About a month ago, as I was doing my final check on things and getting ready to head home, one of the drs I regularly work with approached me and asked if i wanted to go out for dinner or drinks sometime. I made a joke about my husband probably not appreciating that and he said 'Maybe another time.'. Fast forward a few weeks, and as I'm walking in in the morning he asks if I'm free that night. I politely decline. It has now been about a month and it has escalated to him putting his arm around my shoulder, to him adjusting the card conveniently over my breast to just today him standing behind me as i was bending over and putting his hands on my hips and pulling me against him. I have told him multiple times now that I'm not interested, and would prefer if our relationship was nothing but professional but every time he dismisses me.
My question is, how do I deal with this? I've tried talking to the higher-ups but I was told that I should get over it. This dr has been working here for much longer than me, and is well respected, there is little chance anyone here would take my side over his.
Should I do something, or am I over reacting and should just ignore it?
Forget posting here - this needs to be reported ASAP and you husband has a right to know IMO. You've let this continue to long....and his mind you like it by not taking action, hence the escalation.
With all due respect, please don't blame the OP for 'letting' this go on. The fault lies squarely with Dr. A-hole for not respecting that 'no' means 'no' from the get-go. He is the sole responsible party here.
Otherwise agree with your post and with most everyone else's. NOT acceptable behavior. Would not be tolerated at my workplace and should not be tolerated at yours either. Run, OP, don't walk.
So this morning as I'm getting out of my car in the parking garage, who do I see but the Dr. As I'm getting out of my car, he puts his hand on my shoulder, and startles me. I'm of course terrified as it's early in the morning and the nearest person is a few rows down, (and to be quite honest I was a little fed up at this point), and I said in a near yell 'Do not touch me.'. Which I have said before, but I have never raised my voice, I'm usually always calm yet assertive. He looked a little surprised for a second, but then laughed and said he'd see me inside.
I have a meeting with management tomorrow this time for my hospital not just my department, and if I get another 'Get over it' I'll be sure to mention the lawsuit I'm considering and talk to HR.
Thank you for the comments, honestly I've never experienced something like this, and when I was told it wasn't a big deal I started to doubt myself. I'll let you know how it goes!
So this morning as I'm getting out of my car in the parking garage, who do I see but the Dr. As I'm getting out of my car, he puts his hand on my shoulder, and startles me. I'm of course terrified as it's early in the morning and the nearest person is a few rows down, (and to be quite honest I was a little fed up at this point), and I said in a near yell 'Do not touch me.'. Which I have said before, but I have never raised my voice, I'm usually always calm yet assertive. He looked a little surprised for a second, but then laughed and said he'd see me inside.
I have a meeting with management tomorrow this time for my hospital not just my department, and if I get another 'Get over it' I'll be sure to mention the lawsuit I'm considering and talk to HR.
Thank you for the comments, honestly I've never experienced something like this, and when I was told it wasn't a big deal I started to doubt myself. I'll let you know how it goes!
And I am 500% sure that the parking garage, and perhaps where the initial contact occurred has cameras. Make sure that someone accesses them.
Let us know how it goes. And if at any time YOU feel like you are somehow being blamed, stop the meeting immediately, and call an attorney. I would really, really call the labor relations number and get them involved in what is happening. It makes me incredibly nervous for you to be facing a group of people who up until this point have made excuses for this MD, and have told you to "suck it up"/"Get over it". Seriously.
Perhaps just me being old and jaded, but the group you are facing are NOT on your side. And the time to have your say is not when they pull out the "confidentiality contract" that I am just cranky enough to believe they will want you to sign. You need to have someone there who is going to lead you through this process. You did nothing wrong. You did not ask to be harassed. They need to act on this, hence why all of a sudden a quick, hurry up meeting before you can get any ducks in a row to protect yourself. You could go to the papers, sue them....all sorts of things. So I would not be surprised if the meeting you will have with them will be anything but covering their butts, and making sure you make like a good little nurse and shut up.
