Attention nurse bullies... and victims!!

Nurses Relations

Published

Hello fellow nurses! One of my last projects for my RN-BSN program will be on lateral violence in nursing. I have a few questions for those who have been involved in bullying just so I can gain perspective.

Questions for the bullies (you know who you are and only the brave will answer...ha!):

What sets bullies off? Are you just angry people in general which carries over to your treatment of others? Do you realize it affects patient care? Tell me what drives you nuts at work. What is the most effective way someone has responded to you to get you to back off?

Questions for the victims:

Have you ever left a job because of bullying? How do you respond to bullying... ignore/confront? Does your facility have a way they deal with bullies? Have you noticed it directly affects the way you provide care for your patients?

NO JUDGEMENT HERE! Please be honest with your responses and maybe we can get a healthy dialogue going.

Thanks in advance!

How horrible! Your pic with your eyes poked out? That's creating a hostile work environment if it stemmed from a harassment due to a protected characteristic like race, religion, etc and is not tolerated under the law. Different states take this different places, though.

Or, now that I've thought about it, it sounds like a threat.

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

I think the picture with the eyes cut out IS a form of bullying/harassment and the manager should definitely stop this NOW.

How juvenile people can be, and I would NOT want that nurse caring for me or my family. If I were manager, I would put them on notice; it stops or else there will be severe repercussions. Period.

1 Votes

You are lucky. I have at least in every job few bullies. Sometimes on the same shift. Only one place successfully got rid of them and only one was still there. Bullies in my experience don't care if they are bullies. Some even thing they are entitled to it, they do right thing as pecking on newbie nurses is a) fun, b) making the nurses better, c) - and I personally think this is most accurate - it makes them feel better about themselves - smarter prettier competition is destroyed, they look so smart to themselves, they are such a strong know it all, the only person in charge, who knows what else...

2 Votes

I’ve been a nurse for 20 years & had many different jobs thanks to my ex-husband’s multiple moves around the country but never had the perception that I was being bullied until now, my 20th year as a Registered Nurse. It’s not a “perception,” it’s just an absolute fact when you walk into orientation and your so-called preceptor chooses to nitpick you over nonexistent rules and announce to the nursing team that you have no idea what you’re doing 6 weeks into the job. And I don’t give a rip what’s going on for her at home or how she must’ve been treated as a child, she knows better than to treat a new hire this way. The entire team has struggled recently because of understaffing & it’s in her best interest to get me & other new folks well-trained & happily settled in our roles.

3 Votes
Specializes in ICU; Telephone Triage Nurse.

I believe many of us may have experienced feeling uncomfortable, or in some way emotionally threatened in various degrees in the work place at one time or another. Does it qualify as bullying to everyone who may objectively look at the particulars? Maybe?

Does it feel good experiencing when it does happen? Not. At. All.

During my very first nursing job as a new grad RN at the largest teaching hospital in town I was harassed by an LPN that didn't like that I was no longer a PCT, but now an RN with no experience - and designated team leader when we were paired together.

She hated that I had the ability to assign her daily work tasks, hated that I was young, and pretty much just seemed to hate me on general principle (she seemed to have no problem with me when I was a PCT working under her supervision before I graduated). I don't understand to this day why she suddenly seemed to despise my very existence without provocation, but hated me she did. Vehemently.

She threw away the pictures I had on my clip board of my newborn baby (a staff member witnessed her tearing the pictures off and tossing them into the trash can, then pulled me aside to enlighten me to the actual fate of those pictures), refused to help me in the work of our team of patients that I asked of her, and had said some truly vile things about me behind my back to some of the interns and residents - a few of whom had gleefully enlightened me about the things she had said - in detail (although I'd honestly rather not have known). She also wrote inflammatory comments about me on our unit's bathroom walls (sadly for her the nurse manager recognized her handwriting, and she was written up).

My mother had died not long after I graduated, and that alone was devastating. I had also just had a baby, and then started work as a new grad not long afterward. The emotional abuse and distress I endured as a result was distracting and mean spirited. Even without her attentions I struggled in a daily basis, and her apparent vendetta made everything so much worse ... for months.

Did it qualify as bullying behavior? I thought so, although not everyone may agree.

I ended up leaving within 6 months, finally accepting another job. I was ready for anything that wasn't the hell I had been living through at the time (To date - 25 years later in December - I've never experienced the level of distress, anxiety, or fear I encountered back then). This person did everything she could think of to make me not want to be at work, so I left. I never looked back, and things only got better afterwards. I don't regret leaving - not even for even a second.

My advice, be that as it may, is to pick your battles - there are some you just can't win overtly. Some people are fanatics - they are convinced their lives would be okay if you weren't there. It doesn't even have to make sense, but if someone is devious enough they will make your life miserable. Fighting that is sometimes a waste of energy given the paper trail required to can someone nowadays, as the proof of misconduct always lies with the person experiencing the torment.

Some people are unkind no matter where you work, or what your occupation is. I can't in good conscience say blow it off because if someone wants you gone and is prepared to go to any means necessary to make sure that happens, then I see that as a hostile work environment.

Do what you must for peace of mind, but in my opinion no job is worth your sanity or wellbeing. I left, and I advise you the same course of action. Find a place you love that loves you back. At the end of the day your complete happiness is all that really matters.

