Arrogant "know it all" RN

Libby1987 · Jul 9, 2015

6 mos in your first nursing job?

I'm the type to learn how to work with everyone and right now she does know a lot more than you. I'd use her like an encyclopedia and tell her to explain more every time she jumped in with her opinion and filter out any nonsense. You will become a smaller target and learn a lot. If she really never lets up, she will have nothing negative to say about you when you take your hard won experience elsewhere. More than likely though I bet she will trust you and move her micromanagment to someone else.

Anyway, worked for me.

Jules A, MSN · Jul 10, 2015

I agree no matter how annoying she is likely a wealth of knowledge for you as a new nurse and definitely as a new nurse on this unit. It would make me uncomfortable if she criticizes in front of patients but in my most diplomatic tone I would respectfully thank her for all her help and insight but ask that she speak with you in private. Something I benefited greatly from throughout my career is the willingness to tolerate anyone no matter how irritating if they were smart and I could learn something from them.

AutumnApple · Jul 10, 2015

You have to treat this individual like a coyote.

What I mean by that is, coyotes will generally avoid humans. But, if they get hungry enough, they'll move in closer and closer to human populated areas in search of what they need.

She's a coyote, seeking to feed a need. Make sure that need is fed, and she'll not come so close to your boundaries.

I see it like this. Remember Human Growth&Development? They talk about why teens act the way they do. We've all seen the "know it all teen" which is ironically a close resemblance to your coworker (snickers). Why do teens act like know it all's? Because their brain is changing, opening up new pathways and they suddenly grasp the "abstract" like never before. This flood of new information that was unavailable before seems immense to them and overwhelms them. They suddenly feel like they're carrying around tons of understanding and knowledge when in reality, it's not as impressive to others as it feels to them.

Your coworker is probably very similar. She has all the knowledge that seems immense to her, but in reality isn't so impressive to everyone else. She has a desire to share this knowledge with everyone around herself and to validate herself with it.

What I do with people like this is, I feed the beast enough to avoid it being a confrontation that could have easily be avoided. You only need to do two things to create a working relation with her that will work for both of you:

1. Validate her. It's what she seeks. Like the coyote needs food, she needs this. If she goes without it, she'll creep in on your boundaries like a starving coyote moves in closer and closer to populated areas when desperate.

2. Once validation has been established, set your boundaries. Simply pointing out when they have been crossed like so: "I love your advice, but prefer it not be given directly in front of the patient in the future. I must have their confidence to provide them care and constantly being corrected by superiors hinders me gaining their confidence."

Validating a know it all is very simple actually and you don't have to be doing it with every breath you take. When you have a true question, go to her with it if she's on the unit. You'd be surprised too, these know it all types, once they like you, are the first to step in and help you when the water is rising up to flood levels on you: "Oh, you're having trouble figuring out how to write up that discharge? I'll do it and we'll talk later." That has been my experience with it anyway.

Taking questions to them, updating them on how their advice helped and showing an interest in hearing their input will make them feel validated. Shame though, so many people stomp their foot and refuse to do these simple things. I have before, made statements like "I'm here for the patient, not to humor some insecure charge nurse." That didn't get me far because then the coyote became hungry and creeped in on me more. A few simple steps that humor the know it all makes everything so much easier on everyone.

I think many of us become defensive when dealing with a know it all and never consider that they may need something from us. Instead, we focus on our bruised ego and how their behavior annoys us. Then the simple interventions that could have cured it all are lost in our resentment towards them.

Also, the final step is to take an introspective look at things. A little secret that many don't like to hear, but I'm not saying this in a condescending way at all: The people who get most annoyed with a know it all often are one themselves. That's something you'll have to assess for yourself, as I did for me.

Jules A, MSN · Jul 10, 2015

You have to treat this individual like a coyote.
What I mean by that is, coyotes will generally avoid humans. But, if they get hungry enough, they'll move in closer and closer to human populated areas in search of what they need.
She's a coyote, seeking to feed a need. Make sure that need is fed, and she'll not come so close to your boundaries.
I see it like this. Remember Human Growth&Development? They talk about why teens act the way they do. We've all seen the "know it all teen" which is ironically a close resemblance to your coworker (snickers). Why do teens act like know it all's? Because their brain is changing, opening up new pathways and they suddenly grasp the "abstract" like never before. This flood of new information that was unavailable before seems immense to them and overwhelms them. They suddenly feel like they're carrying around tons of understanding and knowledge when in reality, it's not as impressive to others as it feels to them.
Your coworker is probably very similar. She has all the knowledge that seems immense to her, but in reality isn't so impressive to everyone else. She has a desire to share this knowledge with everyone around herself and to validate herself with it.
What I do with people like this is, I feed the beast enough to avoid it being a confrontation that could have easily be avoided. You only need to do two things to create a working relation with her that will work for both of you:
1. Validate her. It's what she seeks. Like the coyote needs food, she needs this. If she goes without it, she'll creep in on your boundaries like a starving coyote moves in closer and closer to populated areas when desperate.
2. Once validation has been established, set your boundaries. Simply pointing out when they have been crossed like so: "I love your advice, but prefer it not be given directly in front of the patient in the future. I must have their confidence to provide them care and constantly being corrected by superiors hinders me gaining their confidence."
Validating a know it all is very simple actually and you don't have to be doing it with every breath you take. When you have a true question, go to her with it if she's on the unit. You'd be surprised too, these know it all types, once they like you, are the first to step in and help you when the water is rising up to flood levels on you: "Oh, you're having trouble figuring out how to write up that discharge? I'll do it and we'll talk later." That has been my experience with it anyway.
Taking questions to them, updating them on how their advice helped and showing an interest in hearing their input will make them feel validated. Shame though, so many people stomp their foot and refuse to do these simple things. I have before, made statements like "I'm here for the patient, not to humor some insecure charge nurse." That didn't get me far because then the coyote became hungry and creeped in on me more. A few simple steps that humor the know it all makes everything so much easier on everyone.
I think many of us become defensive when dealing with a know it all and never consider that they may need something from us. Instead, we focus on our bruised ego and how their behavior annoys us. Then the simple interventions that could have cured it all are lost in our resentment towards them.
Also, the final step is to take an introspective look at things. A little secret that many don't like to hear, but I'm not saying this in a condescending way at all: The people who get most annoyed with a know it all often are one themselves. That's something you'll have to assess for yourself, as I did for me.

