Another one bites the dust...

[Umberlee]

...another rehabilitation contract, that is.

So it's official: after four years of guilt, shame, tears, re-examining life and rebuilding my career from the ground up, I was released from my monitoring contract February 4.

I was commended by my case manager for "exemplary" conduct during my contract, although I did have a rough patch there with missing weekend call-ins that could have resulted in contract extension (but luckily just resulted in a warning).

I'm not going to lie, I'm a little bit terrified at how strong the urges have hit me this week now that I know I don't have to test anymore. But I'm using the skills I've developed in these last four years and I am determined not to let these urges get the best of me. I know they will never go away completely but I think if I can just quell them these first few weeks free and clear of UAs they will become much less torturous.

I wish people in general understood how freaking hard it is to be an addict, or whatever you want to call people like us (I personally cringe at being labeled an "addict," but if the shoe fits...) I have been clean for four years, but there is still this itch burning inside me that screams to be scratched. It will stay there for the rest of my life and jump out at me when I least expect it...and I must never EVER give into it. I wish people knew how painful and difficult it is to fight this. And to fight this forever.

At an AA meeting I went to once an attendee talked about how he thought alcoholics and addicts are really the strongest people there are because of this burden that we have to carry. I keep telling myself that...how strong I am, how okay this is going to be, how I can do this and I will do this.

The real journey starts here...

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

Good for you!

[subee, MSN, CRNA]

Remember that there are lots of nurses who are never "free" of monitoring. Employment drug screens, adverse event drug screens, etc. all help to dampen that itch. And lots of good vibes coming from here. Congratulations to you for having the patience and foresight to complete a four year program.

[TXRN2]

Congrats, Umberlee!!!! Such a huge accomplishment!!! about the urges- never, ever let your guard down

[HunnieBadger]

Congrats! You are strong and I have faith that you will continue to be. We are fighters, and it's true our war is never ending. Just take it one day, one minute or one second at a time.

Hunnie

[MichelleRN34, ADN, RN]

Awesome .. Congrats.. Let's take it one day at a time :)

[Oogie]

A great big "WHAAAA HOOO TO YOU", you've paid your due now enjoy your freedom. Its a great feeling to have pried yourself away from past mistakes. That is your strength in maintaining your sobriety tho... Ya never want to do that again! I'm happy to hear another success story..... Peace

[Sam J.]

Remember that there are lots of nurses who are never "free" of monitoring. Employment drug screens, adverse event drug screens, etc. all help to dampen that itch. And lots of good vibes coming from here. Congratulations to you for having the patience and foresight to complete a four year program.

Not to mention cameras, video recordings in the work place, and the overall loss of privacy and move to monitor not only employees, but even people walking down the street. We are all being watched and monitored in many ways, OP: I hope you take this to heart. It might even allow your itch to resolve itself, without your having to scratch it...

[amygarside]

That's great to hear.

Keep it up!

[Tina, RN]

Congratulations to you! Stay strong, you can do it. :)

[Beautiful Mind RN]

"And another one gone, and another one gone..."

Queen - Another One Bites the Dust with lyrics - YouTube

Best of luck to you. :)

[kungpoopanda]

Well done. Stay strong and well.