allnurses' netiquette

[Davey Do]

While reading some threads today, I noted some negativity here and there. In one particular thread, the etiological common denominator seemed to have to do with something in the area of respect. One member believed another was putting down their perspective and the other felt that they were calling them out on their phraseology. 

In 1956, Elvis sang "and the whole world will know this is true: understanding solves all problems", referring to a relationship. If we endeavor to find the rationale for why another behaves as they do, we can expand our horizons and give empathy and/or comfort.

Anyway, I wanted to start this thread and see where it will go. Starting this thread also gave me a reason to play around with a logo:

 

 I was thinking of reviewing some customary codes of polite behavior.

What do you think?

 

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

15 minutes ago, Davey Do said:

Now why would someone want to create discord on the Internet by starting quarrels or upsetting people by posting inflammatory or off-topic messages in an online community?

What's their motivation?

Since you are clearly NOT someone who thrives on starting quarrels or upsetting people on the internet, I'm not sure you could ever really understand the motivation of those that do. I know I don't understand it either, but if they didn't gain what they consider to be a reward, they wouldn't expend the effort. It's unfortunate, I have some pity for people that must feel so badly about themselves that the only way they can feel better is to make others feel worse. 

[Daisy4RN]

59 minutes ago, JBMmom said:

Part of the problem with internet posts is that no one can read the tone the writer intends. They will hear a tone in their head dependent upon many factors and it may be far from the intent.

Some people say that they are blunt or straightforward, and then presume to think that excuses them from also being rude. 

This is so true, people need to remember this for texting as well. My kids always complain about each other for this. I feel as though I both speak and write in a blunt straightforward manner so I try to see how others may read what I write but sometimes old habits die hard.

 

37 minutes ago, Davey Do said:

Because the vast majority are attracted to drama than they are discussing philosophical pursuits. We are the results of nurture & nature, we're one millisecond in the reaches of time apart from being animals and our society focuses on drama.

We would much more prefer to watch some superhero kicking butt than reading about Jesus or Gandhi who spoke of  peace & love. We crane our necks when we see flashing lights at an MVAs but we turn our heads and look away at a cardboard sign being held by a homeless person.

Sad but true. It is hard to fight our human nature at times but we all should try as Hossier said to be more kind to each other, and introspective IMO.

That said some do start quarrels or upset people just by way of  what they are saying because I am afraid we have moved into a twilight zone where some people are offended by merely hearing an opinion they do not agree with. But I do agree that are some who just like to cause drama for no other reason than to cause drama. 

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

1 hour ago, Davey Do said:

 

Now why would someone want to create discord on the Internet by starting quarrels or upsetting people by posting inflammatory or off-topic messages in an online community?

What's their motivation?

Some people are just jerks, and love drama, and the creation thereof. Also, there's the safety and anonymity of the keyboard, which gives some the cajones to act out like they normally wouldn't if their identity was known publicly

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

1 hour ago, NurseBlaq said:

Sure. I'll drone you some. I share. ?

❤❤❤

[speedynurse, ADN, BSN, RN, EMT-P]

1 hour ago, NurseBlaq said:

I take breaks and use the block feature religiously. However, I've been guilty of being hateful on AN but only in response to receiving hatefulness. When I find myself not enjoying AN I don't engage. I've learned you have to recognize things/people that upset you and avoid them. You also have to recognize the fakes. There's been an uptick in people creating accounts just to keep the conflict going on AN. Lastly, it's alright to disagree with someone in one thread and laugh with them in another. I've done it many times.

This is great advice....a few more things I would like to add too....

1. Nurses have different personalities. And thank goodness we do because if we had the same personality, then the conflict would compound even more and the site may be shut down ????

2. Sometimes there is a difference between what we want to hear and what we need to hear. I used to be offended over a lot more when I was younger....as I have gotten older, I have finally learned to take the advice and what I “need” to hear over what I “want” to hear much more to heart instead of instantly tuning it out. And it’s made me a better person.....

3. Saying that.....I admit things still strike a nerve from time to time. I still have post ER trauma brain from the things I heard and saw and went through not to mention things outside of work....

