Am I wrong to feel this way?

[NightNurseRN]

So, long story short a family member of mine had a surgery and is admitted to the hospital I work at. His wife complains to me about things that I sometimes take personally since the nurse she's complaining about could just as well be me. She was mad because he was in pain after coming back from a diagnostic test, saying "I knew I should have went, they were just too rough with him and didnt move him correctly!" I felt like saying, yeah that OR it could be the fact that he had surgery two days ago!! Then today she was mad because they left her sitting in a cold waiting room and no one contacted her or updated her on her husbands small procedure that he was getting. She made a big scene and the pt. liason came to see her later. When she told me this she kept saying how cold she was and how cold the room was. I feel kind of bad because I just said, "well everything isnt perfect, but we should be thankful Eddie is doing ok!". She seemed a little upset that I wasn't upset with her. Am I wrong to feel annoyed at her? I know the nurses that work there and I KNOW they try their hardest to please pts but I sometimes just wish that people could see behind the scenes to know that. The funny thing is her husband was not complaining, it always seems to be her! I keep wanting to say, this isn't about YOU! Ok sorry, done venting now! :)

[mamamerlee, LPN]

You are not wrong to feel anyway you want! Try to refocus her to her hubby's needs - what she can be doing for him by herself. She needs to know what things she can control - like getting him fresh water, applying lotion to his legs, etc.

You are the 'face' of the hospital for her, and she is hoping you will intervene in her behalf. Cluck along with her just a little bit, explaining that you have no influence in that department. She needs a sympathetic ear, but you need your own peace, as well.

[nursel56]

No, you're not wrong to feel that way. Hospital life just has discomforts associated with it. She probably doesn't expect you to be able to do anything about it anyway, she just wanted to talk. Now she has the patient liaison she can can b*tch to. . .:)

I'm like you, though. I would never allow a family member to rope me into a game of "aren't those other nurses soo awful. . ." All you can do is say, "wow, that must have been hard for you" and things like that, without fuelling the conversation any further. Most of the time people will move on if they aren't getting the "payoff" they wanted or expected from you.

[fungez]

She's mad because she's probably an attention addict, and with her husband now the focus, she's not getting the attention she wants, so she kicks up a fuss about everything and anything. Room's too cold? Complain about til patient relations comes to kiss her butt. It's not a bit about her husband, it's all about her. Anytime you try and make her happy she'll find something else to nitpick. Her behavior is probably deeply ingrained and part of her personality. I do feel sorry for her husband, though. Death will probably be a sweet release.

[PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN]

Just one of the General Public.

Typical.

Don't let her annoy you. Put her on I-G-N-O-R-E.

[tewdles, RN]

Of course she loves him...but I would bet the focus of their marriage has been her, her needs, her desires...etc.

I see situations like this ALL THE TIME in hospice...although it escalates to new and dangerous levels when these egocentric family members begin to change symptom management plans to meet their needs rather than the patient's. Suddenly the painful patient is not getting his morphine or similar because it interferes with the egotists ability to talk with them, etc...

You get to choose how to deal with them based upon how much time you must spend them...as mentioned above...IGNORE may be the best and easiest option for many...

what a crummy situation.

[shiccy]

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[shiccy]

Death will probably be a sweet release.

yikes she didn't say he was passing! He's family, too!

[IHeartPeds87]

I have to say, I'm a little surprised at the lack of empathy in many of the above posts.

To the OP: I know its hard, and I completely understand your position. Having worked as an aide, I know that people complain about anything and everything.

I have also, however, been the family member of a patient. When my mom was in the hospital for surgery, I became that same inpatient, b****y family member that yelled at everyone and was just an annoying family member. I was a pain in the a**. I realize that now, and I am truly sorry for the way I acted. The truth was though, that my frustration had absolutely nothing to do with the coldness of the room, or how "slow" the nurses were (which they in fact weren't, but I was frustrated and took it out on the people who were there....which, is ofcourse, the nurse).

I worked in healthcare. I knew how hard these people were working. But that day, in that hospital, I didn't care. All I knew was "that's my mother in there, she's uncomfortable, make her better NOW" and because unfortunately life doesn't work that way, I became unreasonable.

None of this, ofcourse, is the fault of the nurses. Unfortunately however, being in the unique position of being the largest group in the hospital, and being the people who are always right there, they get the brunt of it.

I am not saying this is right. Ofcourse, it isn't right. All i'm saying is that hospitals are stressful. No one who is in there is happy about being there. It is especially hard on family members, who aren't the patient but are going through their own issues due to a loved one being in the hospital.

Again, to the OP: you are right. But it's my guess, and maybe i'm wrong here, but maybe the wife is just frustrated that her husband is in pain, or is in that situation in the first place. Maybe she was the "star" of their lives, and no longer gets the attention. Whatever it is, this can't be an easy time in her life.

All i'm saying is that I would doubt that the real issue was the coldness of the room.

My advice to the OP? Be as sympathethic as you can. Next time she complains about the room being cold, say something to the effect of "I know it's really tough, and really, with suffering, everything just seems like it sucks." Keep diverting the attention back to the real reason you guys are there in the first place: the patient.

Healthcare is a tough place to work. You see a lot of angry, bitter, unreasonable people. I always complained about it...until I was in that situation and I became that angry, bitter, unreasonable person. And believe me...i'm not an angry, bitter, or unreasonable person! It doesn't make it right. It' s just that I think in healthcare, you see people at their worst, when they are most vulnerable.

Anyway, that's my honest opinion...

[Turtle in scrubs]

Procedures are rarely "small" when they are happening to you or a loved one. It's scary and when you don't have any control over the situation sometimes it is easy to obsess about those things and even blame the people who do have control. Sounds like she just needed a sympathetic ear.

As other posters stated I would have pointed out that the focus was so intensely on the patient and anything (like updating her or turning up the thermostat) would have diverted attention away from his care. Sometimes when I have family members going off on tangents I remind them (nicely) that my time is limited and my focus is on the patient. Sometimes it even works

[Ruthiegal]

She was probably scared and anxious and that's how it presented itself. Maybe he has been the strong one in the marriage and focused on her, and now that is threatened... give her some room to vent and let it go....

[steelcityrn, RN]

haha...this is a funny post! I'm sure it was not supposed to be, but this is classic stuff!