Love this and at least in my experience when I was a new nurse the "know it alls" definitely knew more than I did and taught me so much. I am still not above fluffing up someone's ego to learn things that will enhance my practice.

llg, PhD, RN · Jul 10, 2015

You have to treat this individual like a coyote.

I really enjoyed your fresh take on this situation, AutumnApple. Loved your post. Thank you.

llg

FlyingScot, RN · Jul 10, 2015

6 mos in your first nursing job?
I'm the type to learn how to work with everyone and right now she does know a lot more than you. I'd use her like an encyclopedia and tell her to explain more every time she jumped in with her opinion and filter out any nonsense. You will become a smaller target and learn a lot. If she really never lets up, she will have nothing negative to say about you when you take your hard won experience elsewhere. More than likely though I bet she will trust you and move her micromanagment to someone else.
Anyway, worked for me.

I wanted to add to the bolded statement that in all likelihood she will actually start backing off if you ask her to elaborate on her statements. Even the most egotistical person in the world eventually gets tired of talking.

ArrowRN, BSN, RN · Jul 10, 2015

Yes its my first real nurse job out of school. I have been trying to "use her knowledge" like an enclycopedia, she is just so hyper, busy busy and super talkative I specifically choose nights to get away from those types the exact opposite of me, meticulous, slow and introvert and male. Surprisingly she complemented me last night for doing a great job on my shift . I like the coyote analogy. Maybe she does want reinforcement that she knows what she knows. Thanks for giving me new perspectives, I hope this helps others

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Jul 11, 2015

"I appreciate your input. I shall take it under advisement. Now if you will excuse me please" and go about your day.

Been there,done that, ASN, RN · Jul 13, 2015

I need help with how to handle this RN. She is extremely arrogant and literally knows it all. I'm relatively new (6 months) and every little thing she critics as WRONG. I even hear her talking about more experienced nurses and they do things all wrong. Sometimes she butts into my patient care with things that I need to tell the Charge Nurse and its really none of her business. She does this in front of patients as well and its really starting to piss me off. As a male I'm trying to be diplomatic about it literally everything she tries to correct me on I reply to her yes I know I know I know, but that is not working.
Worse yet her arrogance her recently landed her a charge nurse position. I think she thinks she can finally be the boss of everyone. She is in charge nurse training but has this attitude even when she is not officially assigned to be charge in training to tell everyone what is wrong and what to do.
How do I handle a person like this? I've had other RN's and CNA's who I had issues with and I seem to work them out but this one I feel the only way is to just go to the manager. But with this RN "knowing it all" I'm afraid she will one day pull some policy out of her skinny booty and write me up in retaliation. Should I just tell her, "look you are not charging today and I need to discuss this with the charge nurse" for the day?
I can handle bad patients but bad colleagues is really uncalled for. Please advise or describe what you do with the "know it all" nurse.

As a former "know it all" charge nurse your issues concern me.

You have 6 months of experience, any insights ( from anyone)should be welcomed with open arms.

You perceive her as arrogant, yet she has "landed" a charge nurse position. The powers that be have noted her leadership skills and have chosen to promote her.Charge nurses observe the flow of the unit, the practice of the floor nurses, and intervene when needed.

Why does the fact that you are male... effect this scenario? You are a nurse.. period.

She is not the "bad colleague".. you are the newbie.. aggravated with a female charge trying to lead you. Appreciate the fact she has taken you under her wing.

Been there,done that, ASN, RN · Jul 13, 2015

I really enjoyed your fresh take on this situation, AutumnApple. Loved your post. Thank you.
llg

Shocked that the soon to be charge nurse is likened to a coyote. How many members that have 'liked' this analogy.. are charge nurses?

springchick1, ADN, RN · Jul 13, 2015

We have a new hire who does this. "I know" is her answer for everything! Her preceptor wants to tell her that she obviously doesn't know or she wouldn't have to be correcting the new hire. It comes off as very stand-offish and defensive. That may be how you are coming across to others. It also may appear that you are also blowing off their advice/hints/tricks/words of wisdom when you dismiss them like that. Just a thought.