Specializes in Hospice, corrections, psychiatry, rehab, LTC.
On ‎3‎/‎7‎/‎2019 at 1:14 AM, 3ringnursing said:

During my very first nursing job as a new grad RN at the largest teaching hospital in town I was harassed by an LPN that didn't like that I was no longer a PCT, but now an RN with no experience - and designated team leader when we were paired together.

She hated that I had the ability to assign her daily work tasks, hated that I was young, and pretty much just seemed to hate me on general principle (she seemed to have no problem with me when I was a PCT working under her supervision before I graduated). I don't understand to this day why she suddenly seemed to despise my very existence without provocation, but hated me she did. Vehemently.

From what you have said, I can figure it out pretty easily. She resented that you were once beneath her in the pecking order, but because of your own initiative you have passed her in the food chain.

2 Votes
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

I question anyone who truly believes that they're "being bulling because I am young and pretty." I kinda think there is more to it than that, and that reason being listed makes me question the whole story.

1 Votes

People are often too open at work. Work is what I do, it's not who I am. It's very possible to be genuine, without letting a coworker 'in.' I think victims invite predators by wanting something, needing validation, etc. These people are not my friends. My friends I've had since grade school.

My coworkers are strangers, I treat them as such. Strangers seldom bully, bullies need an inside angle, don't let them in. I do my job, I go home. My needs are met by people I trust.

1 Votes
Specializes in ICU; Telephone Triage Nurse.
15 hours ago, Ruby Vee said:

I question anyone who truly believes that they're "being bulling because I am young and pretty." I kinda think there is more to it than that, and that reason being listed makes me question the whole story.

I never said I was "young and pretty", but I will readily admit I had been young (then) and very clinically inexperienced. What I actually said:

"She hated that I had the ability to assign her daily work tasks, hated that I was young, and pretty much just seemed to hate me on general principle (she seemed to have no problem with me when I was a PCT working under her supervision before I graduated). I don't understand to this day why she suddenly seemed to despise my very existence without provocation, but hated me she did. Vehemently.".

I didn't actually use the word bullying, it was more in the form of passive-aggressive and stealth attack. And it was definitely personal enough that it was noticed - least of all by the nurse manager, and she had been warned to stop (she continued in what she hoped was a less noticeable way and was written up - and I got the heck out of dodge).

I am now old - and still not pretty. I believe I had been resented simply due to a change in job title, inexperience coupled with a young age by one person. Looking back I think she felt I had no right to give her assignments due to her years of experience and my lack there of, when she had previously given me my assignments for nearly 3 years.

this unfortunate situation had nothing to do with believing I was then pretty, although in all fairness this similarly crusty old bat can definitely see that if what I wrote was read quickly enough that my intent could have been misconstrued that way.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
46 minutes ago, 3ringnursing said:

I never said I was "young and pretty", but I will readily admit I had been young (then) and very clinically inexperienced. What I actually said:

"She hated that I had the ability to assign her daily work tasks, hated that I was young, and pretty much just seemed to hate me on general principle (she seemed to have no problem with me when I was a PCT working under her supervision before I graduated). I don't understand to this day why she suddenly seemed to despise my very existence without provocation, but hated me she did. Vehemently.".

I didn't actually use the word bullying, it was more in the form of passive-aggressive and stealth attack. And it was definitely personal enough that it was noticed - least of all by the nurse manager, and she had been warned to stop (she continued in what she hoped was a less noticeable way and was written up - and I got the heck out of dodge).

I am now old - and still not pretty. I believe I had been resented simply due to a change in job title, inexperience coupled with a young age by one person. Looking back I think she felt I had no right to give her assignments due to her years of experience and my lack there of, when she had previously given me my assignments for nearly 3 years.

this unfortunate situation had nothing to do with believing I was then pretty, although in all fairness this similarly crusty old bat can definitely see that if what I wrote was read quickly enough that my intent could have been misconstrued that way.

You're right -- I misread "young, and pretty" and "young and pretty." And there have been so many posts from young people who believe that their older colleagues hate them because they're beautiful.

I read too quickly and made assumptions. I apologize.

1 Votes
Specializes in ICU; Telephone Triage Nurse.
21 minutes ago, Ruby Vee said:

You're right -- I misread "young, and pretty" and "young and pretty." And there have been so many posts from young people who believe that their older colleagues hate them because they're beautiful.

I read too quickly and made assumptions. I apologize.

No worries Ruby Vee, I take no offense. You are very cool and I enjoy reading your thoughts. And I can see how I could have worded that better for clarity.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
16 hours ago, Persephone Paige said:

People are often too open at work. Work is what I do, it's not who I am. It's very possible to be genuine, without letting a coworker 'in.' I think victims invite predators by wanting something, needing validation, etc. These people are not my friends. My friends I've had since grade school.

My coworkers are strangers, I treat them as such. Strangers seldom bully, bullies need an inside angle, don't let them in. I do my job, I go home. My needs are met by people I trust.

This seems pretty insightful, and it seems to correlate with what I've observed in the workplace. Good advice not to let people in until you know they're safe people. Good workplace relationships aren't necessarily your best friends.

2 Votes
+ Add a Comment