I need help with how to handle this RN. She is extremely arrogant and literally knows it all. I'm relatively new (6 months) and every little thing she critics as WRONG. I even hear her talking about more experienced nurses and they do things all wrong. Sometimes she butts into my patient care with things that I need to tell the Charge Nurse and its really none of her business. She does this in front of patients as well and its really starting to piss me off. As a male I'm trying to be diplomatic about it literally everything she tries to correct me on I reply to her yes I know I know I know, but that is not working.
Worse yet her arrogance her recently landed her a charge nurse position. I think she thinks she can finally be the boss of everyone. She is in charge nurse training but has this attitude even when she is not officially assigned to be charge in training to tell everyone what is wrong and what to do.
How do I handle a person like this? I've had other RN's and CNA's who I had issues with and I seem to work them out but this one I feel the only way is to just go to the manager. But with this RN "knowing it all" I'm afraid she will one day pull some policy out of her skinny booty and write me up in retaliation. Should I just tell her, "look you are not charging today and I need to discuss this with the charge nurse" for the day?
I can handle bad patients but bad colleagues is really uncalled for. Please advise or describe what you do with the "know it all" nurse.
The way you wrote this up, you sound like an arrogant know-it-all newbie who is shutting down someone who is trying to help.
Think about that for a second and make sure it isn't true.
If it is, you may want to listen to the charge nurse, who is going to be one of your greatest resources. At the least, establish a diplomatic relationship.
If it is not true, then you need to learn how to deal with difficult coworkers. Be confident in yourself and gracious to those who are trying to help you. Because that's most likely what she is doing, trying to help a new grad. Or at least offering to be available if you need help.
BTW, never answer "I know, I know, I know." Even if you DO know, you sound like an asteroid.
Specializes in M/S, Pulmonary, Travel, Homecare, Psych..
Shocked that the soon to be charge nurse is likened to a coyote. How many members that have 'liked' this analogy.. are charge nurses?
Hmmm......I think I'm comparing "know it all's" to coyotes, not charge nurses. The OP's situation just happened to be a charge nurse.
Whether the know it all is the Hospital CEO, housekeeper, charge nurse, new nurse...........the road to take dealing with them is pretty much the same. Validate them.........set reasonable boundaries.
Hmmmm, appears you WERE comparing the charge nurse to a coyote.
This charge nurse may have not gone about it entirely politically correctly, but she was only feeding the need to watch out for the patients on the unit. When there are 30 (or more) of them.. the politically correctness tends to suffer.
Um - the behavior described in the OP started before the coworker was made a charge nurse. She was publicly correcting and micromanaging the OP when she had no business doing so.
We've all experienced officious "unit politicians" angling for promotion by throwing colleagues under the bus. From the level of resentment obvious in the OP, it sounds like this might be what was going on.
If that's true, coyote is exactly the right term: a highly opportunistic and predatory corporate politician.
With only the OP's side of the story and her obvious bias, it's hard to say.
Specializes in M/S, Pulmonary, Travel, Homecare, Psych..
"She's a coyote, seeking to feed a need."
Hmmmm, appears you WERE comparing the charge nurse to a coyote.
This charge nurse may have not gone about it entirely politically correctly, but she was only feeding the need to watch out for the patients on the unit. When there are 30 (or more) of them.. the politically correctness tends to suffer.
Yes, "she" as in....the one described as a know it all. The fact that she happens to be a charge nurse is of no value at that point. Like I said, she could be a housekeeper, a pilot or the President, that doesn't change how *I* would deal with a know it all. It doesn't even say charge nurse in that quote lol.
My point is, "know it all's" have to be validated then you can set boundaries. If you fight them, it just makes them more desperate for validation. They get more desperate, you have to fight harder, making them more desperate..............it's a vicious circle which can become volatile given time. Me, I choose to avoid all that drama. Most of the time, my approach has not only avoided the drama, but also makes a potential foe into a friend.
Specializes in M/S, Pulmonary, Travel, Homecare, Psych..
Um - the behavior described in the OP started before the coworker was made a charge nurse. She was publicly correcting and micromanaging the OP when she had no business doing so.
We've all experienced officious "unit politicians" angling for promotion by throwing colleagues under the bus. From the level of resentment obvious in the OP, it sounds like this might be what was going on.
If that's true, coyote is exactly the right term: a highly opportunistic and predatory corporate politician.
With only the OP's side of the story and her obvious bias, it's hard to say.
Yes. To me, "know it all" implies many things, none of which are positive. That may just be how I'm used to the term being used.
