOVE that you mentioned how impt it is to give the parent(s) info, should they make the decision to co-sleep. Personal note worth mentioning: my DH was in Saudi when our last was born & came home to a 3m old DD & we found that he bonded VERY well w/her and we attributed this to our co-sleeping. Also, she slept better from day 1 (I noted). Way better then her siblings every did. She sleeps worse now that she's a teenager. She was 3 when she went to her own bed (I insisted as she was a little heat-producer!). Tell u what co-sleeping made for more adventurous *private time* b/t DH & I (had to find new places!).

~MJ

[justme1972]

In my area they have had FOUR newborns within the last 60 days to die of rollover death....this is in one county.

I'm not a nurse, but I read alot on this subject...when you put a newborn in bed with the mother, you increase the risk of that child dying from rollover by 30%.

1%...is too much for me.

If she is having trouble parting with the baby at night, what about one of those co-sleepers that attaches to the side of the bed? That way she could have her baby right beside of her and the baby will be perfectly safe.

[mommy2boysaz]

I am an OB nurse and have been for 10 years. I work in a small community hospital with about 450 deliveries/year, and in that time, we have had 2 moms fall asleep with their babies in their beds post-partum, and the babies have fallen to the floor. These were not medicated mothers. We have a "rooming in" policy but the mothers are always welcomed to send their babies to the nursery. Moms don't think this could happen to them! Of course they didn't intend for it to happen, but they underestimate just how tired they are. The fatigue only worsens once home! Thankfully both babies had no injuries but I don't know if the moms will ever get over the guilt and shame they felt.

An even worse incident was a mom who was brought her baby in the night to breastfeed. When the nurse checked 20 min or so later, mom had dozed off, sitting up in bed and baby had slipped off the breast and was lying with it's head under her (large) breast and had suffocated and died.

Scary things can happen.

As a mother of 3, and a nurse, I would NEVER sleep with an infant in my bed! I even got up to nurse my babies. It's just not worth it to me. If I want to cuddle them in my bed, I do it during the day when I am fully awake.

Just one more opinion!

[KaroSnowQueen, RN]

I had three biological children and they all three slept in my bed, sometimes all at once. I slept with my baby wrapped in it own blanket or a blanket sleeper, and lying in my arms. I never once woke up with any of the babies in a compromising position. I could tend to their needs immediately and think it was the best thing for me.

My husband now (whom I have no biological children with) is appalled that I did such a thing. My daughter has a 21 month old son who has slept with her since day one. She and the baby are very comfortable with this set up.

My son, who loved sleeping with mom as a child, has not thought for one moment about sleeping with his baby, altho its the mom who is more against it than he is. Whenever I keep their baby, DIL knows she will find baby in bed with me, and she does not tell me not to.

It depends on the dynamics of the family, the personality of the family members and the slightly constant mindfulness of the parent checking on the baby. I kept my first one in a crib/bassinet at night for about two weeks and that was the end of it. Was afraid I couldn't hear her, was afraid she wasn't breathing, was afraid of God knows what, my DH at the time worked nights, and she came to sleep with me. I rested better knowing she was at my side and if she needed nursed, changed, etc I would know immediately.

It depends on each person. What worked for me might appall you and that is your choice, as mine was for me.

[BJLynn]

Had my daughters baby bed butted up to the side of my bed and the slide rail off so that her mattress and my mattress were the same height. When she would cry I would get her to breastfeed, as soon as she was finished I would scoot her back over into the crib, and that worked great.

That's what I did after about three weeks of no sleep due to getting up every two hours for breastfeeding.

T... it was a great asset for breastfeeding. As soon as they would begin to wake and whimper, in went the breast and they fed and fell back to sleep.

If you follow the safe co-sleeping rules, you can do it safely. ...

If I had not started co-sleeping, I doubt I would have lasted longer than about four weeks breastfeeding. I breastfed my little girl until she was about 15 months old. When she was 7 mo old she went to her own crib exclusively. When she was about 10 mo old she went to her own room. For my daughter, having her in the same bed/co sleeper actually helped her adjust to our (DH and me) sleep schedule. She never did have the whole nights and days thing mixed up. Right or wrong, I attribute that one to the co-sleeping we did. And she does really well at nights now.

It's a highly individual decision. I don't drink, I avoided OTC drugs like the plague when I was breastfeeding, and I followed safe co-sleeping rules. For my family it was right, for someone else's it may not be.

[DutchgirlRN, ASN, RN]

I think the idea of sleeping with your infant is lovely but in reality is it

d-a-n-g-e-r-o-u-s.

Just because someone does it and nothing happened doesn't mean it's okay or safe.

Secondly, children need their own space. They need to learn to fall asleep on their own.

I think it's fine to mention to the family member that what they're doing is dangerous or perhaps print off some info from the net to give them. Beyond that they will do what they want to and better to say a prayer and let it go.

[Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP]

When my son was a newborn, he usually started out the night in his bassinet, but by 3-5am, he was in bed with us. Always on his back. Always with his head way above where the top of the covers fell. I always slept on my back with him because I know I don't roll when I'm on my back. And it worked beautifully. Almost 100% of my Hispanic moms sleep with their babies in the bed at some point during the night. I tell all my pts that if they are going to co-sleep to please tell me so we can do it more safely. I don't have stats but it seems that babes are far less safe in the car in their corificeat than they are in bed with mom. As always, I tell them not to have babe in the bed if they drink alcohol, take meds that cause drowsiness, or if they smoke in bed. I just visited the AAP's website & they say neither yea nor nay.

We still sleep with our 2 year old most nights.

I agree that kids do need to fall asleep on their own. But babies are used to being next to mom for ~40weeks, then we expect them to be content in a cold plastic thing box doesn't look, sound, or smell anything like her. It's amazing how many a fussy baby will settle in 30 seconds snuggled up next to someone's chest/heartbeat. They'll get around to sleeping alone eventually. Rare is the child who graduates highschool still sleeping with Mom every night!

Cosleeping is not for everyone but for a lot of people it is the only way to get 2 hrs uninterrupted sleep at night.

[teeituptom, BSN, RN]

My wife and I raised 7 kids, all of them in their newborn days slept the first few months with us. Because my wife said so. All 7 are just fine. It is strictly a matter of choice.

[mommy2boysaz]

I absolutely agree that it is a matter of choice, but as you can see by the examples I gave in my earlier post, there are potential dangers!

I sort of look at it like using a car seat. My parents didn't use them, I'm fine. I've never been in a car accident with any of my kids in the car with me, but they are all in car seats appropriate for their ages/sizes. Chances are they'd be fine without the car seats...I'm just not willing to take the risk.

I've always been of the mindset that if I ever did ANYTHING that resulted in harm to one of my children, and I knew ahead of time that there was even a tiny potential of harm, I'd NEVER be able to forgive myself. That's just me. Obviously kids get hurt accidently all the time and we can't protect them 100% of the time, but if it's in my control, I'm going to err on the side of caution all the time.