I work in an assisted living facility. I've worked there for only about half a year. I've got two patients: a husband and wife who lived in an apartment together. On the shift 3 days ago, the husband began to decline. yesterday, I came back into work and he was actively dying. I was the only nurse to truly take care of he, and his family, during his decline (we don't have a 3rd shift nurse, because we are assisted living and he really got bad over night). So as soon as I got in, even though I was off the clock, I medicated him immediately. Unfortunately he wasn't able to take mess PO anymore, so I had to give oxycodone rectally and the Ativan sublingually (due to its ability to dissolve easily), per his hospice nurses directions. I was doing my best to get liquid morphine for him all day. I hounded the doctor until he wrote the prescription and sent it right away. And called the pharmacy as soon as he sent it to make sure that would send it out IMMEDIATELY. Unfortunately pharmacy is 3 1/2 hours away and have no back ups. So I had to medicate him rectally and sublingually until they could deliver. All day I checked up on the family, especially his wife because she is my patient is was struggling tremendously with the pending loss. I made sure I was in the room every 2 hours, on the dot, to medicate him and make him as comfortable as possible. When my lunch break came I chose to sit with the family instead. Lots of tears lots of hugs. When the family stepped out I sat with his wife so she wouldn't be alone in her time of grief. At the end of my shift, the family called down in a panic. I felt for a pulse, listened for respirations. He was gone. They all hugged me telling me how thankful they were and how I was a great nurse. (I am a new nurse. I'm only 22. So I think they were surprised with how empathetic I was). This is why I became a nurse. I was to help people. And although this situation made me incredibly sad, I feel honored to have been there when this wonderful man left the world. And I feel honored to have been there for this lovely family in their time of need. My question is, is it appropriate to go to the funeral? When my grandfather passed, all of the nurses came and my mom was very touched.
I've asked myself multiple times if I should go. I've gone to two funerals. Once for a patient that I took care of multiple times, and once performed CPR on him in an elevator with his mother at his side. When he passed a few years after that code his mother asked me to be a paul bearer for his funeral. The entire family was very nice and so happy with the care that they had received. The second time I went for a patient becasue his wife asked me too. While there I was told, by his children, that I let him die. Never going back to another one.
Specializes in Med-Surg, Oncology, Neurology, Rehab.
I attended a viewing for an elderly and very grumpy man who seemed to have no one at all. Unbeknownst to me my former pt was financially well to do. His children were less than thrilled to meet me at the viewing.
It seems to me that people who suspect the worst of
others have something dark of their own that they are trying to hide. I have not attended a viewing or funeral since that experience.
It is amazing how relatives seem to show up when someone dies, to collect whatever they can, but they were not around when that person was living. Sad that money can 'bring' out the worst in people.
Specializes in pediatric neurology and neurosurgery.
I think it would be appropriate to go to his funeral, if you feel comfortable doing so. I go to the funerals of most of my patients who die, but I work peds and generally care for these patients for many weeks or months before they pass. I've built a relationship with the families by this point. Without exception, every family expresses how touched they are when their child's nurse(s) attend the funeral. And fortunately, I only lose around 3-4 patients a year.
I will add, however, that we must protect ourselves when bonding with our patients and families. Have appropriate boundaries, and know how to connect without crossing those boundaries. Overstepping them is the sure road to burn-out. And please, do not medicate while off the clock!
I've asked myself multiple times if I should go. I've gone to two funerals. Once for a patient that I took care of multiple times, and once performed CPR on him in an elevator with his mother at his side. When he passed a few years after that code his mother asked me to be a paul bearer for his funeral. The entire family was very nice and so happy with the care that they had received. The second time I went for a patient becasue his wife asked me too. While there I was told, by his children, that I let him die. Never going back to another one.
To Flyboy - that's sad. Sorry they did that to you.
To OP - working LTC, I've gone to many viewings and funerals right after my 11-7. Families were always most gracious and appreciative of my attendance. I always sign the register book as an employee of XYZ NH. It makes an impression on family that we facility staff do care for our residents as more than 'just patients'.
Also, sometimes it's beneficial for staff closure to see our pts 'at peace' and not like when they were at their sickest.
I think it's appropriate to go to a funeral if you were invited. In the LTC I used to work at when a resident passed, the family would leave funeral information in an area where all staff could see and invite everyone who was off to come. Usually several people did, especially if we knew they did not have a lot of family, and the nursing home would send flowers.
I seem to be in the minority here, but I'll give my thoughts regardless.
I do believe there are times it may be appropriate to attend a patient's funeral services, and I feel that the decision to do so ultimately depends on the individual nurse, family preferences, situation and other dynamics.
Personally, I think that spending one's lunch break grieving with the patient/family or otherwise making exceptions to normal standards (medicating while off the clock), easily leads into that slippery slope of crossing professional boundaries. When working, I feel the nurse should be the patient/families support, not be actively or outwardly grieving alongside them. Not to sound heartless, I just feel that in doing so, the nurse puts themselves into the role of active participant in the families situation, when their professional role is actually intended to be that of a supportive resource. We also place ourselves in situations in which the patients or families may expect "special treatments" from us because of their perceived closeness with us.
It's a fine line for sure, and certainly challenging to the nurse to be compassionate while maintaining professional boundaries.
I usually go to wakes but not funerals. That's mainly because I work in pediatric oncology and I don't want to listen to priests (everyone in this area is Catholic) give some homily about how God needed this child or some other nonsense to justify the unjustifiable.
I usually go to wakes but not funerals. That's mainly because I work in pediatric oncology and I don't want to listen to priests (everyone in this area is Catholic) give some homily about how God needed this child or some other nonsense to justify the unjustifiable.
Odd, I'm nearly 50. Raised Catholic. Never in my life have I heard a priest say this. And I worked in the peds arena for decades which included going to a number of funerals. Now I did once attend a funeral at a certain church (denomination intentionally left out) where I watched the officiant (sly way of making sure said denomination cannot be identified) actually screw up his face trying to make tears come out. Yes, he was actually faking crying. I really had to restrain myself from standing up and yelling "don't quit your day job you hack".
Flyboy17
112 Posts
I've asked myself multiple times if I should go. I've gone to two funerals. Once for a patient that I took care of multiple times, and once performed CPR on him in an elevator with his mother at his side. When he passed a few years after that code his mother asked me to be a paul bearer for his funeral. The entire family was very nice and so happy with the care that they had received. The second time I went for a patient becasue his wife asked me too. While there I was told, by his children, that I let him die. Never going back to another one.