While many are pointing out that OP should take the person's advice and should remember where he is experience wise: If the person is truly a "know it all", that can be as much a curse as a blessing.
For *me*, the term "know it all" means someone MUST have the answer to everything, every time. Whether or not the information they share is valid or is of no concern to them. The point, to them, is to be on stage, to have that "Oh, she's talking........I must listen, she's ultra smart" moment. How they get that (evidenced by breaking common bedside etiquette code via correcting, literally, AT the bedside) is of no concern either. They tend to be fish story tellers too, on the social platform when there is not formal question to be answered.
We're all capable of this stuff given the right circumstances. But the "know it all" is chronic with it.
Thats why I tend to think, when that therm is used, it's not about who has more experience or knows more. Often, it's more of a social, working as a team road block. And that's I think validating them, helping them past the insecurity and feeling like a team member.........is the best solution. The bad habits go away as they are eager to help and share, but won't do so just in the name of being "in the spot light". Their advice becomes more reliable, and the differing parts of the machine work together instead of against one another.
Yes, "she" as in....the one described as a know it all. The fact that she happens to be a charge nurse is of no value at that point. Like I said, she could be a housekeeper, a pilot or the President, that doesn't change how *I* would deal with a know it all. It doesn't even say charge nurse in that quote lol.
My point is, "know it all's" have to be validated then you can set boundaries. If you fight them, it just makes them more desperate for validation. They get more desperate, you have to fight harder, making them more desperate..............it's a vicious circle which can become volatile given time. Me, I choose to avoid all that drama. Most of the time, my approach has not only avoided the drama, but also makes a potential foe into a friend.
The fact that she is the charge nurse, holds all of the value. They NEED to know it all.
This is not the housekeeper or the president. This is someone responsible for the functioning of the unit, assuring that proper care is delivered.
THAT is a never ending drama.. that cannot be made personal.
You may see her as a "know it all", but you have to admit, at the very least, she IS a "knows more than you" with your 6 months of experience. Just do your best to absorb the truly helpful bits of info and act appreciative towards the rest. No sense irritating your immediate supervisor with a bad attitude =(
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
You have to treat this individual like a coyote.
What I mean by that is, coyotes will generally avoid humans. But, if they get hungry enough, they'll move in closer and closer to human populated areas in search of what they need.
She's a coyote, seeking to feed a need. Make sure that need is fed, and she'll not come so close to your boundaries.
I see it like this. Remember Human Growth&Development? They talk about why teens act the way they do. We've all seen the "know it all teen" which is ironically a close resemblance to your coworker (snickers). Why do teens act like know it all's? Because their brain is changing, opening up new pathways and they suddenly grasp the "abstract" like never before. This flood of new information that was unavailable before seems immense to them and overwhelms them. They suddenly feel like they're carrying around tons of understanding and knowledge when in reality, it's not as impressive to others as it feels to them.
Your coworker is probably very similar. She has all the knowledge that seems immense to her, but in reality isn't so impressive to everyone else. She has a desire to share this knowledge with everyone around herself and to validate herself with it.
What I do with people like this is, I feed the beast enough to avoid it being a confrontation that could have easily be avoided. You only need to do two things to create a working relation with her that will work for both of you:
1. Validate her. It's what she seeks. Like the coyote needs food, she needs this. If she goes without it, she'll creep in on your boundaries like a starving coyote moves in closer and closer to populated areas when desperate.
2. Once validation has been established, set your boundaries. Simply pointing out when they have been crossed like so: "I love your advice, but prefer it not be given directly in front of the patient in the future. I must have their confidence to provide them care and constantly being corrected by superiors hinders me gaining their confidence."
Validating a know it all is very simple actually and you don't have to be doing it with every breath you take. When you have a true question, go to her with it if she's on the unit. You'd be surprised too, these know it all types, once they like you, are the first to step in and help you when the water is rising up to flood levels on you: "Oh, you're having trouble figuring out how to write up that discharge? I'll do it and we'll talk later." That has been my experience with it anyway.
Taking questions to them, updating them on how their advice helped and showing an interest in hearing their input will make them feel validated. Shame though, so many people stomp their foot and refuse to do these simple things. I have before, made statements like "I'm here for the patient, not to humor some insecure charge nurse." That didn't get me far because then the coyote became hungry and creeped in on me more. A few simple steps that humor the know it all makes everything so much easier on everyone.
I think many of us become defensive when dealing with a know it all and never consider that they may need something from us. Instead, we focus on our bruised ego and how their behavior annoys us. Then the simple interventions that could have cured it all are lost in our resentment towards them.
