Appropriate to go to a patients funeral?

[Emily456]

Hello.

I work in an assisted living facility. I've worked there for only about half a year. I've got two patients: a husband and wife who lived in an apartment together. On the shift 3 days ago, the husband began to decline. yesterday, I came back into work and he was actively dying. I was the only nurse to truly take care of he, and his family, during his decline (we don't have a 3rd shift nurse, because we are assisted living and he really got bad over night). So as soon as I got in, even though I was off the clock, I medicated him immediately. Unfortunately he wasn't able to take mess PO anymore, so I had to give oxycodone rectally and the Ativan sublingually (due to its ability to dissolve easily), per his hospice nurses directions. I was doing my best to get liquid morphine for him all day. I hounded the doctor until he wrote the prescription and sent it right away. And called the pharmacy as soon as he sent it to make sure that would send it out IMMEDIATELY. Unfortunately pharmacy is 3 1/2 hours away and have no back ups. So I had to medicate him rectally and sublingually until they could deliver. All day I checked up on the family, especially his wife because she is my patient is was struggling tremendously with the pending loss. I made sure I was in the room every 2 hours, on the dot, to medicate him and make him as comfortable as possible. When my lunch break came I chose to sit with the family instead. Lots of tears lots of hugs. When the family stepped out I sat with his wife so she wouldn't be alone in her time of grief. At the end of my shift, the family called down in a panic. I felt for a pulse, listened for respirations. He was gone. They all hugged me telling me how thankful they were and how I was a great nurse. (I am a new nurse. I'm only 22. So I think they were surprised with how empathetic I was). This is why I became a nurse. I was to help people. And although this situation made me incredibly sad, I feel honored to have been there when this wonderful man left the world. And I feel honored to have been there for this lovely family in their time of need. My question is, is it appropriate to go to the funeral? When my grandfather passed, all of the nurses came and my mom was very touched.

[Kali_Dreams]

So touching. I am a new nurse, 23, I would definitely go. as you will, they'll remember you forever. :) God bless

[Emily456]

Kali_Dreams thank you so much for you reply and advise. I appreciate it. That's what I'm leaning toward

[Postpartum RN]

Yes you can go to the funeral. I am 27, and got my RN license at 21, so I started as a very young RN as well, and sometimes pts and families look differently at us as if we don't know anything because we are so young...so I know what you mean when you were referring to your age. You sound like an amazing nurse, they were blessed to have you on the day of his passing. Never lose this passion that you have for your pts.

[CBlover, BSN, RN]

I would go too. And kudos to you for your exceptional care.

[icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN]

I attended a viewing for an elderly and very grumpy man who seemed to have no one at all. Unbeknownst to me my former pt was financially well to do. His children were less than thrilled to meet me at the viewing.

It seems to me that people who suspect the worst of

others have something dark of their own that they are trying to hide. I have not attended a viewing or funeral since that experience.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

My paternal grandmother unexpectedly died of pneumonia at age 60 in a nursing home back in 1995. One of her nurses came to the funeral service and was weeping.

I will never forget the nurse who became emotionally attached to my grandmother, nor will I forget her presence at the funeral.

[nursel56]

I don't think there is a hard and fast answer to that question and as with so many things, it depends on the particulars of the nurse-patient interaction. I've attended several funerals as a private duty nurse, and always this was because I strongly believed it was the right thing to do, as I had become close to the family, as you have, Emily456.

As one of my siblings is an adult survivor of childhood leukemia and my subsequent employment at the hospital where he was treated I know how important it is for families who lose a loved one to see the faces of those who fought the battle with them at whatever ceremony or service is planned. So glad you were able to have this experience early on in your career, as for me such moments and the memory of them is a big part of why I go back to work despite the negatives we hear so much about.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

I have attended funerals of certain patients/residents with whom I bonded. It always made the families happy that their loved one's nurse would take the time to come pay last respects, but it was also good for me to have closure. Not that nursing is about the nurse, but we are human and we grieve just like everyone else. Attending the funeral of a special patient, unless the circumstances are such that it's not welcomed or the nurse can't control her/his emotions, isn't in poor taste at all IMHO.

[Nibbles1]

I always go if I am not scheduled to work or I ask if I can go.

[sallyrnrrt, ADN, RN]

same with me as Nibbles, thankyou for your excellent care

[Farawyn]

I've gone. If you feel you need to, go.

I'm sorry about your patient.