Attention nurse bullies... and victims!!

Nurses Relations

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Hello fellow nurses! One of my last projects for my RN-BSN program will be on lateral violence in nursing. I have a few questions for those who have been involved in bullying just so I can gain perspective.

Questions for the bullies (you know who you are and only the brave will answer...ha!):

What sets bullies off? Are you just angry people in general which carries over to your treatment of others? Do you realize it affects patient care? Tell me what drives you nuts at work. What is the most effective way someone has responded to you to get you to back off?

Questions for the victims:

Have you ever left a job because of bullying? How do you respond to bullying... ignore/confront? Does your facility have a way they deal with bullies? Have you noticed it directly affects the way you provide care for your patients?

NO JUDGEMENT HERE! Please be honest with your responses and maybe we can get a healthy dialogue going.

Thanks in advance!

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Thanks for the grammer lesson

Your primary concern should be oversharing on a public board; this may well come back to bite you. And yea, use paragraphs. People don't want to read one long wall of text.

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Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.
A long time ago, I started my first ever job as a CNA. This nursing home was a hell hole. I sucked it up for about two weeks before I quit.

Anyway, the aides were a bunch of older men and women who were absolute losers. They were, maybe, late 20's to early 40's. I was 17. You'd think they'd show some maturity, but nooo. The crap started to fly when a resident complimented me and this was overheard by the aides. Oh my god, you'd think being complimented would be a fantastic thing... not to these yahoos. I was immediately taunted, "Ooooh... you're sooooo nice... isn't she just sooooo perfect!" Blah blah blah.

Then as I was walking down the hallway, there they all were, waiting for me to pass. They were actually lined up on each side and blew straw wrappers in my face when I walked through! I couldn't believe it! Another time, they all gathered about to watch Tim the Lead Aide offer me a piece of chocolate cake that he had brought from the soiled utility room!!! Yes, I'm confident to this day that there was poop in that cake. When I told him I wasn't stupid, you better believe I was mocked some more.

I also had my purse stolen the first day was there-- but that wasn't bullying. That was just a thief.

I have never, in any job anywhere, ever experienced anything like that before or since. I believe it's truly rare. Thank the Lord.

Now THIS, is true bullying! So sorry you went through that. Disgusting behavior from "adults".

They were jealous, clearly saw something in you that they knew was better than themselves and were threatened.

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I read many, but not all posts. From my perspective, the terms "bullying", "lateral violence", and "incivility" are synonymous. I have been an RN for over 30 years, and have seen numerous examples of "nurses eating their young". I have attempted to intervene where I was witness, or was able.

One of the worst environments I have seen is an ER in the facility where I currently work. I am not in a clinical position at present, so it is now witnessed from a distance. I certainly agree that it reflects poor management, since "what we permit, we promote". I have heard the phrase "it's all about who you know" multiple times regarding treatment, promotions, fairness, etc., as many people are related to many others in this facility, and there are plenty of examples of favoritism/nepotism. Hard to determine motivation, although I agree with those who describe the behavior as sophomoric and occurring in cliques, as a safety in numbers support system, seemingly aimed most at the newest, brightest future superstars that might outshine the skills of those in control. It is this vulnerable group that needs the support, encouragement, and guidance of mentors in order to succeed that are most easily beat down by incivility.

One new graduate shared with me how he was repeatedly pulled aside and told all what he was doing wrong, greeted with nonverbal negative gestures (eye-rolling, heavy sighs, shaking head) that further tore at his eroding confidence, all the while not receiving any positive reinforcing feedback; he repeatedly said he just didn't feel like he belonged there and questioned his chance of succeeding in nursing (after spending 4 very successful years completing his BSN). I was able to help with his transfer to our ICU where he has now had about six months of effective mentorship, learning, growth - everything all nurses, especially novice nurses should receive. He is finally succeeding as he should and has thanked me several times for helping.

Much of the bullying behavior seems to be more in the nonverbal, which can easily be attributed to misinterpretation and denied, rather than in the spoken words that can be quoted/reported, but can certainly have a negative and memorable impact. It seems to be vicious with no regard to any negative effect it may have on patient care, and the worst ones have been recognized internally for their compassionate patient care!

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i too would like to know

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This is going on from when I was brand new

Questions for the victims:

Have you ever left a job because of bullying? Yes I have.

How do you respond to bullying... ignore/confront? When I was a brand new nurse I was scared to say anything. I now confront someone if they seem like they have an issue with me, doing so squashes it fast.

Does your facility have a way they deal with bullies? It's not tolerated but my boss is too lenient. If you don't speak for yourself I doubt anything would happen.

Have you noticed it directly affects the way you provide care for your patients? It can if you let it. Some people are able to stick up for themselves with confidence but bullying definitely can have a negative impact on patient care. It is not a good feeling if your coworkers are out to get you.

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Specializes in Operating Room.

I have been bullied at work. The incidents were..

Being sworn at because I was in charge and had to mandate the bully's friend-that bully was disciplined though(suspended).

Phone calls to my home. I know it was the bully because I overheard them in the locker room admitting to it.

When I would post the assignment- it would be ignored or the paper I used to post it was crumpled and thrown on the floor.

I'm no victim though- got the union involved and the perpetrators and the manager who condoned/encouraged it caught grief for it.

