Anxiety has taken over

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I'm in my 2nd career and have been a nurse for 4 years. My first job was in the ER and I have worked the past 2 years in a critical care unit at a different hospital than the ER. I have a very challenging patient population and these past 2 years have been tough. Sure, the patients can be difficult at times, but they're easier to deal with than the staff and management.

I had a difficult transition to my current job and was beaten down by my peers for what I didn't know. Given my age, I think many of my coworkers expected me to be much more experienced, but I'd only been an RN for 2 years. It seems they'd rather tell on you than teach you something if you do something wrong or not to their liking.

About a year and a half ago, I started having anxiety. It got so bad that I went to the ER and they were concerned as my SBP were 160's, mildly tachy, SOB, and I was diaphoretic, which are far from the norm. I did the whole workup of a stress test, troponins etc. All negative, but they did give me some ativan and that was the only thing that calmed me down at all. (It's the first time I ever had any benzos)

All of this anxiety stems from the constant "beatdowns" I was taking and to the point I've made it seem as though everyone is saying stuff despite the fact I do my job. Nobody has said anything to me (nor would they ever because the culture where I'm at is that mgmt wants to field the hearsay and gossip rather than encourage adult behavior and engaging in mature conversation between us. If I've seen co-workers I've followed do something wrong, I talk about it rather than escalate something that doesn't need to be escalated. The whole thing is way out of control and I have bouts of insomnia, binge eat, and just plain sucks.

I feel like I can't approach mgmt because they really don't care and are unapproachable about such matters. I would go to a new positions, but the only thing keeping me here is the $ I'd lose to not work weekends, which is a pretty substantial cut on a single earner household. Would the typical EAP program be something that would be beneficial? Anyone else been through the same cycle?

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It can't hurt to talk to EAP, they can make suggestions that can help you deal with stress, anxiety, insominia and binge eating. If I was working in a hostile work environment and it was causing me health problems, I would find another job, my health is more important than a pay cut. Like you, I'm a sole provider and know from experience that work life balance helps me to persevere over the long run.

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Have you ever thought about asking them directly why they acted like they did? You've been giving them permission to make you suffer.I agree probably too late for this job, I do wish you well in your next position.

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

I became a nurse at age 40, so I know what you mean re: age influencing perception of experience. I am now going on 46 and this past Fall I left the bedside because the level of anxiety I was feeling got in the way of a normal thought process. I was sleeping poorly/fitfully, having nightmares about work sometimes, binge eating, fatigued, irritable, withdrawn. I decided it was time for a change.

I managed to leave with a pay raise instead of a cut, though when you figure out the difference in benefits it is truly a wash. However, I am super fine with it. Not living that way, feeling myself literally aging prematurely, was worth it.

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I've had anxiety before and it's hard to quell without a change in environment. Plus changing poor relationships in a high stress job with concurrent anxiety would seem pretty insurmountable.

I would want to take my significant work knowledge and experience with me to a fresh start.

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You did mention how you believe your coworkers are saying unpleasant things about you, but how do you speak to yourself? Is negative self-talk undermining you and contributing to your anxiety?

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You might find an old thread of mine "Do we need to take drugs.. in order to do our job?" helpful.

You are taking a scheduled drug.. even if it is prescribed... it could become a big issue with your licensure.

"The only thing keeping me here is the $ I'd lose to not work weekends". You could possibly make even more money in a new position.

Your sanity and well-being is priceless.

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All of this anxiety stems from the constant "beatdowns" I was taking and to the point I've made it seem as though everyone is saying stuff despite the fact I do my job. Nobody has said anything to me (nor would they ever because the culture where I'm at is that mgmt wants to field the hearsay and gossip rather than encourage adult behavior and engaging in mature conversation between us. If I've seen co-workers I've followed do something wrong, I talk about it rather than escalate something that doesn't need to be escalated. The whole thing is way out of control and I have bouts of insomnia, binge eat, and just plain sucks.

Okay, I'm confused. If no one has said anything to you, how do you know they are talking about you? Or how do you even know they don't respect your abilities? What are you referring to when you say you are getting "beatdowns," but in the next breath you say that no one actually says anything to you?

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I'm not a nurse, so feel free to ignore this, but it sounds like you're letting other people affect the way you feel about yourself way too much. If you know you're doing the best job you can, and you're a good nurse, that's all that matters. It sounds like your self esteem is hinging on their opinions of you. That kind of problem would just follow you to the next job and the next. Be direct with them: "If I mess up, please tell me to my face. I'm still learning/I would appreciate your input." Confrontation is uncomfortable but they'll respect you more. Sometimes you have to call people out on their BS (in as a polite/professional way as possible.) I encountered this kind of thing when I worked in sales and found being direct and open shut the gossip down and I actually made friends with some of my previous "enemies" at work.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

By all means, use your EAP resources. That's what they're for. If nothing else, they can point you in the right direction, with the appropriate referrals for additional support/treatment.

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I know people talked about me because they'd complain to management and then I'd get called into the office to discuss the gripes they.had. this went on quite a bit early and things calmed down hearing from management, but the feeling that they're still saying stuff continues. I recognize it's an illogical process, but the problem stems from management being more interested in fielding gossip and hearsay than telling the person complaing about me or anyone for that matter to work it out themselves. It's just a poor way to manage and the cattiness is far worse than I expected.

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Okay, I'm confused. If no one has said anything to you, how do you know they are talking about you? Or how do you even know they don't respect your abilities? What are you referring to when you say you are getting "beatdowns," but in the next breath you say that no one actually says anything to you?

My presumption is that management is coming to her with BS that was tattled by her coworkers.

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