I had very lax parents myself. I can remember being spanked once in my entire life. I got grounded a few times once I reached high school and for good reasons, but other than that I didn't really receive discipline much from my parents. My husbands family on the other hand is in favor of spanking; at one point I though I was too but am now against it...but still have to stifle laughs when I hear a parent say, "use your words" to a kid throwing a tantrum; maybe because I am yet to see this work.
I am in Community Nursing this semester. The placement I am at has a brochure on why you should not spank. The brochure was very informative on why you should not spank but it lacked any information on alternative ways to correct behavior/discipline. I chose not to had this out because I felt the information was not complete. Not being a parent yet myself, I did not feel equip to give alternatives if asked once the brochure was read and the client found that no alternatives were included.
I dont think that a little spanking will make a child dread coming home,we are not talking about physical abuse here,and there is no fine line of either,so lets not make such case about it.
I think 17 pages of debate is enough evidence that this is indeed a very grey area full of fine lines. People have vastly different views of what "spanking" even is, how it should be administered, and what circumstances warrant it.
So is it okay then for your child or teenager to hit someone as long as it was only a little hit? We must think about what we are teaching our children - actions speak louder than words!
So is it okay then for your child or teenager to hit someone as long as it was only a little hit? We must think about what we are teaching our children - actions speak louder than words!
Sometimes it IS ok to hit other people.
You should also teach your children that hitting is NOT always bad.
Next time I see a crime go down I'll just stand still because hitting is bad.
Like my father always said. 'Never start the fight. Always end it.'
Nothing to me is worse than having my kids fear me and are miserable in their daily lives due to my disciplinary actions.
(NOt talking about extreme punishment but refering to the beat down of a child's worth for the sake of teaching)
Punishment is individual but I would never sacrifice my kids happiness and feeling of security. That is how I was raised. To this day my mother still does not realize she did this to her kids. And still she gives advice like her actions were spot on.
I wonder how many parents out there do this without realizing.
So is it okay then for your child or teenager to hit someone as long as it was only a little hit? We must think about what we are teaching our children - actions speak louder than words!
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My parents hit me occasionally and I never start physical fight never were in physical fight so I dont know about that action speak louder than voice.
If most of the parents in this thread believe in non-spanking discipline than no wonder that our own children call police on us.That is all I got to say.
Nothing to me is worse than having my kids fear me and are miserable in their daily lives due to my disciplinary actions.
(NOt talking about extreme punishment but refering to the beat down of a child's worth for the sake of teaching)
Punishment is individual but I would never sacrifice my kids happiness and feeling of security. That is how I was raised. To this day my mother still does not realize she did this to her kids. And still she gives advice like her actions were spot on.
I wonder how many parents out there do this without realizing.
I agree with what you say, but I think children should have a healthy fear of their parents. My daughter will mind me on first command because I use to spank her, and it wasn't on a daily basis even when I did. But, I don't have to spank her any more....matter of fact, I don't think she has been spanked this year.
If most of the parents in this thread believe in non-spanking discipline than no wonder that our own children call police on us.That is all I got to say.
i'm not sure that's entirely fair to say about non-spanking parents.
if any of my teens called the cops (w/o valid reason), they would not remain in my house for long.
You should also teach your children that hitting is NOT always bad.
Next time I see a crime go down I'll just stand still because hitting is bad.
Like my father always said. 'Never start the fight. Always end it.'
My middle daughter is nearly 5, an age where relationships are interesting at school and dance class. She has an instructor who is not particularly forceful in discipline. In this class there is a child who likes to push other children. My daughter was terribly upset the first time the girl pushed her and wondered what went wrong. This kid does it to other children as well (corroborated by my oldest daughter). I told my middle daughter that it sounded like the girl would continue to do it until she was pushed right back. I told her not to ever push her first, but if the girl pushed her, she certainly could do it right back and wouldn't get in trouble from us. Nobody has the right to push anyone, IMO. I still don't know if she's done it. (I doubt it.) That's not her style. However, sometimes when reasoning doesn't work, it's the only way to get through on a child and another child. Hell, adults do it too, just with words. We all know adults that will just keep pushing and pushing you until you finally push back...and then often that ends the verbal pushing and pushing.
