I know that I have to try to get along with everyone, especially teachers. I have made it through 3 semesters with B's, I am never late/absent, I don't talk back, am NOT a know-it-all, and try not to disrespect anyone. However, I am an older woman(40+), a little on the large side, sometimes not the sharpest tool in the shed, and laugh a little too loud. Now, I feel like my last two clinical instructors are not very friendly towards me, have little patience, and are sometimes downright rude. It kind of hurts my feelings-because I feel that most everyone else gets treated with more respect, even down to more eye contact or engaging conversations. Is it my age? My weight? I feel if it were my clinical performance that was lacking, then I wouldn't be passing at all. For instance, today I had a real exciting day(and good day, per my RN I worked with) at clinical; I did alot of procedures that other students have not done; and when it came my turn at post-conference to report, it seems like all my teacher wanted to do was to pick apart everthing I said to make me sound inept. Everyone else got the "great job" treatment except me. And this always happens! My motto is starting to be "less info, less criticism" at post conference. My classmates sympathize with me because they see it happening to me too; and I try to tell myself that as long as my patients like/trust me, I do my work well, and pass, that is all that matters. Anyway, I would appreciate any suggestions on how to deal with this...am I really unlikable?
I had a tough time in my first semester of Med/Surg, and my instructor was pretty tough on me. A number of my classmates noted that she didn't like me because I was a male. I was making straight As at the time, and I think I did okay when I was with patients, but I was in danger of not advancing because of my careplans.
Thing is, the instructor was pretty friendly with another guy in my clinical group. His clinical skills were good, classwork so-so, and he advised me to do my careplans by copying from the book--so I'm assuming his were nothing spectacular. So I found it hard to believe she was anti-male. Maybe she just didn't like me?
At one point, she went so far as to ask whether I even really wanted to be there, because it looked like I was bored. Bored??? Exhausted, at times, yes. Paralyzed with anxiety at times, yes. But bored?
I'm glad she brought it up, because we had a long talk, and she did everything she could to help, after that. I did all I could to help myself, as well. My next CI was a more comfortable fit, personality-wise, and been filled in by the previous one on where I most needed help, and in time I sorta kinda got the hang of careplanning and made it through, and even had fun once in awhile.
Now, none of this may apply at all to the OP, but my advice to anyone is not to be too hasty to feel discriminated against. In my case, there was no room to argue that my careplans sucked. I worked very hard at them, but they gave me fits. (Sadly, I have to say, I probably learned a lot from those @$%&**! things.) If I had taken it personally or reacted defensively or assumed discrimination, I could have seriously messed myself up. As it was, I learned some useful lessons that I carry with me as a working nurse. In particular, one of the hardest tasks a new nurse faces is self-evaluation. When you start practicing, a lot of well-meaning people will tell you you're doing great. A few may be overly critical. Encouragement is wonderful and constructive criticism is important, but it gets hard to know who to believe. Comes a point when you have to be able to take an objective look at yourself and figure out for yourself "How am I doing?" because that's nearly all you really have to go by.
It's important and necessary to listen to the feedback you get from your instructors. They decide whether you pass or fail--plus, a lot of them really do know what they're talking about. If they say you specifically need to work on something, you do. But as far as not being friendly or not saying "good job," that kind of thing is pretty extraneous and you can't let it distract you.
I was talking to myself at work, one night, and a coworker teasingly observed (at least, I think she was teasing...) that I wasn't afraid to pat myself on the back, was I. And I told her maybe the smartest thing I've ever said in my nursing career: "I would never leave something that important to someone else." Because I think every working nurse has done good stuff--even great stuff--that no one else was ever going to notice.
You have to be your own harshest critic and your own biggest fan--it's too important to leave to someone else.
In particular, one of the hardest tasks a new nurse faces is self-evaluation. When you start practicing, a lot of well-meaning people will tell you you're doing great. A few may be overly critical. Encouragement is wonderful and constructive criticism is important, but it gets hard to know who to believe. ...
You have to be your own harshest critic and your own biggest fan--it's too important to leave to someone else.
Wow! Great post! ... and Allnurses classic.
Maybe we should establish an archive for some of the best posts in allnurses history! ... Or a Hall of Fame. I'd nominate this one for inclusion.
As an older student, you know that your intuitions are usually right on, as you are experienced in life/professional work enuf to be critical of someone else's performance. Heck, in your previous professional position, its just possible... this person might not have lasted long under your employ. Remember... not everybody is cut out to be teaching. That is the hard part, you can't fire anybody (shoot!) so...
Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Sometimes you just don't click with another person.
I'm thinking you and your clinical instructor just aren't communicating effectively. You say one thing, she or he hears another, tension grows, and the communication block gets larger. Sure, you could just lay low and hang in there till semester ends. But if you do, I bet the feeling will stay with you long past school's end. Will you be able to brush off those feelings and move on? Some folks can, but I know it would eat at me.
I feel you deserve respect and the chance to grow each day of your schooling. How do you feel about a meeting with the clinical instructor away from the clinical setting to set things straight. Acknowledge that you know she is trying to guide you, but some of her message is not getting through, that the feedback is all critical. Your Lead instructor or another trusted faculty member could be a great help here, to act as a mediator. (The presence of a mediator can help keep the whole thing on a professional, objective level.)
Please keep an open mind and really listen to the instructor's suggestions for changes she feels you need to make in your behavior and in your presentation of understanding. Describe your side of the situation with the same descriptive and analytical skills you use to describe any nursing problem. She can learn from you too you know.
All that said, If the instructor is behaving unprofessionally, that needs to stop. I don't know the situation at your school, and how much a risk you would be taking by speaking up. You have to weigh the pros and cons for yourself.
I wish you well, no matter what way you chose to handle this.
It sounds like you are preceiving something that is not there, and you are trying to use your weight as a scape goat. If that's not the case, perhaps it is your preception/attitude of "not being liked" that is causing the instructor to not be friendly.
Nah, I don't agree...it's completely possible that her instructor may have a problem with her. Sometimes, instructors like to have what former classmates and I called "the goat". You didn't have to be a bad student, a lazy student etc to be the goat either.
Our last semester, one of my friends was the goat...this woman had gotten glowing reviews from other clinical instructors previously, got good grades, patients liked and trusted her. For whatever reason, this instructor just disliked her. Come to find out, every semester this instructor picked one person to crap all over without fail. I swear, this instructor had her own little support group going consisting of former goats!
OP, there is nothing really to be done about this short of going to the Dean if it gets really unreasonable. But, even that solution isn't perfect because you may mark yourself out as a troublemaker. Just get through it the best you can, keep your skills and grades up, and keep your goal in sight.
These instructors have prejudices sometimes...sometimes they hate the men students, sometimes they hate you if you work or are older or have kids...because these groups don't fit the old school mold of what a NS student used to be(ie fresh out of high school, middle class, female and white). Not all are like this but they're still out there.
We had a clinical instructor (thankfully I never had the pleasure of her company) who actually told one of my fellow students (a seasoned EN doing her RN) that she always made sure to fail at least two students a year no matter what.
I think it's possible that she's making you a target. I've given the same advice here on allnurses and I'll do it again.
People who bully by targeting like an individual like you described like to have their ego stoked because they do it to make themselves feel good. Don't be obvious about it but sort of pretend to be in awe of her and pay attention to every word she says and act as though you really want to win her approval. You may be lying through your teeth but you need to get through this clinical placement to get your license. Just grin and bear it, play her by pandering to her and when your done and have your license report her to the school if you feel that her behaviour is bad enough.
My opinion is that regardless of what this clinical instructor thinks of you, you need to remember why your there and that's to be a nurse. He or she may not like your personally because of your weight, your age, your personality or they might just find you annoying but either way it really doesn't matter because your not there to make friends. In all honesty you could be misinterpreting what they intend as constructive criticism as spiteful comments. Either way the best thing for you to do is to make sure that in the presence of this instructor you should try to remember to be as prepared and professional as possible and if you feel that are being unnecessarily harsh then I would write down and keep track of the date, time and what the comment was that they made. If you really feel that you were being singled out then I would speak with the instructor privately and ask what you could do to improve your performance in the clinical setting (avoid accusing or asking if they having something against you because even if they do they will deny it.) By asking what you can do to improve it will show that you are committed to improving yourself and if they honestly don't like you then they will probably not offer anything constructive. I'd say that nine times out of ten the instructor is probably just being hard on you to try to get you to do better. But for that one out of ten that doesn't like you then you just have to do your best to be prepared, be professional and when that fails just clinch your teeth and smile because for a truly bitter, mean person nothing is worse then seeing a person you don't like smiling and in a good mood.
Specializes in med-surg 5 years geriatrics 12 years.
