would it be appropiate for me to attend the funeral?

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Hi. I worked on this case for 5 months with a 7 month old baby who just passed. I was doing private duty nursing for the baby. My agency gave me the service times and everything,but I was just wondering would it be appropiate? I was attached to the child very much. If it isn't appropiate to attend the funeral what other things could I do to show condolences?

Specializes in LTC.

I went to the funerals of several residents over the years that I have gotten close to. It was great closure for me, and as I had grown close to the families, too, it gave me a chance to say goodbye to that part of my relationship with them. Some families I have remained friends with - a very special bond. The last funeral I attended was for a resident who I sat with as she passed, knowing her family didn't want her to be alone but weren't able to be there. It would have been an insult had I not gone to her funeral.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

You would only be showing that you genuinely cared for the child you were working with, and that would probably mean a lot to the family. I know when my grandfather was dying one of the most comforting things to my grandmother was that it seemed like the nurses and aids cared and did not treat him like patient 123, but like a person. These parents are going through a very emotional time, which I'm sure you know, but at this stage I think any feelings of care towards them or their child will be seen as supportive and not inappropriate.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

Nothing wrong with attending the funeral. It means a lot to the families. {{{smartnurse}}} That's rough. Hugs.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Go!! , you want to, or you would not of posted this. there is NOTHING wrong with going, and maybe it would wrong if you did not. (((hugs)))

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med/Surg and ANCC RN-BC.

My feelings are that you should attend the funeral not only for closure, but also showing support to the family. Any passing is difficult, especially that of the child.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I think its very appropiate for you to attend. You were the baby's nurse for a long time.

There was a guy in my nursing class who was inspired to become a nurse because of the great way hospice nurses treated his father. They came to his dad's funeral and it meant the world to him & his family. I kid you not when I say this guy gave up a 6 figure job and went into nursing because he was so moved that the nurses came funeral and saw his dad as more then just a job.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Go!! , you want to, or you would not of posted this. there is NOTHING wrong with going, and maybe it would wrong if you did not. (((hugs)))

This was my thought, too. It sounds like you feel you need to go for both personal closure and support of the family. Once the funeral passes, you can't go back to that time. There's no harm in going, but it seems like from your posts that you might regret it if you don't. If you decide not to go, a card with a heartfelt message is always a genuine, caring gesture.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU, PICU, School Nursing, Case Mgt.

ABSOLUTELY you should attend the funeral.

I worked PICU and peds Heme/onc for years and the nurses would frequently attend the services for those kids that passed. The families were very appreciative.

Go!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Peds Homecare.

Smartnurse, I have been doing pediatric homecare for many, many years. When my "special kids", pass away I go. You are in a very unique situation. It is not like working in a nursing home, or hospital. The difference is like day and night. You are looked upon as part of the family, because they trusted you with their most precious child, in their home. When my little patients died, the moms hugged me and told me how much they appreciated me being there. You need to grieve just like they do. When J, died, all of us( 4 nurses) , were even part of the funeral. We all spoke about how much he meant to us,(this was by request of the parents) we made a little notebook for them with all the funny sayings he used to say. When A, died, I helped put out the luncheon after the service. To this day, when I see A's, grandma, she hugs me. So go,I always have, you and the parents, need you to be there. I'm sorry for your loss, gentle hugs and prayers.;)

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Absolutely appropriate. Go. I'm sure the family will be so touched by the gesture.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Thanks for the replies. Id never known it could hurt this much. Its like my own child passed away. I just get so nervous at funerals with the music and the crying. I tried to find out if the other nurses were going but the nurse manager said she didn't know. Thank you all on allnurses.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatric Pulmonology and Allergy.

This part of nursing always bothered me... we were taught in school that any expression of personal concern for a patient or their family when you're off duty was "enmeshment" and inappropriate. It's as if once a patient is not on your shift they cease to exist. It's a denial of our humanity. When you've cared for a patient for an extended period of time it's natural to have developed some feelings for them and want to pay your last respects.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment