Anxiety has taken over

[IndyRN12]

I'm in my 2nd career and have been a nurse for 4 years. My first job was in the ER and I have worked the past 2 years in a critical care unit at a different hospital than the ER. I have a very challenging patient population and these past 2 years have been tough. Sure, the patients can be difficult at times, but they're easier to deal with than the staff and management.

I had a difficult transition to my current job and was beaten down by my peers for what I didn't know. Given my age, I think many of my coworkers expected me to be much more experienced, but I'd only been an RN for 2 years. It seems they'd rather tell on you than teach you something if you do something wrong or not to their liking.

About a year and a half ago, I started having anxiety. It got so bad that I went to the ER and they were concerned as my SBP were 160's, mildly tachy, SOB, and I was diaphoretic, which are far from the norm. I did the whole workup of a stress test, troponins etc. All negative, but they did give me some ativan and that was the only thing that calmed me down at all. (It's the first time I ever had any benzos)

All of this anxiety stems from the constant "beatdowns" I was taking and to the point I've made it seem as though everyone is saying stuff despite the fact I do my job. Nobody has said anything to me (nor would they ever because the culture where I'm at is that mgmt wants to field the hearsay and gossip rather than encourage adult behavior and engaging in mature conversation between us. If I've seen co-workers I've followed do something wrong, I talk about it rather than escalate something that doesn't need to be escalated. The whole thing is way out of control and I have bouts of insomnia, binge eat, and just plain sucks.

I feel like I can't approach mgmt because they really don't care and are unapproachable about such matters. I would go to a new positions, but the only thing keeping me here is the $ I'd lose to not work weekends, which is a pretty substantial cut on a single earner household. Would the typical EAP program be something that would be beneficial? Anyone else been through the same cycle?

[Maevish, ASN, RN]

I'm in my 2nd career and have been a nurse for 4 years. My first job was in the ER and I have worked the past 2 years in a critical care unit at a different hospital than the ER. I have a very challenging patient population and these past 2 years have been tough. Sure, the patients can be difficult at times, but they're easier to deal with than the staff and management.

I had a difficult transition to my current job and was beaten down by my peers for what I didn't know. Given my age, I think many of my coworkers expected me to be much more experienced, but I'd only been an RN for 2 years. It seems they'd rather tell on you than teach you something if you do something wrong or not to their liking.

About a year and a half ago, I started having anxiety. It got so bad that I went to the ER and they were concerned as my SBP were 160's, mildly tachy, SOB, and I was diaphoretic, which are far from the norm. I did the whole workup of a stress test, troponins etc. All negative, but they did give me some ativan and that was the only thing that calmed me down at all. (It's the first time I ever had any benzos)

All of this anxiety stems from the constant "beatdowns" I was taking and to the point I've made it seem as though everyone is saying stuff despite the fact I do my job. Nobody has said anything to me (nor would they ever because the culture where I'm at is that mgmt wants to field the hearsay and gossip rather than encourage adult behavior and engaging in mature conversation between us. If I've seen co-workers I've followed do something wrong, I talk about it rather than escalate something that doesn't need to be escalated. The whole thing is way out of control and I have bouts of insomnia, binge eat, and just plain sucks.

I feel like I can't approach mgmt because they really don't care and are unapproachable about such matters. I would go to a new positions, but the only thing keeping me here is the $ I'd lose to not work weekends, which is a pretty substantial cut on a single earner household. Would the typical EAP program be something that would be beneficial? Anyone else been through the same cycle?

OMG I so know how you are feeling! I never got any prescriptions for it, but I would just feel sick to my stomach/nauseated every time I had to work, and usually with one specific person. It's the worst, and made my blood pressure go up very consistently. I had done something in a code that was the right call (even the doctor running it said it was the right thing to do and praised me), but it was the opposite of what this more senior nurse, who was acting as house super that night, had told me.

She came back to the nursing station in ICU (I'd been the float nurse so I'd got to the code automatically) and berated me in front of everybody and I didn't have the presence of mind to say anything back. I think I was just too shocked at the time. She'd always been one of those people who were looking for others to screw up, especially if you weren't one of her buddies.

It sounds petty, but it makes for a very uncomfortable work environment and is uncalled for. I don't know what to tell you, but I just kept my head down and did the job the best I could. I never was able to be anything more than civil after that, but I did my job and went on. You have a different scenario because of your age, but they need to take that into account and maybe you should say something. Very politely, but tell them you're a newer nurse and are learning just like someone younger than you would be.

I'm sorry you've been made to feel like this, but there's no quick fix unless the other nurses are open to being cordial and changing their ways. A lot of times I just get the "that's just so-and-so" remark and no on ever says anything because they've just dealt with it for years and years.

Good luck and I hope things get better! :) xo

[MochaFiend]

So what field of nursing did you move on to?

I became a nurse at age 40, so I know what you mean re: age influencing perception of experience. I am now going on 46 and this past Fall I left the bedside because the level of anxiety I was feeling got in the way of a normal thought process. I was sleeping poorly/fitfully, having nightmares about work sometimes, binge eating, fatigued, irritable, withdrawn. I decided it was time for a change.

I managed to leave with a pay raise instead of a cut, though when you figure out the difference in benefits it is truly a wash. However, I am super fine with it. Not living that way, feeling myself literally aging prematurely, was worth it.

[shell1983]

I am so sorry that you are going through this tough time in your career. I would suggest talking to the hospital EAP. Also what about transferring to another unit in the same hospital? I am hoping things get better for you soon.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

Would the typical EAP program be something that would be beneficial? Anyone else been through the same cycle?

I've utilized EAP in the past and am currently seeing a counselor for issues related to free floating anxiety. Yes, I would say that seeking professional help is advantageous. It sure beats living an overly anxious life.

[jrobbin44]

I've found the same applies in my job. I think it is a hospital thing and am really ready to move on. No matter what, we are defenseless against any accusations/gossip/drama reported to our directors. Even if they know for a fact that the report is innacurate, we still get that mark against us, even if it isn't on the "permanent record". Stresses me out just to think about going to work .