 

I think that sums up my honest opinion about netiquette and why threads can go in different directions.

[JKL33]

Serious post:

Yesterday I responded to a post where, upon first read, it very much seemed as if I was accused of being an unhappy person based solely upon the fact that I'm having some very real philosophical issues with the nursing biz for several years. I started a reply and then decided to re-read and see if the person who quoted me could possibly have meant something else. On second read, it was clear that there was a better explanation for their comment then what my first take had rendered.

So, my comment is two-fold: 1) In the above scenario I had a small success by thinking twice before replying (luckily). And 2) I admit that I DO have a problem or become more sensitive when it seems so difficult to discuss problematic things; as if it is somehow a betrayal of this profession to call out some things for discussion. It "hurts me" (?) to think of being accused of being some kind of traitor when, from my perspective, I only write anything "negative" about nursing because I do care about nursing and believe in its underlying philosophies and think we can do much better as a profession. 

Whew!! ?  Is this supposed to be therapy, Davey?

[NurseBlaq]

5 minutes ago, JKL33 said:

Whew!! ?  Is this supposed to be therapy, Davey?

Hi, welcome to AN group therapy. I'm NurseBlaq and I have a popcorn addiction.

[Emergent, RN]

People speak their minds too bluntly online, and other people like to jump all over it because it's fun to bash people.

I've seen lots of Internet bullies on this site. Often there is not a lot of intelligent conversation but it is entertaining.

There's not a lot you can do to change basic human nature. It's a diversion, and for me I enjoy expressing myself in writing. I try to ignore the idiots. But, the Mean Girl Club is a very real thing here at allnurses.

 

 

[Davey Do]

12 hours ago, JBMmom said:

Since you are clearly NOT someone who thrives on starting quarrels or upsetting people on the internet, I'm not sure you could ever really understand the motivation of those that do.

In all sincerity, I'm really not sure if you're being facetious, JBMom, because I clearly am one to stir things up and do realize the motivation of those who do. 

This thread is an example of my need to stir things up. The difference between me and a troll is the same difference between a gas tank exploding or the explosion in a combustible engine: one explosion  causes destruction while the other harnesses energy.

This thread could get out of hand, causing a negative backbiting pecking party or it could, on the other end of the spectrum, cause some good thoughts & feelings, and/or illuminating revelations resulting in higher consciousness.

Merrily we go...

[Davey Do]

12 hours ago, Daisy4RN said:

This is so true, people need to remember this for texting as well. My kids always complain about each other for this. I feel as though I both speak and write in a blunt straightforward manner so I try to see how others may read what I write but sometimes old habits die hard.

"Polite manners opens many doors."

I heard that years ago and just now Googled it: " Supreme Court Justice, Clarence Thomas: Manners will open doors that the best education cannot."

Being blunt in a straightforward manner can be interpreted as rude and unfeeling. If we merely add a little politeness using words like please and thank you, the receiver is more likely to feel respected.

There's so much more I could say, but will allow this area to rest until the opportunity presents itself for more.

Thank you, Daisy, for joining into this conversation, for you know that I respect your opinion and know how I feel toward you.

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

Oh, I wasn't being facetious at all. Your posts, as I read them, come across as inquisitive and inviting open conversation. The trolls to whom I am referring are the ones that openly insult people and then pretend to ask for a constructive conversation. Big difference. 

[Davey Do]

13 hours ago, Daisy4RN said:

 some do start quarrels or upset people just by way of  what they are saying because I am afraid we have moved into a twilight zone where some people are offended by merely hearing an opinion they do not agree with. But I do agree that are some who just like to cause drama for no other reason than to cause drama. 

I went back to react to your post, Daisy, and reread it.

I beg to differ with your opinion, the premise being "(there) are some who just like to cause drama for no other reason than to cause drama". 

Yes, they "just like to cause drama" because it fulfills a need and stimulates feelings of satisfaction. That need is to feel power and be in control.

Who here can say, "Nah- I don't need to feel like I have power and I have no desire to be in control of my life"?