I was spanked with love. I threatened to call the police on my mother for spanking me. She informed me that " You have to get to the phone first". And also " Go ahead and try to find a foster home as good as your own". I don't believe in spankings for all infractions. I believe in correcting negative behavior. I don't believe in calling a child " bad". That really steams me. But if I feel my child is in need of a spanking, I will spank. My husband is a police officer, and it's entirely legal to spank on the bottom. He and I also feel that if more parents spanked or disciplined their children the crime rate wouldn't be so high. :)
I was spanked with love. I threatened to call the police on my mother for spanking me. She informed me that " You have to get to the phone first". And also " Go ahead and try to find a foster home as good as your own".
ROFL!
My father said I could call but that they'd be arresting him for murder and not abuse. LOL
I don't see a problem with corporal punishment in some instances. It worked with me. Now, I don't think a child should be spanked for every little offense, but the major offenses are to be dealt with in that manner IMO. The bottom line is that every child is different and will respond differently to varying punishment methods. If time-out works, I say go with it. If time-out doesn't work other methods, including spanking, may work.
Children are excellent mimics, and once hit, they repeat the action they learned on others, which is one reason they shouldn't be spanked or struck. Also, they are very logical and if the punishment doesn't fit the behavior, little understanding occurs. That's why "Super Nanny" always reminds the child following their time out, of what they did and how they should not do that again (accompanied by hugs).
When a child is struck, it makes them aware that the adult doing it isn't in control of their actions - very scary. They may challenge their parent but that is a defensive move to empower themselves. As adults, we also repeat learned activities, so it's really hard if we were hit as children, to change the way we react in similar circumstances. Any one can hit a smaller, less developed individual. The hard thing is resisting that impulse and think about what would be more appropriate. Time out gives us the interval needed for that.
There also has to be agreement with the other parent regarding appropriate reactions to misbehavior. When each parent has their own reaction it gives the child an opportunity to create a wedge between them, which will present greater problems as time goes on. When other family members (like your parents) are present to observe, they'll sometimes disagree with you, diminishing your authority and "making you wrong". While your child is in time out, explain calmly that experts today are certain that striking a child is not appropriate for any instance, and you have become educated about alternatives. Be prepared for a defensive reaction as they may feel wrong and argue with you. Simply thank them for "caring enough to share" and say that you're doing the best you can with the information available today, and you're sure they did that too. :redbeathe
Stanley RN 2B, you have my sympathy. Your parent placed you in a competitive stance by challenging you to race to the 'phone. You scared her plenty!
It's really important when confronted with such an intelligent kid, to repeat what he/she said, followed by "you must be really upset about what happened, I can understand that. However, your (action)_______ wasn't right and as your parent, it's my job to let you know that you need to behave better". Then follow that calmly with your plan, saying that time out will give everyone time to think about what would have been a better thing to do. Now with screaming kid it's hard to explain anything calmly, but it's not impossible, and mutual understanding is very reassuring.
The most important thing to get across is that you love your child, and so it's important to let them know when they're wrong, and deal with it so that they won't do that again.
Children's attention spans are short, so it's important to deal with misbehavior immediately ( especially if you're heading out to work and haven't time for 6-8 minutes of time out). That's another good reason to leave yourself plenty of time for departures. A lot of kids will do something wrong just to get you to stay with them longer...... It's frustrating for both of you, and you need to look at how much quality 1:1 time you spend with your child, if that becomes a pattern.
kythe, LPN
262 Posts
I think 17 pages of debate is enough evidence that this is indeed a very grey area full of fine lines. People have vastly different views of what "spanking" even is, how it should be administered, and what circumstances warrant it.