I had an instructor who seemed to be riding my tail all the time and was very rude, bordering on hateful. And then one day I had an " ah ha " moment. I realized that she wasn't judging me by my classmates abilities but rather pushing me to do better, go farther than my classmates. Suddenly her behavior made sense. Could that be the case for you ?
It sounds like you are preceiving something that is not there, and you are trying to use your weight as a scape goat. If that's not the case, perhaps it is your preception/attitude of "not being liked" that is causing the instructor to not be friendly.
I have to disagree with this. Inland, are you fat? If you're not, then you have no right assuming that she is using her weight as a "scapegoat". If you are overweight, then obviously you have used your weight as a "scapegoat"...
Being a fat nurse myself (fat and happy) I seriously doubt the OP is using her weight as a "scapegoat". . The OP is very worried that her instructors don't like her and she's combing through all the possible reasons why the are treating her like this.
This is very real to the OP and I doubt highly that she is making it up in her head. I disagree with all the posters that say this. YES, this is happening to her. IT DOES HAPPEN, I've seen it first hand.
To the OP, there are two things that you can do, EITHER 1. very nicely confront the instructor and ask her if there is something that you're doing wrong that you can fix. More than likely, if the instructor finds out you feel this way, she will change her attitude towards you and stop being such a pain towards you. ...... or.... 2. Keep your mouth shut,,, do your VERY BEST and get through nursing school... Never look back.
There are people who discriminate against obese people in this world, I saw it happen in my clinicals to a young woman who was in every other way an excellent student and had excellent clinical performance. She was morbidly obese, but was strong and light on her feet.
I've noticed, and this is purely anecdotal, that those who seem most critical of the morbidly obese are those with a weight problem themselves. At my last job the education nurse was morbidly obese and the nurses who would make fun of her all were obese themselves. I thought that was ironic.
, just lay low, play the game. Get it done. 
nursemike, ASN, RN
1 Article; 2,362 Posts
I had a tough time in my first semester of Med/Surg, and my instructor was pretty tough on me. A number of my classmates noted that she didn't like me because I was a male. I was making straight As at the time, and I think I did okay when I was with patients, but I was in danger of not advancing because of my careplans.
Thing is, the instructor was pretty friendly with another guy in my clinical group. His clinical skills were good, classwork so-so, and he advised me to do my careplans by copying from the book--so I'm assuming his were nothing spectacular. So I found it hard to believe she was anti-male. Maybe she just didn't like me?
At one point, she went so far as to ask whether I even really wanted to be there, because it looked like I was bored. Bored??? Exhausted, at times, yes. Paralyzed with anxiety at times, yes. But bored?
I'm glad she brought it up, because we had a long talk, and she did everything she could to help, after that. I did all I could to help myself, as well. My next CI was a more comfortable fit, personality-wise, and been filled in by the previous one on where I most needed help, and in time I sorta kinda got the hang of careplanning and made it through, and even had fun once in awhile.
Now, none of this may apply at all to the OP, but my advice to anyone is not to be too hasty to feel discriminated against. In my case, there was no room to argue that my careplans sucked. I worked very hard at them, but they gave me fits. (Sadly, I have to say, I probably learned a lot from those @$%&**! things.) If I had taken it personally or reacted defensively or assumed discrimination, I could have seriously messed myself up. As it was, I learned some useful lessons that I carry with me as a working nurse. In particular, one of the hardest tasks a new nurse faces is self-evaluation. When you start practicing, a lot of well-meaning people will tell you you're doing great. A few may be overly critical. Encouragement is wonderful and constructive criticism is important, but it gets hard to know who to believe. Comes a point when you have to be able to take an objective look at yourself and figure out for yourself "How am I doing?" because that's nearly all you really have to go by.
It's important and necessary to listen to the feedback you get from your instructors. They decide whether you pass or fail--plus, a lot of them really do know what they're talking about. If they say you specifically need to work on something, you do. But as far as not being friendly or not saying "good job," that kind of thing is pretty extraneous and you can't let it distract you.
I was talking to myself at work, one night, and a coworker teasingly observed (at least, I think she was teasing...) that I wasn't afraid to pat myself on the back, was I. And I told her maybe the smartest thing I've ever said in my nursing career: "I would never leave something that important to someone else." Because I think every working nurse has done good stuff--even great stuff--that no one else was ever going to notice.
You have to be your own harshest critic and your own biggest fan--it's too important to leave to someone else.