Also, the final step is to take an introspective look at things. A little secret that many don't like to hear, but I'm not saying this in a condescending way at all: The people who get most annoyed with a know it all often are one themselves. That's something you'll have to assess for yourself, as I did for me.
I don't know about this - where I come from Coyotes serve a purpose in maintaining the balance of nature. They keep down the rodent population. Still if they become truely problematic 32 caliber lead poisoning works quite well. Can't shoot the charge nurse though. I have been a charge nurse and am sock to death at times of new grads that can't or wont take instruction because they "Learned everything they need to know in nursing school" Any new nurse with 6 months still has a lot to learn so I suggest she/he button their lib and open their ears and eyes.
As a former "know it all" charge nurse your issues concern me.
You have 6 months of experience, any insights ( from anyone)should be welcomed with open arms.
You perceive her as arrogant, yet she has "landed" a charge nurse position. The powers that be have noted her leadership skills and have chosen to promote her.Charge nurses observe the flow of the unit, the practice of the floor nurses, and intervene when needed.
Why does the fact that you are male... effect this scenario? You are a nurse.. period.
She is not the "bad colleague".. you are the newbie.. aggravated with a female charge trying to lead you. Appreciate the fact she has taken you under her wing.
There's a fine line between being a great leader and being a pushover. It's just not my style of leadership or learning for that matter. I mentioned I'm male because the way how men are perceived is different and if I confront her I would come of as being the angry alpha male who does not want to take instructions from a woman, which is ridiculous, as all my charges are females. But if a female confronts her she would get in agreement from her peers. Fact is male nurses and female nurses think differently and approach things differently and are treated differently. Its no different from what women go through when they jump into a male dominated profession. I have to present things from a male point of view and I'm a huge advocate for male nurses, in particular black male nurses, because we are a minority, minority group here.
I do appreciate her "knowledge", but knowing it all does not necessarily mean she does know it all. She knows it all according to her way of doing it, and her interpretation of the policies and everyone else is wrong...and that is what is annoying. Every nurse adapts their own way of doing things as long as it does not compromise the patient or you not outright breaking a policy.
There are many ways to sing the A,B,C's as long as you get all the letters in the right order, you get the same result.
Yes I am a newbie, and will come into my own in time, but I don't need to be micro-managed, doing that is not meeting my needs. That being said, she also has a lot to learn and I am actually noticing a change in her communication with myself and others as she adapts to a leadership position as charge.
Not to be a hater, but you being a nurse for 6 months means you know nothing. To make matters worse, you don't even realize how much you don't know yet. She is correcting you because there something to correct. We as nurses should demand greatness from our co-workers. That fact that she complemented you means she knows your potential. She isn't going to waste her time mentoring (solicited or not), on somebody not worth it. Pick her brain. Prove yourself. She'll go away. Earn her respect by showing initiative. Help others out without being asked. If her assignment has something interesting that you haven't had, talk to her about it. I have my own coyote. I've learned it's better to have a valuable resource than a sworn enemy. Chin up. You got this.
Specializes in Hospice, corrections, psychiatry, rehab, LTC.
Yes I am a newbie, and will come into my own in time, but I don't need to be micro-managed, doing that is not meeting my needs. That being said, she also has a lot to learn and I am actually noticing a change in her communication with myself and others as she adapts to a leadership position as charge.
There necessarily needs to be a change in her methods of communication with others as she transitions into a charge role. You cannot communicate the same way as a supervisor as you did when the same people were your peers.
One thing that worked well for me when I received unsolicited input early in my career was to thank the person for their observation. It often led to more in depth conversations which helped to shape my practice early on. I found that some of the nurses who initially seemed intrusive were actually anxious to help, but they were not skilled at initiating these kinds of conversations.
Nursing is a career with potentially very high stakes if a mistake is made. Some nurses just intervene without thinking when they see something that they believe is wrong. Maybe I'm completely off target and this woman is a total b----, but my money is on that she is not. Besides, if she has moved into a supervisory position, you are going to have to deal with her in that role unless you move on. You could be missing out on a big opportunity for personal growth.
canigraduate
2,107 Posts
The way you wrote this up, you sound like an arrogant know-it-all newbie who is shutting down someone who is trying to help.
Think about that for a second and make sure it isn't true.
If it is, you may want to listen to the charge nurse, who is going to be one of your greatest resources. At the least, establish a diplomatic relationship.
If it is not true, then you need to learn how to deal with difficult coworkers. Be confident in yourself and gracious to those who are trying to help you. Because that's most likely what she is doing, trying to help a new grad. Or at least offering to be available if you need help.
BTW, never answer "I know, I know, I know." Even if you DO know, you sound like an asteroid.