So this morning as I'm getting out of my car in the parking garage, who do I see but the Dr. As I'm getting out of my car, he puts his hand on my shoulder, and startles me. I'm of course terrified as it's early in the morning and the nearest person is a few rows down, (and to be quite honest I was a little fed up at this point), and I said in a near yell 'Do not touch me.'. Which I have said before, but I have never raised my voice, I'm usually always calm yet assertive. He looked a little surprised for a second, but then laughed and said he'd see me inside.
I have a meeting with management tomorrow this time for my hospital not just my department, and if I get another 'Get over it' I'll be sure to mention the lawsuit I'm considering and talk to HR.
Thank you for the comments, honestly I've never experienced something like this, and when I was told it wasn't a big deal I started to doubt myself. I'll let you know how it goes!
I think he has crossed the line into stalking. That is a crime.
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
So this morning as I'm getting out of my car in the parking garage, who do I see but the Dr. As I'm getting out of my car, he puts his hand on my shoulder, and startles me. I'm of course terrified as it's early in the morning and the nearest person is a few rows down, (and to be quite honest I was a little fed up at this point), and I said in a near yell 'Do not touch me.'. Which I have said before, but I have never raised my voice, I'm usually always calm yet assertive. He looked a little surprised for a second, but then laughed and said he'd see me inside.
I have a meeting with management tomorrow this time for my hospital not just my department, and if I get another 'Get over it' I'll be sure to mention the lawsuit I'm considering and talk to HR.
Just to be clear, what I (and probably most others) are talking about is not a lawsuit you would file (a civil suit) but a referral to appropriate investigative agency in Canada for possible criminal prosecution which may include your facility for being aware of your report and flatly stating "get over it" when it is not a single incident but an obvious pattern that seems to be escalating.
The behavior you describe is aggressive enough that it's probable you are not his only victim, and if you are, you won't be the last.
First, you need to be firm. No games; the ideas about farting in his face faking a menstrual snafu sound funny (and I'm sure the PP's meant them in good fun), but why humiliate yourself? HE is the one who should be embarrassed.
If it happens again, say loudly "Get your hands off me. I did NOT give you permission to put your hands on me."
Regardless if he does it again or not--and I'm not giving legal advice, but saying what I would do in that situation--What he is doing is sexual battery, and it is illegal. Him stopping is not enough. He needs to face consequences for what he has already done to you. Plus, even if you scare him into leaving you alone, what is to stop him from finding another victim? His behavior needs to be reported to law enforcement.
I would then get a really good civil rights attorney. I would also have a meeting with myself, my civil rights attorney, the people who told you to "just ignore him," and your hospital's HR, legal, and risk management depts. In this meeting I would make it clear that legal action against all involved will be taken immediately, if something is not done with this creep.
I'm not above taking it to the news media either, given that your workplace is condoning his behavior...although I would of course run that by my hypothetical attorney first. Don't want to hurt my hypothetical sexual harassment case, ya know.
Hugs, OP!! You are absolutely not overreacting. You are a victim of sexual battery in the workplace.
...to just today him standing behind me as i was bending over and putting his hands on my hips and pulling me against him...
That's not sexual harassment, that's sexual assault. Mace him/pepper spray him/kick him the crotch (whatever seems most effective) and call the cops if he does that.
If you're in Canada then you have a union - talk to your union steward right away. Try and get them to come to your meeting if you can, as well. You need somebody who will be on your side, particularly if the managerial types you've spoken with are not.
If you're in Canada then you have a union - talk to your union steward right away. Try and get them to come to your meeting if you can, as well. You need somebody who will be on your side, particularly if the managerial types you've spoken with are not.
I agree. Don't attend this meeting alone and if you can have an attorney present I would even if it means rescheduling the meeting.
Get a backup job/PRN/part time position now, that can turn into a full time position later. Do not expect your workplace to stand by you. Don't talk about your actions against Dr. A to anyone who is not directly involved because it can backfire.
Farawyn
12,646 Posts
Maybe he's a big AYHole.
It's on him, not OP.