While reading some threads today, I noted some negativity here and there. In one particular thread, the etiological common denominator seemed to have to do with something in the area of respect. One member believed another was putting down their perspective and the other felt that they were calling them out on their phraseology.
In 1956, Elvis sang "and the whole world will know this is true: understanding solves all problems", referring to a relationship. If we endeavor to find the rationale for why another behaves as they do, we can expand our horizons and give empathy and/or comfort.
Anyway, I wanted to start this thread and see where it will go. Starting this thread also gave me a reason to play around with a logo:
I was thinking of reviewing some customary codes of polite behavior.
Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
13 hours ago, Hoosier_RN said:
Some people are just jerks, and love drama, and the creation thereof. Also, there's the safety and anonymity of the keyboard, which gives some the cajones to act out like they normally wouldn't if their identity was known publicly
The statement, "I respect you, I just don't like your behavior" focuses on the behavior and not the individual. In order for the other not to feel attacked, we do not attack the individual, but the behavior. Or, we attack the premise of the argument or debate.
In a discussion yesterday with my medical nurse wife Belinda, I made the statement, "You know that I can be a saint or a jerk. Therefore, henceforth you shall refer to me as St. Jerk!"
The word safety was used in your delicious post, Hoosier and safety is on the second level of Maslow's Need Hierarchy. We fulfill our basic needs first and then we seek safety.
That jerk needs to feel safe and anonymous as s/he seeks the next level of belonging and self esteem!
Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
41 minutes ago, JBMmom said:
Oh, I wasn't being facetious at all. Your posts, as I read them, come across as inquisitive and inviting open conversation. The trolls to whom I am referring are the ones that openly insult people and then pretend to ask for a constructive conversation. Big difference.
Well, thank you so much for the clarification and for the kind words, JBMom!
The difference between me and the trolls is, and this is suppose to be a secret, ...
Y'all need to hang out with the school nurses! We are wicked nice almost all of the time! And we love saltines, but I'll go with popcorn for myself any day!
I heard that years ago and just now Googled it: " Supreme Court Justice, Clarence Thomas: Manners will open doors that the best education cannot."
Being blunt in a straightforward manner can be interpreted as rude and unfeeling. If we merely add a little politeness using words like please and thank you, the receiver is more likely to feel respected.
There's so much more I could say, but will allow this area to rest until the opportunity presents itself for more.
Thank you, Daisy, for joining into this conversation, for you know that I respect your opinion and know how I feel toward you.
Of course I agree with this and feel I do have good manners (at least for the most part LOL). I point out the fact that I know how I speak and write may come across to others even though it is not my intent/purposeful, it is never my intent to be rude. I guess I have just spent so much time at work trying to compensate/change this that I don't really feel the need to keep trying with others anymore since I don't work anymore. It takes alot of energy to try to write/speak as to not be offensive just because people don't like the bluntness. Some people speak/write eloquently and some more short sweet and to the point, we are all different and that is (or should) be OK. I guess I have a thicker skin than some people (maybe because of personal experiences, maybe by nature, IDK) but I just don't get offended by the way people speak (unless I feel they are purposefully being rude etc) or the fact that I don't happen to agree with them. I think we have moved away from this in society in general and I think it is really hurting our society. I think people need to put on their big boy/girl pants, suck it up, and move on instead of playing the victim and having to be insulted/offended by something/everything they hear. People are sometimes just downright rude (in person) and I try to give people the benefit of the doubt because I have no idea what they are/could be going through, maybe something like an illness or death in the family etc, or they could just be a big jerk IDK, either way I try not to let it offend me. Same as here or texts but with the added not knowing the tone/connotations. That said I do agree that we should all at least try!
2 hours ago, Davey Do said:
I beg to differ with your opinion, the premise being "(there) are some who just like to cause drama for no other reason than to cause drama".
Yes, they "just like to cause drama" because it fulfills a need and stimulates feelings of satisfaction. That need is to feel power and be in control.
Who here can say, "Nah- I don't need to feel like I have power and I have no desire to be in control of my life"?
Yeah, I guess I can see that. I guess I just don't understand the need to do that, to cause drama where it doesnt need to be. I of course want to have the power and control of my life but don't need to cause drama to have that, I guess it comes for elsewhere. OK, now you are making me think too much LOL.
1 hour ago, Davey Do said:
The difference between me and the trolls is, and this is suppose to be a secret, ...
Davey Do
10,666 Posts
The statement, "I respect you, I just don't like your behavior" focuses on the behavior and not the individual. In order for the other not to feel attacked, we do not attack the individual, but the behavior. Or, we attack the premise of the argument or debate.
In a discussion yesterday with my medical nurse wife Belinda, I made the statement, "You know that I can be a saint or a jerk. Therefore, henceforth you shall refer to me as St. Jerk!"
The word safety was used in your delicious post, Hoosier and safety is on the second level of Maslow's Need Hierarchy. We fulfill our basic needs first and then we seek safety.
That jerk needs to feel safe and anonymous as s/he seeks the next level of belonging and self esteem!