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Specializes in ICU; Telephone Triage Nurse.
I have my own way of dealing with bullies. I treat them like a coyote. That's another story and this post is already too verbose.

I'd love to hear this story sometime.

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Thanks for the grammer lesson

But it was not a spelling lesson, lol. Count your blessings. ;)

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I have been a RN since '97, ADN. I currently have Multiple Sclerosis. I have a caregiver which comes to my home 7 days a week. She is 60.... I am 45. On our first day meeting she was so excited to meet me that she grabbed my face and put her face inches from my face. All I could think to do is close my eyes.... it made me cringe. Also , thinking where have her hands been? The invasion in personal space continued even after I told her don't walk up on me and please don't hover over me, (standing inches from me to talk). This continued for 4 weeks. In that time I had to speak to her twice about how she spoke to my child, and in the front of me like I am not/ could not do anything about it.

She also spoke hard/harsh at me those 4 weeks. I know this might sound crazy. I tolerated it, even in front of my baby (she is 11 y o). Out of the 20+ caregivers she and 2 others are the only ones that did what they were supposed to do.

I am in pain mgmt, so I can only imagine being medicated softens how harsh she spoke to me, but still I noticed it/took note of it. And I usually would have nip that in the bud. I can't explain it. Well tues I had a dr's appt so I couldn't take my narc b/c I had to drive. That day I went 12 without a narc. When I got home I was so irritable and I made her aware and why I was irritated. Then she started talking hard to me. I said.....Ms A, can you please stop talking hard at me b/c I don't speak to you that way. She says, "wel let me just sit here and shut the **** (expletive ) up. PEACE, that is what I had even after she decided to leave early b/c she was so irritated.

The next day the agency's nurse did a 30 day check-in, assessment. She asked.... how are things and I told her everything ( all while my baby was videotaping it all).

She is not coming back. She would have been a very good caregiver if it wasn't for her mouth, her attitude and her continuing to not recognize my personal space. If I bring things to your attention and say stop why continue.

Now I remember in nursing school (psych class) a person with a disorder would walk right up on you, not recognizing your personal space. Question: If she and others, even nurses, have a psychological disorder would you consider them a bully? I would have to say no. Only b/c on some level they are unable to recognize they have a problem. A bully can say.... Yeah, but I do it b/c of (excuses)

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I have been a RN since '97, ADN. I currently have Multiple Sclerosis. I have a caregiver which comes to my home 7 days a week. She is 60.... I am 45. On our first day meeting she was so excited to meet me that she grabbed my face and put her face inches from my face. All I could think to do is close my eyes.... it made me cringe. Also , thinking where have her hands been? The invasion in personal space continued even after I told her don't walk up on me and please don't hover over me, (standing inches from me to talk). This continued for 4 weeks. In that time I had to speak to her twice about how she spoke to my child, and in the front of me like I am not/ could not do anything about it.

She also spoke hard/harsh at me those 4 weeks. I know this might sound crazy. I tolerated it, even in front of my baby (she is 11 y o). Out of the 20+ caregivers she and 2 others are the only ones that did what they were supposed to do.

I am in pain mgmt, so I can only imagine being medicated softens how harsh she spoke to me, but still I noticed it/took note of it. And I usually would have nip that in the bud. I can't explain it. Well tues I had a dr's appt so I couldn't take my narc b/c I had to drive. That day I went 12 without a narc. When I got home I was so irritable and I made her aware and why I was irritated. Then she started talking hard to me. I said.....Ms A, can you please stop talking hard at me b/c I don't speak to you that way. She says, "wel let me just sit here and shut the **** (expletive ) up. PEACE, that is what I had even after she decided to leave early b/c she was so irritated.

The next day the agency's nurse did a 30 day check-in, assessment. She asked.... how are things and I told her everything ( all while my baby was videotaping it all).

She is not coming back. She would have been a very good caregiver if it wasn't for her mouth, her attitude and her continuing to not recognize my personal space. If I bring things to your attention and say stop why continue.

Now I remember in nursing school (psych class) a person with a disorder would walk right up on you, not recognizing your personal space. Question: If she and others, even nurses, have a psychological disorder would you consider them a bully? I would have to say no. Only b/c on some level they are unable to recognize they have a problem. A bully can say.... Yeah, but I do it b/c of (excuses)

This thread is about nurse/colleague relations. Your post is about your nurse being mean to you. I'm very sorry that happened to you, but perhaps it would best be discussed on a thread you created for that purpose.

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Specializes in Psych.

I know I felt bullied...there was another nurse who started two weeks before me, and would tell me she had seniority over me [she didn't] and complain to our boss that I didn't do work the way she wanted, and then on our bulletin board in the station, someone took my picture and poked my eyes out and scratched out my face and my daughter's.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I know I felt bullied...there was another nurse who started two weeks before me, and would tell me she had seniority over me [she didn't] and complain to our boss that I didn't do work the way she wanted, and then on our bulletin board in the station, someone took my picture and poked my eyes out and scratched out my face and my daughter's.

Someone who started two weeks before you does indeed have seniority over you when it comes to vacation scheduling, holidays, and any other perks of the job decided by seniority. WERE you doing the work the way management wanted? And are you telling me that you know for sure that this other nurse poked out the eyes in your picture? Or someone did it and you don't know who? While that certainly wasn't very NICE, I don't think it was bullying, either.

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